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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect our xmas guests to respect the fact that we are vegetarian

111 replies

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:30

OK so we are new veggies, we still eat fish but phasing it out slowly (dp reticent about this although his idea to be veggie). I have made this decision on an animal welfare standpoint.

My mum and DD1 are coming to dinner - DD1 is happy to go with the flow, my mum relly wants turkey - no worries, we can afford to get a small free range turkey - she wont countenance a chicken, but no "oh, but i always have a big turkey" i like to give some to the animals and have sandwiches etc. But i say, its only you going to be eating it fgs. I was planning on buying a small turkey crown, smallest i can find, free range wont be cheap lets face it.

She has phoned me every day for the past week - have i sorted the turkey out yet, only if i leave it too late there wont be any left

I really don't want a turkey, but i will cook it for DM, DD1 and DD2 (who is four and we still cook chicken for her) but i dont want a giant great big bird that will be a complete waste and tbh, if we have to do tht we might as well sodding well eat it but we dont really like turkey anyway.

Am i being a veggie grinch??

OP posts:
Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:31

should add that my mum probably will pay for turkey but not really the point, just dont see why she can't take a risk and eat sodding nut roast!

OP posts:
Slambang · 18/12/2009 17:32

a small to middle -sized turkey compromise and give your mum the leftovers to take home?

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 18/12/2009 17:33

If you might as well sodding well eat it you are not doing so well as a vegetarian .

I do feel why should your mum miss out on turkey because of your choices tbh.

muggglewump · 18/12/2009 17:34

Well you're not veggie if you eat fish if that helps?

I'd honestly get your Mum the turkey this year.
Since you are newly not veggie, she's maybe a bit disappointed at the last minute and by next year will be more accepting.

I don't get the obsession with turkey myself but if it's important to your Mum, and it seems to be, then get it for her.

Chaotica · 18/12/2009 17:34

Not really being a veggie grinch. Quite understanding in the circumstances. She should stick by your rules (and take what she gets given if you're bending them).

YANBU

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:35

but fab, when she says she wants a big turkey, she means she want one that will barely fit in the oven, tis the same every year!! It just needs to be wee, its for two people at the most!!

OP posts:
googietheegg · 18/12/2009 17:35

If this was a long-term choice of yours then I would say YANBU, but the fact that it's recent and it's Christmas means I think YABU.

Nut roast at Christmas for a meat eater is like 'a kiss without a moustache' as DH likes to say

Chaotica · 18/12/2009 17:36

Tis true that you're not doing so well on the veggie thing if you're still eating fish and feeding DD chicken though.

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 18/12/2009 17:37

Let her get the turkey

Just buy what you think you need.

Or don't get one at all.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:37

no muggle, you are right - i just tell people we dont eat meat, not bothered about the label although have been thinking about cutting fish out recently, DP not so keen. Having watched them fishing on the tv last night realising that they dont knock the fish on the head as soon as they are caught, just left to suffocate - not nice

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 18/12/2009 17:37

YANBU.

She's coming to your house, she can cook one herself at home on boxing day if she wants a load of leftovers. Its nice of you to cook her turkey at all if you're veggie. It would be rude of her to insist on a big turkey even if you weren't veggie if that's not what you wanted to cook.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/12/2009 17:38

buy a small bernard mathews turkey joint for her/dc

how long have you been a veggie?

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:38

googie - i have to take issue with your DH there, id much prefer the kiss without the moustache sorry!

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 18/12/2009 17:39

if she's paying for it then just get a huge free range one and give her the rest to take home.

GrimmaTheNome · 18/12/2009 17:39

Also, would you actually have room to cook what you and your DH want if you've got an ovenful of oversized gobbler?

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 18/12/2009 17:40

Just get a small turkey. Tell your mum you have bought said turkey, that there will be turkey for her and DD and there will be enough for seconds and left overs. Why does she need to see you buy something big enough to feed more people than will be eating it? If she's not happy with that, say she's welcome to cook what ever she wants in her own home and visit you after lunch.

timelordvictorious · 18/12/2009 17:40

I don't really understand the issue. You're happy to cook a turkey crown, but not a huge bird? If your mum wants extras to give to the animals and make sandwiches for the meat eaters, then surely she is in charge of making sure there is no waste?

(FWIW, last week I cooked a reasonably large turkey for four adults and a toddler -it did one roast meal, a curry the next day, and the rest went to the dogs.)

Good luck with your switch to veggie-ism, by the way. I struggle to be honest - am very careful to only buy meet that has been treated well, and we don't eat a huge amount, but I think I lack the necessary conviction to go the whole hog. (Sorry, dreadful pun there )

Bathsheba · 18/12/2009 17:42

I find that people say loads of stuff about the quality of things like turkey but actually when all is said and done they can't tell...

I'd pick up the smallest, cheapest frozen one I could find..

My SFIL always insisted he wouldn;t eat turkey that had been frozen - he actually had no clue and as long as he didn;t see it, he'd never ever ever have known

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:43

Blondes - over my dead body will anything from bastard matthews find its way into my kitchen!!!

OP posts:
GeneHuntsMistress · 18/12/2009 17:46

as someone who has not eaten any meat for over 25 years, i do think you are being rather unreasonable.

i always cook a roast bird at christmas. the only thing i draw the line at is sticking my hand up its arse so get it ready stuffed or DH does it. doesnt bother me to cook it at all, as long as i dont have to eat it i am happy.

btw as a long term non-meat eater, let me tell you i would rather eat shit on christmas day than bloody nutroast. it is disgusting yuk yuk yuk.

when i go to friends' houses for supper etc, they always accommodate my non-meat-eating requirements, so i would find it rather rude not to reciprocate. I dont ALWAYS cook meat for friends etc, if i can find a middle ground, but particularly at Christmas i prefer to be traditional. also i LOVE a roast dinner just not the dead flesh bit, so i eat all the rest very happily

GrendelsMum · 18/12/2009 17:47

Buy a small, organic free-range turkey and just tell your mum 'yes, I've bought a lovely turkey for you, it looks ever so tasty, you'll have lots left for sandwiches and a turkey curry'. Which there will be.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/12/2009 17:47

then get a small crown from iceland - about £8/10

JustAnotherManicMummy · 18/12/2009 17:48

I object to the potential waste of getting an enormous turkey and think your free-range crown option is very reasonable.

However, I will have to insist you have gravy too or tis not Christmas

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 18/12/2009 17:50

You're NOT a vegitarian!!!!!!

Tell her if she isn't happy with what you are providing she can bring her own turkey.

JaneS · 18/12/2009 17:51

Your house, your rules.