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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT allow dd to go on holiday on her 4th birthday?

107 replies

Heated · 28/12/2009 21:37

We've never been precious about the dcs spending time with the ILs or letting dcs go away with them on camping holidays from an early age.

However, MIL has rung dh this afternoon and told him FIL had tears in his eyes because I've said no to dd(aged 3) going on a camping holiday in May because it will be her 4th birthday during that week. I have said we'd happily let dd go any other week prior to next Sept (the ILS are retired and take a lot of holidays) but the dates they have given me (because they get a cheap deal at a certain site) are the week of her birthday and the 2nd week of Sept when she starts school!

They did exactly the same last year, when for months they talked to dd about going on holiday, got her really excited and then revealed the dates: the week of her 3rd birthday. I didn't have the heart to disappoint her and say no, so she went and had a nice time, but I was gutted I missed her 3rd birthday and said to dh it wasn't going to happen again - hence asking for the proposed dates in good time.

ILs have told dh we can celebrate her birthday at the weekend, she won't know any different, and because her birthday falls on a day I work she won't have to spend part of her birthday at "horrible nursery" (another issue in their minds) despite the fact she loves nursery and I will be home early to collect her.

So AIBU? Dh & IL think I am. Will take any views on the chin!

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/12/2009 21:39

No, YANBU. Completely understandable and normal that you would want to be with your child on her birthday. They sound a bit nuts.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/12/2009 21:41

YANBU

merrycompo · 28/12/2009 21:42

Yanbu

why is she starting school when she is 3 though? Or do you mean preschool?

muppetgirl · 28/12/2009 21:42

YANBU
They've organise a holdiay with her birthday during it. They knew you didn't like it and then did it again.
Nuff said really

fledtoscotland · 28/12/2009 21:42

YANBU.

Meglet · 28/12/2009 21:43

yanbu. It's lovely they want to take her on holiday but I would prefer to spend time with my dc on her birthday. And FWIW my DS went to nursery on his birthday (I had the day off) and he had a lovely birthday tea there with his friends then came home for a second tea with family.

fairycake123 · 28/12/2009 21:44

No, of course you bloody aren't. "Tears in his eyes" - he needs to grow up. Seriously.

SleighGirl · 28/12/2009 21:44

YANBU you've done it their way last year, you hated it so from now on do it your way.

Angelcat666 · 28/12/2009 21:45

YANBU

Compo, she was 3 last year, when they took her. This time she will be 4 so therefore starting school in September.

That is, if I've read it properly.

XmasElkwithFrostyAntlers · 28/12/2009 21:47

yanbu
yanbu
yanbu!yanbu!yanbu!yanbu!
how dare they?!
are you supposed to miss every one of her birthdays now for their cheap deal at a site?!
If I was going to be reasonable here, i suppose could you offer them the week before or after and you pay the difference?
I think you def need to put foot down. I can't see how you aren't going to lose every birthday otherwise?

abbierhodes · 28/12/2009 21:48

YA absolutely NBU.
I'd make it very clear that if this discussion didn't end soon, there would never be any chance of them taking her away again.

merrycompo · 28/12/2009 21:48

Sorry I thought her birthday was the second week of September but I see now that it is May

Ewe · 28/12/2009 21:49

YANBU - stand your ground!

Original poster
Heated · 28/12/2009 21:49

MerryComp, she is 3 now, will be 4 in May and will start school in Sept 2010 - so am offering ILs any week up until then really to take her on holiday, loads of time, except her birthday week or two weeks into her starting school.

The ILs don't see the big deal and nor really does dh. Dh says she'll have a lovely time (and she will) and it's only me who will be upset at her going and therefore am putting my happiness above dd's. That view hasn't gone down terribly well at chez Heated!

Normally dh and I are totally in accord when it comes to his parents so it has made me wonder if iabu.

OP posts:
RockBird · 28/12/2009 21:49

Right so you missed her 3rd birthday and now they are expecting you to miss her 4th as well...? Err, I'd tell them where to stuff that. They think it's reasonable for a small child to be away from her parents for two of her four birthdays? Sorry but bollocks to that. YANBU, definitely not.

jellybeans · 28/12/2009 21:54

'therefore am putting my happiness above dd's'
sounds abit like emotional blackmail, my ILs tried this.

YANBU at all, stick to your guns.

IsItMeOrSanta · 28/12/2009 21:57

YANBU and DH is being a prat. I checked with my DH and everything.

Ask your DH at what point does it become reasonable, in his opinion, for you to actually get to spend your DD's birthday with her. Clearly not 3 or 4 in his mind. Will it be 5? 10? 18?

He is weird and his parents are weirder. Why is it so hard for them to go a week earlier or later than planned?

Ponders · 28/12/2009 21:57

They can go any week of the year, but they are choosing that week?

YANBU

Clary · 28/12/2009 21:58

YANBU at all.

Kitsilano · 28/12/2009 21:59

YANBU at all! Dont let them manipulate you

Ponders · 28/12/2009 21:59

And dig your heels in HARD, NOW, at the suggestion that she could go in Sept in the week when she's due to start school.

They are nuts, frankly

HappyNewYearFromKimi · 28/12/2009 21:59

YANBU tell them to PISS OFF get over it

Ivykaty44 · 28/12/2009 22:01

YANBU

They are retired and they don't have weeks and weekends etc, have months and months to choose from and pick two weeks out of 26 that that they could go

sorry but they are BUR

they could even go away wednesday to wednesday or tuesday to tuesday and avoid the actual day of the birthday

tell them it would be great if they could pick another week out of the 26 odd ones on offer

DollyMessiter · 28/12/2009 22:04

Stand your ground.
And get DH to tell ILs to drop the emotional blackmail nonsense.
"Tears in his eyes".
Sheesh!
Toughen up, Princess!

Their emotions regarding your DD are not paramount to yours.

Original poster
Heated · 28/12/2009 22:05

XmasElkwithFrostyAntlers, paying the difference at this site the ILs want to stay at so they can choose any other week is a good idea and had just occurred to me (although will also have to offer to pay for dh's aunt and uncle who are also going) - but I know the ILs will not take me up on the offer - but will offer anyway.

They never used to be this awkward but I think posters have got it right, we've been so pleased to have their involvement that we've been very easy-going, too easy-going perhaps.

OP posts: