Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder why parents give their children food in supermarkets when it is not yet paid for?

535 replies

purplepeony · 21/12/2009 18:50

Do you?

is your child so hungry that you have to grab a frnech stick, break bits off and feed it to them then present the empty packet at the checkout?

Are mums so disorganised that they cannot feed teir child before they shop?

Are they keen to feed (ha!) the "I want it now" mentality?

It really annoys me when I see this going on, asit means kids grow up not being able to wait one second from asking to being given.

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 23/12/2009 13:32

"PurplePeony, if you are still there... I am with you one hundred percent. I can't think of a single good reason why a child needs to be fed in a supermarket at all, never mind with food that hasn't been paid for. It just gives them the idea that a) they don't have to wait for what they want, and b) that food is the solution to any kind of negative feeling. Sorry, but the moral high ground (terribly unfashionable, I know, but there it is) is with people who pay first and eat later. The rest of you know that you really don't have a moral leg to stand on, hence all the 'witty' comments."

So true.

This would be a fascinating and insightful response to the OP if, indeed, it answered the OP.

However, what the OP actually asked is not, "is there any need to do this?" but "why do people do this?" And the answer is clear. Because they want to. Because they have small children who are hungry and whom they are providing, not with Easter eggs and Penguins, but with a small amount of food to tide them over. Because the supermarkets - who own the food - do not object as long as the food is subsequently paid for.

It does NOT give children the idea that they do not have to wait for anything - it gives them the idea that they do not have to wait for food; which, in the absence of a compelling reason (none of which - spoiled appetite; social occasion of a forthcoming meal - seem to be under discussion here) is actually a pretty good way to think unless you are a PoW.

It does NOT give children the impression that food is the answer to any negative feeling - it gives them the impression that food is the answer to hunger. Which, in sentient aerobic organisms, it is. Again, a pretty good lesson to learn.

Anyone who wants the moral high ground is welcome to it. Which supermarkets do they have up there, by the way?

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 13:40

I didn't breastfeed my children for long either, TheCaller - the best I managed was mixed feeding ds3 - but even with the other two, I demand fed them with formula.

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 13:42

I would have thought that Waitrose, Harrods Food Hall, and Fortnum and Masons would be the shops of the Moral High Ground.

grumblealltheway · 23/12/2009 14:21

OP - you have offended ME by your woeful comments about working in education where you apparently see the can't wait attitude all the time. I work in education too and I wouldn't want to work with anyone who slags off their learners in such a derisory way nor would I want my DC's educated by them.

So if I offend you with my trails of french stick breadcrumbs that I feed my toddler and you offend me with your narrow minded and unprofessional comments about education then we're square aren't we.

HTH with your 'query'.

Lotster · 23/12/2009 14:36

At the end of the day, it isn't really up to those who feel they have a better upbringing/moral high ground/delusions of grandeur to decide whether it's right or wrong to feed a toddler in the supermarket, and hand out judgements is it?

If supermarkets didn't like this practice, they would make it policy that the person on checkout would reprimand a customer and ask them not to do it again. However they don't, as they don't want to alienate customers (particularly those with a family to feed and therefore lots to spend) and lose custom. Work it out FFS.

MIFLAW · 23/12/2009 15:03

Incidentally, a lot of tosh is doled out on threads like this about such eating being "theft".

The following from the Theft Act 1968 (which hinges on a "dishonest" appropriation):

A person's appropriation of property belonging to another is not to be regarded as dishonest if he appropriates the property in the belief that he would have the other's consent if the other knew of the appropriation and the circumstances of it

Based on experience (mine and others') I believe that I have the supermarket's consent to take food on these terms.

Ergo not dishonest, ergo not theft.

Put that in your moral high ground and smoke it.

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 15:15

MIFLAW - are you referring to eating food from a barcoded packet on the way round, with the intention of paying at the till - because as you and others have said, retailers don't mind this, and you pay for it anyway, so it cannot be classed as theft.

If, instead, you are referring to people eating stuff that cannot easily be charged for at the till, such as fruit that needs weighing at the checkout, then you are taking the property with no intention of paying for it, which sounds like theft to me.

Retailers probably turn a blind eye to it because it would cost more to stop it than it costs them, and anyway, it costs nothing, because the price markup in supermarkets and other shops includes something to cover 'shrinkage' - or shoplifting/theft - so everyone is paying for what is stolen.

