Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

with MILS inept catering plans

158 replies

FolornHope · 26/12/2009 11:37

we go tomorrow
is family get together - very nice
then she said "I have no food for monday, i dont knwo what we will eat"

dh says " not everyone is obsessed with food like your family"

i say "its impolite not to have SOMETHING sorted"

am i right or is he wrong?

OP posts:
TinselianAstra · 26/12/2009 11:39

If you invite people round it's polite to feed them.

Furthr to that, it's generally considerd the norm to get in something nice, and not just throw them a bit of toast.

DecorHate · 26/12/2009 11:40

yanbu if she had invited you, ie planned in advance. Surely most of the shops are open again tomorrow? And those M&S mini shops at petrol stations are open every day....

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 11:42

i know
she sees food and goes "waaaaaaagh" and runs away
have rung dh to tel him to get some coq so i can shove it in some vin
CANNOT face the " ooh will cheese be ok"
NO IT WONT

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 26/12/2009 11:43

If she invited you for a family get together then she should have factored in meals and planned what to feel her visitors. That's only polite.

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 11:44

dh thinksits because "your family have to tlak about a meal for about 2 weeks before they eat it"
is ecretly think its a class issue

OP posts:
TinselianAstra · 26/12/2009 11:47

You don't have to discuss and plan with anyone else (although I love to talk about food and menus) but you do have to feed people.

How does he think it's a classs issue?

cornysxmasmuffmusic · 26/12/2009 11:49

Doesn't have food in? Is she very disorganised?

midori1999 · 26/12/2009 12:00

Perhaps she meant she hasn't bought any yet, so doesn't knwo what you'll eat as it's not something she has yet planned, but does plan to shop before then? (personally, I would leave buying as long as possible to ensure freshness)

I don't really think it's rude, she is family. Why not suggest she asks eveyrone to bring something if she is struggling?

MillyR · 26/12/2009 12:05

I love going to my brothers after Christmas because SIL doesn't cook a meal and just does cheese on toast. My kids will have had Christmas dinner 3 days in a row at 3 different houses by Monday.

I don't see why it is necessary to have a big meal every time family comes around. I kind of know what your DH means about people going on a bit much about food. You go around to someone's house at Christmas, and quite a few of the people (usually the women) spend almost the entire time in the kitchen cooking some really OTT meal and ignoring everyone else, but being really territorial about the meal prep. That is quite rude.

I would rather eat a sandwich and a cake and actually get to see the people I have come to visit.

Northernlebkuchen · 26/12/2009 12:18

So you're going on Sunday and she does have a plan for that but not Monday? I think you're being pretty awful tbh. Your mil won't have you starve, the shops are open and I'm sure it will all work out. If you want to have every meal planned from here to Epiphany then you sound rather overly food obsessed and a bit of a control freak in general. WTF does class have to do with anything?

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:26

she isnt used to any kind of (ulps nervously) dinner party kind of catering.

hence the class thing.
no we wont starve. I just liek to eat nice food at xmas
not pasta n sauce
or frozen breadcrumbed fish ( shudder)

OP posts:
Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:29

oh and she lives in back of beyond , no shops as we know it. so oyu say " oh lets have x" adn it freaks her. we might MAKE A MESS

OP posts:
peacocks · 26/12/2009 12:32

Food is a bit boring but normally I would think yes, you'd have the cupboards full of stuff if visitors are coming, even if just ham, crisps, ready snacks, cold chicken, nice bread, fruit, cuc and grapes and salad and all that. But one big special meal is enough. You have foodie tendencies possibly.

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:33

i do.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 26/12/2009 12:33

stop at waitrose/M&S and take canapés and fizz and a turkey crown or something

not everyone enjoys cooking/catering

Northernlebkuchen · 26/12/2009 12:35

Oh come on! So she doesn't cook 'posh' enough for you? I don't believe I'm reading this tbh

Has it ever occurred to you that people can only cook what they have been shown by example to expect - so if a person grows up with frozen fish (which is a perfectly good source of nutrients by the way) that tends to be their horizon. Being able to be craetive with food, take a pride in good quality ingredients and enjoy cooking as an art is a gift. For many people cooking is therefore a very intimidating thing that they find hard to imagine doing and going outside their comfort zone. Pasta and sauce - the instructions are simple and the results guranteed, same with frozen food.

I bet your mil is scared of you because she knows you judge her and that will make it even harder to cater. Frankly i wouldn't have you in the house. Nobody needs to be made to feel crap at Christmas because they can't put on a dinner party

If you really want to help her then ring her now and say you'll bring a pie for Monday if she could just do some veg, say you know what a lot she has on and you just want her to able to relax not worry about shopping and catering. Then buy her Jamie's Ministry of Food for her birthday and be supportive not destructive!

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:36

no no not pasta and sauce

"pasta "n" sauce"

She is ( this aside) a perfick mil

OP posts:
Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:38

i am taking food.
no problem, i wish she would just ask ,

to me this is not food

OP posts:
peacocks · 26/12/2009 12:38

you need brazil nuts, they are very nutritious and filling and are the gift that keeps on giving as you are picking bits out of your teeth with your tongue hours later

you never think of lunch or dinner when you have a bag of brazils to hand

chocolate ones not allowed

mistletoekisses · 26/12/2009 12:38

If you are a foodie and she is not really someone used to catering. Have you considered that cooking for you unnerves her even more?

Also - it is horses for courses. I cook lots of lovely dishes etc when have family/ guests over. My DB/ SIL dont cook. I still invite them over and vice versa. I serve them what I think they will like. And I get Pizza Hut pizzas and beers when we go round there.

Used to wind me up. Then I realised it was stupid to get wound up about. Now I simply eat light before going and enjoy a meal I would never eat at home. Nice to have a change once in a while.

So, YABU!

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:38

rofl at brazils

OP posts:
Northernlebkuchen · 26/12/2009 12:39

I knew what you meant. I mistyped.

Original poster
FolornHope · 26/12/2009 12:39

i KNOW you are right MIseltoe
i know i know
its just grr

OP posts:
Northernlebkuchen · 26/12/2009 12:41

No ir's not food to me either but it is to her and it's her house you're going to and I think it's very poor to make her feel crappy in her own home because she doesn't think about food in the same way as you do.

nothingofthesort · 26/12/2009 12:41

YANBU. I don't think it's a big effort to make a reasonably decent meal, no matter what kind of food you grew up with. She's just being lazy.