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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why parents give their children food in supermarkets when it is not yet paid for?

535 replies

purplepeony · 21/12/2009 18:50

Do you?

is your child so hungry that you have to grab a frnech stick, break bits off and feed it to them then present the empty packet at the checkout?

Are mums so disorganised that they cannot feed teir child before they shop?

Are they keen to feed (ha!) the "I want it now" mentality?

It really annoys me when I see this going on, asit means kids grow up not being able to wait one second from asking to being given.

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 21/12/2009 19:49

I feed mine in the supermarket sometimes. Not because they are hungry, we always go food shopping ona morning after breakfast, but because it keeps them quiet.

It's very hard to concentrate when you have a 6yo who won't stop "Can I have? Can I have? Can I have?" and a 2yo who wreaks havoc when she is out of the trolley and screams the place down if she is made to sit in the trolley.

Giving them both a giant Chuppa Chup lolly or the like on the way around keeps them both quiet and happy. I could bring my own from another shop, but then the Supermarket would probably think it was theirs anyway and charge me again, so whats the point?

BellsandSmells · 21/12/2009 19:50

It's like people who think it's ok to taste the grapes before they buy them! Why is it only grapes people do this with? It's gross. I don't want to buy grapes that some old duffer (usually old folk who do this) has had their mitts in first.

It's a supermarket thing. People don't see it as having an owner per se so it doesn't seem wrong to pinch stuff. You wouldn't do it in a small shop. You do it 'cos you can.

Have to say it's astonishing how many people on here have said they take food off the shelves, open it and start feeding it to their children - to avoid a tantrum! Or because the little darling is hungry! Boo hoo. So bloody what if they're hungry. This is the generation of brats who will grow up thinking they can have anything they want anytime they want it. And that screaming works.

I certainly don't remember my mother doing this for us. She would be horrified at the though.

God, parents these days.

As an aside, I was pretty appalled today to see two toddlers sitting on the floor in my local Waterstones surrounded by picture books, chucking them around as if they were at home and Dad meekly saying "Er, remember to put them back when you've finished with them sweetheart." Like it's a bloody library! Am I supposed to buy those books after they've finished with them?

FGS when did kids start running the world?

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 21/12/2009 19:50

"if you haven't actually paid for the food before you eat it, it's theft."

As someone else asked a while ago - do you never eat in restaurants then?

hazeyjane · 21/12/2009 19:50

Well I guess I am the kind of disorganised mum, you are talking about, because my shopping tends to be done at random moments, when i am in town and dd2 has fallen asleep in pushchair (she doesn't nap regularly, just has a random nap every 2 or 3 days). Sometimes I will give dd1 a piece of the bread i am buying or some grapes (pre-weighed). If dd2 wakes up then I would be insane if i didn't give her something - she is very grumpy after a nap!

The checkout assistants at my local Waitrose (that i have asked) say that most mums with toddlers do this.

BTW I have to confess to opening a bag of crisps and eating some the other day, before I paid for them (I am blaming pregnancy cravings - bacon crisps hmmmmmmmmm)

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 21/12/2009 19:52

I feed my dc in the supermarket most times we go there and am astonished that anyone else would be bothered by it. Absolutely astonished.

We always pay.

The dc do not in any way shape or form have an "I want it now" mentality. They are really well behaved likeable children who get excellent reports from school and are popular with the other kids.

Therefore

YABU

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 21/12/2009 19:54

I feed my dc in the supermarket most times we go there and am astonished that anyone else would be bothered by it. Absolutely astonished.

We always pay.

The dc do not in any way shape or form have an "I want it now" mentality. They are really well behaved likeable children who get excellent reports from school and are popular with the other kids.

Therefore

YABU

hazeyjane · 21/12/2009 19:54

Bellsandsmells - I'm 40 and my mum says she often used to grab some fruit at the greengrocers and let us eat it on the way round. I also remember sitting on the floor in Foyles when I was little reading all the books.

There is a Waterstones near us that has a little reading table and chairs next to the picture books, so i guess they must think it is a good idea to let the children read the books.

clam · 21/12/2009 19:55

Wait a moment. I've just remembered a hideous occasion where DS (2 at the time) posted a chunk of French bread into DD's mouth (few months old). She, unsurprisingly, gagged and threw up - all over him, me, the trolley and part of the shopping.

Hmm, maybe YANBU after all.

GhoulsAreLoud · 21/12/2009 19:55

"Because the little darling is hungry! Boo hoo. So bloody what if they're hungry."

Hahahahaha.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 21/12/2009 19:56

BellsAndSmeells - you'll see that many of us in our 30's and older remember our parents doing the same to us when we were younger.

If it's about avoiding the "I want it now" attitude - then I hope you don't take anything from home for them to eat

If it's about shop lifting -it's only shop lifting if you walk out of the shop without paying.

Flightattendant · 21/12/2009 19:56

Can't be bothered to read entire pointless thread, but can I just say that you don't always know when your child is going to be hungry - especially if they are a fussy beggar, won't generally eat 'food' at home, and your sole containment strategy is distraction.
Admittedly this is a short period in a small child's life but one which I believe justifies the occasional, or indeed regular, use of 'pre-payment snack scenarios' in order to prevent said child from screaming the shop down, climbing out of its buggy, and causing general mayhem.