I agree this is far more of an issue when it is a TV or some high value goods, but I wish that my shopping bill didn't have to cover the costs of shoplifting.

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 23/12/2009 15:34

I am beyond aghast.

MIFLAW · 23/12/2009 15:36

I personally am referring to things which are bar-coded because that way I know I can pay for them. FWIW - and it's only my opinion - it WOULD seem immoral to me to take something sold by weight (unless I could weigh it myself, get a price, and then eat it, as is possible in French supermarkets) as the intention there is surely not to pay and the supermarket therefore surely would mind.

However, what's really important is to acknowledge that that is a completely SEPARATE moral issue to the one about feeding your child before paying.

One is the question of whether you should pay before eating and I say no, not necessarily, that's silly.

The other is, do you pay at all? And I say, yes, you should.

The OP and her cronies seem keen to blur these two disticnt issues into one so that they can more easily slap our wrists.

MrsGuyOfChristmasBorn · 23/12/2009 15:52

Have not read whole thread, but OP YANBU, disfgusting habit. Why not feed them first?

madamearcati · 23/12/2009 17:08

No YANBU
Toddlers have to learn to behave in supermarkets without being bribed and appeased.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 17:15

Yeh! Two more no-trying before buying in shops fans! Thank you ladies!
Watch out all you crumby mummies- the food police will be watching you in Tescos, Sainsbury's , Morrisons and where ever you go.

OP posts:
dollishillbilly · 23/12/2009 17:21

YABU

If anyone us paid attention to the 'Not-in-my-day' brigade, we'd never leave our homes.

catastrojb · 23/12/2009 17:22

woo-hoo - cats-bum club!

enjoy your stalking....we're off to sup in the bread aisle in sainbury's.

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 23/12/2009 17:27

Horrified is not the word.

Flightattendant · 23/12/2009 17:35
Hmm
kinnies · 23/12/2009 18:22

I just had a ribena in asda before paying

It was that or pass out. I would rather not faint in a busy que.

MIFLAW · 23/12/2009 18:23

"the food police will be watching you in Tescos, Sainsbury's , Morrisons and where ever you go."

I wondered what had happened to all the traffic wardens since the private companies took over ...

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 23/12/2009 18:46

"the food police will be watching you in Tescos, Sainsbury's , Morrisons and where ever you go."

instead of watching us why don't they come over and offer to look after the "brats" so we can do the shopping in peace....

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 18:48

The big Tesco Extra at Pitsea used to have a creche for children under 8 years old. We could bung the boys in there, do the shopping and have time for a cup of coffee and a sticky bun before we had to pick them up.

Ah happy days.

MattBellamysMuse · 23/12/2009 21:25

OP and her cronies seem to be from the Claire Verity school of parenting...

MattBellamysMuse · 23/12/2009 21:26

MrsGuy, disguting? Really? You must lead a very sheltered life.

confuddledDOTcom · 23/12/2009 21:41

I'm making this a post of it's own so that it might get answered...

WHY IS IT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I OR ANY MOTHER DOES WITH THEIR CHILDREN WHEN SHOPPING?

clankypanky · 23/12/2009 22:21

Ha ha, I feel it is my right to feed my children round the supermarket to keep them quiet....they are making a flippin packet out of me at the end of the day. I dont do it on purpose but I dont always plan my whole week meaning that occasionally i'll flip and go 'we need to go shopping and i just realised we need to do it now because there is no other time' hence i dont take snacks...sometimes it'll be because im just nipping in for the odd thing but then realise its actually for more...and kids get hungry...or would you rather they scream to death. Heck Ive been known to go shopping after a hard day at work 32 weeks pregnant and suddenlt start gipping out because Im about to die if I dont get food (not exagerating, it used to feel awful) and then i would stuff my face, sit down, shake for a bit and then carry on and pay for my food. Whats the problem? If the food is paid for? Even if its not...get a life.

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 22:45

I guess people notice and comment on this behaviour for the same reason they notice and comment on a whole lot of other things - because it is interesting to see what other people do and to wonder why they do it.

And who amongst us has not succumbed to the tiniest bit of pleasurable judginess when observing some behaviour of which we disapprove?