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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the council should not be leaving a single mum, with her three children to kip down on her mothers floor

290 replies

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 26/12/2009 21:21

I am not entirely sure of all the details but i just feel that the situation my niece is being left in is not right, as in, i think something has gone wrong with her local council housing system.

So, she is 23 has three under three, her partner left her when she was pregnant with her third - he just disappeared. Hes a twunt apparently, well rid. They had a rented place but he didnt pay the rent so they were evicted. Because of this, the council told my neice she was "intentionally homeless" and woudlnt put her on the waiting list. Eventually she contacted her MP who contacted the council, as it was not my niece who was evicted but her partner who she now has nothing to do with. She was told she was a priority case and was given a password for the online bidding system. She since has her third child and informed the council - now, this is second hand, but apparently she was told this "we have changed the system now, you are now on the bottom of the list and you can expect to be living on your mother's floor for the next three to five years".

She has three children, she sleeps on the sofa and the children are sleeping in travel cots. Her mum basically lives in her bedroom, although why its like that i dont know - its a three bedroom housing association house, but there is the my neice, her mum, her brother living there - the third bedroom which was my nieces is a box room and apparently being used for storage.

This cannot be right?? Surely, leaving aside the fact that she was less than sensible to put herself in this situation by not sorting out contraception after the first child, there are still three children living in unacceptable conditions. Apparently, my niece is coping very well but it must be so hard for her.

She does not get on with her housing officer and feels she is prejudiced against her for getting the MP involved in the first instance, i cant say whether this is true or not.

What can she do?? Can she not rent privately and claim housing benefit? The council have told her they wont support her in this.

As i say, i don't know the full situation but wondered if anyone has any advice for organisations to approach etc - people to write too, appropriate thigns to write to the council to make sure her case is being handled properly.

I dont want to say where she lives in case she is a mnetter. But i know it varies from council to council. I just find it hard to believe that someone in her position wouldn't be on the priority housing list.

OP posts:
Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 27/12/2009 22:31

yeah, because clearly, ALL of our taxes go on supporting single mothers who should bloody well put their children in a papoose and go and sweep the roads

OP posts:
CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:33

thank you SO so much girlies. glad to see some of you make actual sense and know what life can really be like.

the rest of you who are slagging me off are brainwashed by a conservative chauvanist society. another tragic case of victim blaming. can all bugger off :P

agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:33

Fibilou, we're taxed for many reasons- for healthcare, education, bombs, government branding and spin, and bailing out banks among other things.

The actual proportion of tax spent on them scrounging single mums is very low indeed.

Lol ijustwant

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:33

Why is it that those people who feel it's okay not to work feel that it's okay to put down jobs that everyone does to help support those not working e.g. stackign shelves, working in mcdonalds, road sweeping.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:34

Cleosmam - what are you talking about?

agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:35

good on ya Cleosmam. Keep bringing up dd yourself (can't believe posters on here think you should leave her in a nursery so you can work in a McJob and spare the poor suffering taxpayer 0.1pence in the pound or whatever it is) and get that degree, you deserve it.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2009 22:36

Most of us know better, ijust.

I don't begrudge my taxes and all that.

But truly, if this gal needs some help, it's not from the council and getting a house.

That's part of it, sure.

Realistically, though, she's better off not in council accommodation and she's definitely better off not having any more children for a while.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:36

What's so bad about leaving your child in childcare to go to work?? It's what masses of parents do every day.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 27/12/2009 22:37

rainbow, no one has done that on this thread as far as i can see

OP posts:
agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:37

Rainbow- not putting them down....though I would find it hard to do them for life and admire those who do. But caring for your own child is imho a better use of a mother's time.

I once worked night shifts at Royal Mail and there were extraordinary women there with children. I was childless then and didn't realise the incredible hard work they were putting in at both ends of their lives. I have nothing but admiration for people in that situation.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:39

Perhaps you need to reread the posts about why should she go to work and leave her child in childcare.

Having a child seems to be like getting the golden ticket where you don't have to go to work anymore and can rely on the state.
Very sad to this attitude.

Fibilou · 27/12/2009 22:39

I know perfectly well where taxes go, thankyou, I don't need a patronising little lecture. What I take exception to is this assumption that because I don't live in a hi-rise council flat I don't live in the real world. Maybe Cleosmum would like to remember how her flat is funded. By taxpayers that, according to her, don't live in the Real World.

agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:40

I mean btw a better use of time than doing a job you hate for the minumum wage because you have nothing to live on. Am not saying you should stay at home with kids, would be hypocritical as I certainly didn't...I had both mine in childcare from early on.

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:40

also are u all aware that YOU'RE GOING TO BE TAXED REGARDLESS

if i go out and get a job and be even poorer than i already am then it will make NO DIFFERENCE to you.

Rainbowinthesky · 27/12/2009 22:40

So are you suggesting that all mothers should give up their jobs? Who would pay for that?