I am afraid, OP, that I feed on demand much as I did when I first breastfed him (and actually still do at 2.7yo) and this means that I don't always know what he is going to want to eat, and when he is going to acquiesce to actually having it - or realise he has been hungry for a little while and is rather desperate.

If I knew what would quieten him i would bring it in advance - but I don't, so there's no way to be prepared. We go into the nearest shop and we buy what he wants, and he eats it and I do the shopping.

Much as I would buy a sandwich or something I wanted if I suddenly realised Iw as hungry in town.
The only difference being that a toddler is unable to wait a few minutes sometimes in order for it to be paid for - and if you are in the middle of a big shop, there's little point in going to buy the item separately when you'll be at the till shortly anyway.

Do you also object to breastfeeding or indeed bottle feeding on demand?

OrmIrian · 21/12/2009 19:57

Ah a MN hardy perennial

I guess it depends OP on whether the supermarket would rather a little bit of food was eaten before purchase than have the rest of their customers upset by a persistently screaming child.

defyinggravity · 21/12/2009 19:59

My ds is nearly 2 and is given some food when we go to Tesco's. So what? He's not screaming the place down. He's happy and contented and I can get on with my shopping without having him screeching the place down, and me going home having forgotten half the stuff I went in for! Plus Tesco don't seem to have a problem with it so what do you care? I think YABU and need to find something else to worry about.

SantasKinkyKnickers0nMaHead · 21/12/2009 20:00
tethersjinglebellend · 21/12/2009 20:01

I am very glad you have found the time to worry about this very important issue. What with all the neglect, drug-abuse, violence and poverty facing children all over the country, it's certainly to your credit that you got right to the crux of the matter.

Ban this evil filthy habit before it makes its way to Waitrose and corrupts us all.

If the educational setting you work in is throwing this up as the biggest indicator of the moral malaise, then you must work in a school very different to mine.

pispirispisloveschristmas · 21/12/2009 20:04

lol BellsandSmells, sorry, but I need an eye-rolling emoticon! Guessing you haven't had any toddlers recently either? Plus, the food is paid for at the till, not "pinched". you sound like you don't really like children.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/12/2009 20:04

Peony: "And I work in education" - ladies, I give you the school receptionist.

Lol at dude, this is so 2002.

Why does anyone give a fat flying fuck if anyone does this, as long as the food is paid for in the end? I used to be like the OP - would never dream of eating anything pror to paying, however one day I was dying of thirst and drank a bottle of orange on the way round Tesco. A big lottery finger didn't come down from heaven and said 'smite ye, thief' in Brian Blessed voice, so I thought was OK.

AuntieMaggie · 21/12/2009 20:04

It is theft and as someone has already said, you can be arrested for it.

Having said that I don't have children and have resorted to opening a bottle of coke and taking a couple of sips before paying for it once when my blood sugar dropped suddenly and I was about to pass out.

I don't agree with giving your children food that hasn't been paid for every time you go shopping though. I always take a cup for my nieces/nephews with their juice in it and a sandwich or something in my bag.

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 20:05

studies have shown that if dc don't learn the principles of delayed gratification, their life chances are pretty poor.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/12/2009 20:06

How is this theft by the way? If it is on the basis of consumption prior to paying we are all thieves every time we go to Pizza Express.

golgi · 21/12/2009 20:06

I used to feed mine to stop them pulling each other's ears off.

Whoever designed the supermarket trolley to have two seats right next to each other rather than one at either end did not have two small boys.

I don't do it so much now as they are big enough to "help".

My eldest son was trotting along beside the trolley today, when he was hissed at by some grumpy old woman fellow shopper for being in her way.

Perhaps he should have been sitting in the trolley eating bananas.

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 20:06

Never mind the dc, by the time I get to the checkout I have usually had a sandwich, a drink and possibly a cake. Lunch while you shop, multitasking, what's not to like? What do they care as long as you pay?

defyinggravity · 21/12/2009 20:07

Surely its only theft if the food is eaten and you leave the store without paying for it?

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 20:07

My DCs have occasionally been very thirsty

Flightattendant · 21/12/2009 20:08

By WhereYouLeftIt Mon 21-Dec-09 19:32:51
Everybody commenting here that they have done this has made it clear that they do pay for the goods when they reach the checkout.

Not accusing anyone, but I'm just wondering, if this way of shopping is so common - how often do those empty barcoded packets find their way into a pocket rather than the trolley?

__

Whenever I see someone post something like that, it makes me wonder why their mentality is so cued to think that everyone else is dishonest - perhaps they are themselves and assume everyone else is, or maybe they just have a trust issue...eitehr way it says more about the poster than those who are being 'accused'.

and no, if a packet made its way into my pocket and I found it later I would have to go back and pay - I can't live with karma like that.
Like most people who do this thing, I'm honest and only want to do the right thing, ie declare and pay for anything consumed by my child, at the same time as making sure the supermarket is not disturbed by the sound of him crying or struggling.

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