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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to exclude the very elderly from my wedding

172 replies

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:28

I am getting married for the first time the spring after next and am so excited! I have not been married before although my df has been married twice before, and so am possibly being a bit bridezilla about it, but we have chosen our venue and menus, band, outfits etc and it comes to so much money that we are going to have to restrict guests.

I know people are anti excluding children, and I can sort of see that, but what about the really old? Not horribly, but just because a lot of our relatives don't really know where they are IYKWIM and wouldn't really benefit from it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:56

Daisy - We don't see it that way, we really want to have souvenirs of our happy day with the whole family, it's just that we can't afford to have them all present. As they won't know anyway, who does it really hurt?

OP posts:
darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:56

If you want a big wedding you could try and get in on the Guinness 'worlds biggest wedding thing'. Anyone know when they plan to try breaking that record again?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:57

Phew for ukraine get-out clause eh.

That's a stroke of luck and a half.

JaneS · 21/12/2009 21:57

If you're talking about someone who will be confused and happy, I'd say invite them. Put up with having to answer questions three times and them not remembering who your bridesmaid is or what the occasion is.

If you mean someone who will be confused and very unhappy (as my granny was before she died, every time she was out of her own home/places she knew), it's a different kettle of fish.

sanfairyann · 21/12/2009 21:57

shurely this is a made up post? am loving the idea of photoshopping your wedding picss with the odd sleb thrown in for good measure

Shiregirl · 21/12/2009 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 21/12/2009 21:58

well it's not a "souvenier" of the day if it's made up is it?

It's about as much as a souvenir as the T-shirt that DS1 and 2 wore when little - saying they'd been to Tenerife.......they've never been in their lives, and neither have DH or I.

RainRainGoAway · 21/12/2009 21:58

I think this sounds like the ideal wedding.

No clacking dentures.
No rustling Werthers Originals wrappers during the service.
A handful of ?z-list showbiz slebs.

Please can I come too?

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:59

It's difficult to tell if they are happy or not because they don't really communicate in verbally IYKWIM. How would you tell?

Also, it wouldn't be fair to pay for the old who don't know where they are and then not have all the dc and gc even though to have them would involve expensive solicitors and negotiations with the ex wives who are frankly less than reasonable at the best of times.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:59

I like cremedementhe's idea.

Wish I had thought of that could have had a £££ better honeymoon.

GrumpyWhenWoken · 21/12/2009 21:59

Done, did you know that Terry Wongan came to my wedding, I'll post up the photos [Fgrin]

LauraIngallsWilder · 21/12/2009 21:59

So save money and have a small wedding

To not invite people because you think they are lala isnt nice

Invite people that you love and who love you but dont ignore people because you think they wont enjoy it

I know lots of people who in your words are 'lala' They are some of the most lovely people I know

darcymum · 21/12/2009 22:00

I hope we are not all taking the piss out of a real wedding to be?????

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 22:01

Terry wongan eh?

Nice one.

Hassled · 21/12/2009 22:02

Now you've thrown in the expensive solicitors and unreasonable ex-wives I see that you were right all along.

Can I suggest you do some geneology first and see if you can get some photos of dead Victorian relatives? If you photoshop them in as well you could really mess with the old folks' heads.

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 22:02

Are people taking the piss? Oh sad face I thought people were being quite understanding. These are real problems we are dealing with. we are not made of money (despite df's quite glitzy past)

OP posts:
CremeDeMenthe · 21/12/2009 22:02

You should watch the Gerry Robinson on Dementia Care Homes programme on BBC iplayer - if you are serious. Then you might have some understanding of dementia

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 22:03

Why are you suggesting dead relatives? Isn't that a bit morbid?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 22:03

Don't be sad hully, hun, I don't think anyone is taking the piss.

{{{hugz}}}

bellavita · 21/12/2009 22:04

Gwan, tell us what this glitzy past is then....

RainRainGoAway · 21/12/2009 22:04

Glitzy.
Lovely word. It is just one of those words associated with Blackpool comperes of the 1970's.
Are you marrying Bobby Ball?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 22:05

I think I know your fiance - you are right about the glitzy past. He was on the cruise ships wasn't he, with Jane McDonald.

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 22:05

Thank you. big smile face To be honest it is a bit stressful trying to plan a wedding and df isn't as interested as i would have hoped. I worry that he is a bit 'been there done that' about it. He doesn't really want any more dc either. Very sad face

OP posts:
Awassailinglookingforanswers · 21/12/2009 22:06

yes - I've got a pretty good understanding of the issues of

a) organising a wedding on a limited budget where you can't have everyone there (ours was more of a distance thing though - 5000 miles)

b) dementia.

CDM - that programme was heartbreaking wasn't it, I wanted to scream and shout and phsyciall slap the women who ran the place. The changes in those residents when they were given the opportunity to do things was amazing though wasn't it.I hope that when the home closed they went to somewhere that offered them the same quality of life they were given when the owner was away on holiday (the painting, the activites, the dolls etc etc)

Hassled · 21/12/2009 22:06

I just think if you're going to photoshop, you might as well do it properly. See if you can get everyone who was ever related to you since, say, 1850 in there.