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:42

Having a child seems to be like getting the golden ticket where you don't have to go to work anymore and can rely on the state.
Very sad to this attitude.

er HELLO? have u read MY previous posts idiot! i didnt have a child so i could get money and a house! i had a partner who was extremely well paid until he left us

i swear u get all your opinions straight out of the daily mirror

agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:43

really fibilou? then you'll know exactly which scroungers are living off your hard-earned taxes right now. Maybe you should go over to their luxurious scrounge-pads and claim it right back...you might have to rip the odd bottle out of a baby's mouth though. But then the kids are scrounging too, right?

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 27/12/2009 22:43

This thread is turning nasty now

no need for it

-----------------

OP posts:
CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:43

of course im not suggesting that!! ffs lol maybe your the one who needs a degree

agingoth · 27/12/2009 22:44

Sigh. No, Rainbow, that is not what I am saying. At all.

I just object to workfare.

Bye bye thread, this one is full of daily mail nutters...good luck Cleosmam!!

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:45

just defending my honour ijustwant, sorry guys just get a bit pissed off when im made out to be something im not

Ivykaty44 · 27/12/2009 22:46

well if Tony Blair didn't have body gaurds out of the tax payers coffers - now that would be 6 million in taxes that could well cover a few degrees, or a few mothers at home, or a few operations on the NHS.

TBF I have paid nothing like 6 million in tax and probably not all of on this thread have paid that amount combined in our working lives - are we worried about how much he is costing us? and don't forget thats each year...I do think that we worry in the wrong ways and over what a lot of the time (not all) would be vulnerable people who can't quite make it on there own and yet a man of high earnings with a wife who earnt more is taking from our pockets - odd doesn't seem right somewhow

Pantofino · 27/12/2009 22:50

agingoth, I KNOW your scenario is totally different from the OPs relative, or CMs.

But I still don't umderstand why:

I work hard ALL my life. I have a baby when I can afford one. I take the minimum of time off because that is all that the budget can stand. I get nothing, but need nothing either,

Someone else has a baby that they can't afford, with a father that fucks off after 2 mins and makes no effort to support the family. Why should that person not have to work? Why is OK for them to be a SAHM at taxpayers expense?

Why should they get their OU degree paid for when it would cost me many thousands of pounds?

CleosMam · 27/12/2009 22:50

hear hear ivykaty!!

p.s again sorry for getting pissed of bfore everyone, sure u can understand why though

butterscotch · 27/12/2009 22:50

Ijustwanttoaskaquestion....

OKay I used to work for a HA in London, depending on the area your DN is in depends on what is on offer.

Personally like you and others I would move heaven and earth for my children! and do everything possible, but maybe thats because I grew up on a council estate with a single mum, who worked as a CM to get extra money and ensure we we're clothed and fed!

My experience with tennents in HA's there are several types of people and nobody is the same! So I won't make any judgements the people that take the piss do my head in but there are geniune people who want to get out of a shithole/situation and work there butt off to do that my mother was one of them! She worked her arse off doing evening college when we were in bed,(friends babysitting) etc...nobody has a right to judge another person......

Back to OP .....speak to the HA in question of where you MIL lives they might like my old HA I worked for have a support network for young people/young parents/single parents/vunerable people....we had all of the above...

not only did we offer support to those all types but schemes to help them get out of the situation when they where placed in housing they would get the support they need as well....

She needs to ensure that she has things written down for her the CAB are pretty good at assisting....

Her children are very young and with number 3 on the way how is she going to cope in the current situation? How long has she got to go? I have sympathy for people like your DN and those that have been "abandoned" but no sympathy for those that choose not to work! I have no choice but to work full time, I've know this for a long time, but for me, providing for my children is as important as spending quality time with them. We all have our own motivations for doing things and hell I've made some mistakes in my life! My mum had me when she was 17 I knew I never wanted to be a young mum and certainly didn't want to be a single parent (not that a lot of people have a choice in teh single parent side of things).

Your DN needs to get CAB involved in getting money from her ex-bf.

What about your DN dad? you mention that her brother could go and live with him? Is he able to help her out more?

Its really frustrating when you hear (I'm making an assumption here) that someone like your DN has been taken advantage off and her Mother and father/carers haven't done much to protect her.

She needs support to get her life turned around she can do it, if she wants to it won't be easy mind.

Before your MIL makes her homeless seriously speak to the HA/CAB on her behalf you won't have to give details of who she is but your be able to find out more about what is available and possibly be able to get her the help she needs without the stress of moving into a bedsit with two young children.

Being housed on a rough housing estate is no picnic, however it might be better than her current situation! She might find that whilst she doesn't feel safe to go out at night she is able with the right support get on her own two feet...

Councils and HA's are able to help its finding the right person/department, there are lots of good support workers and some really crap ones, sounds like her housing officer is crap she can ask for someone else as well it is her right. CAB will probably be her best bet, and to maybe get her a social worker assigned to look out for her. Good luck and keep us posted.