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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to exclude the very elderly from my wedding

172 replies

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:28

I am getting married for the first time the spring after next and am so excited! I have not been married before although my df has been married twice before, and so am possibly being a bit bridezilla about it, but we have chosen our venue and menus, band, outfits etc and it comes to so much money that we are going to have to restrict guests.

I know people are anti excluding children, and I can sort of see that, but what about the really old? Not horribly, but just because a lot of our relatives don't really know where they are IYKWIM and wouldn't really benefit from it. AIBU?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 21/12/2009 21:41

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Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:41

Suiffy, no it's in the spring. It makes it a bit cheaper, but it still costs a lot.

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justaboutisfatandtired · 21/12/2009 21:41

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justaboutisfatandtired · 21/12/2009 21:42

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darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:43

If they are very old and your wedding is not until the year after next, they might be off the list anyway. Invite them, they might leave you something in the will!

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:43

Yes justabout. And those who wouldn't really appreciate it because of their great age and associated issues.

OP posts:
GrumpyWhenWoken · 21/12/2009 21:45

show them the photos and say they were there, they won't know will they

Drooper · 21/12/2009 21:45

How much older is your DF?

Be careful you don't accidentally exclude him as well

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:47

I know you're joking Grumpy, but we are thinking of photoshopping so that the whole extended family are in the pics for posterity. DF has several dc and even a couple of gc from the past and we can't have the whole lot because there are political issues (families!), so we thought we could do it with them too.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 21/12/2009 21:48

Its really sad that you think that way

GrumpyWhenWoken · 21/12/2009 21:48

You could save a fortune this way and make it look like a HUGE wedding, like it!

(this is not a serious post is it?)

Hassled · 21/12/2009 21:49

I think you should think fairly carefully about Spring 2015. With global warming you can probably guarantee good weather and those pesky elderly relatives will have shuffled off the mortal coil by then.

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:49

We're just trying to be economic and practical.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:50

I like it. Anyone liable to soil themselves or make noise during ceremony should be out out out. you're quite right.

Re photoshop, why not stick a few slebs on while you're at it, no point in doing things by halves.

darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:50

I think it sounds like you are best just eloping if you have "political issues"

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:51

I'mso - There will be a couple of celebs there (DF had a showbiz past) so no worries on that score!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:52

Darcy - that makes me really sad. I have always wanted a big day with everyone there.

OP posts:
GrumpyWhenWoken · 21/12/2009 21:52

I'm going to photoshop my wedding right now, never thought of that

OrmIrian · 21/12/2009 21:53

YANBU.

Everyone knows the elderly are smelly, incontinent and argumentative. Who would want them to spoil your special day.

Just leave them at home where they are happy and send them some cake, hun.

DaisymooSteiner · 21/12/2009 21:54

Photoshopping pictures to make it appear as though you're one happy family when a whole bunch of people weren't even there is just weird. Posterity? Surely that only applies if it actually happened that way, otherwise you're just changing history.

Original poster
TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 21:55

I wouldn't say anything rude about them, it's just that if they don't really know where they are, what's the point in paying for them? Really? DF does have two elderly aunts who do have difficult health issues but luckily they are in Ukraine anyway.

OP posts:
Awassailinglookingforanswers · 21/12/2009 21:55

I would assume that anyone who has "proper" would already have someone acting as their carer.

And having worked with people with dementia I would say that the vast majority wouldn't be confused or frightened by the whole thing in fact the opposite - they'd probably love it.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:56

Brad and angelina came to our wedding. And Tom and thingy. Also biggins.

CremeDeMenthe · 21/12/2009 21:56

Why not just have the two of you and a couple of witnesses and photoshop everyone else into the photos. With the cash saved you could afford to have the photoshopping done professionally.

CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego · 21/12/2009 21:56

I never got on with my great grandmother who was a bit senile and quite grumpy, but when my husband and I got back from honeymoon, we went to visit her and she was lovely for that half hour or so. She died soon after. She wasn't well enough to go to the wedding though.

Who knows, perhaps she thought we were someone else? But I think it's hard to generalise 'old people' - if they are well enough to go and you think they would get some enjoyment from the wedding (and ideally, they have someone to look after them) then I'd invite them. They don't get too many chances to go out and join in something so nice.