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Original poster

To expect our xmas guests to respect the fact that we are vegetarian

111 replies

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:30

OK so we are new veggies, we still eat fish but phasing it out slowly (dp reticent about this although his idea to be veggie). I have made this decision on an animal welfare standpoint.

My mum and DD1 are coming to dinner - DD1 is happy to go with the flow, my mum relly wants turkey - no worries, we can afford to get a small free range turkey - she wont countenance a chicken, but no "oh, but i always have a big turkey" i like to give some to the animals and have sandwiches etc. But i say, its only you going to be eating it fgs. I was planning on buying a small turkey crown, smallest i can find, free range wont be cheap lets face it.

She has phoned me every day for the past week - have i sorted the turkey out yet, only if i leave it too late there wont be any left

I really don't want a turkey, but i will cook it for DM, DD1 and DD2 (who is four and we still cook chicken for her) but i dont want a giant great big bird that will be a complete waste and tbh, if we have to do tht we might as well sodding well eat it but we dont really like turkey anyway.

Am i being a veggie grinch??

OP posts:
WobblyWenchisBEHINDYOU · 18/12/2009 21:32

lol! It's just the breast of the bird, no legs, no skin all meat.

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 21:34

I had a crown of something for the first time the other day.

It was a bit of a let down as I like legs normally (well durr)

i think it was half price there must have been a good reason.

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 21:36

look at the price!

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 21:40

Actually I've changed my mind. Don't get a crown it's a waste of money, get a small whole bird.

Don't get a monster mahoosive comedy one whetever you do.

Just had a thought... Could you fashion a fake mahoosive turkey out of papier mache, display to mother, then say due to space constraints you will have to carve in another room, where you put slices from sensibly sized normal turkey on plate.

Kids can help with papier mache too, everyone's a winner

ravenAK · 18/12/2009 21:46

Small turkey if a big one will take up an inconvenient amount of oven space, otherwise I'd just get your mum the turkey she wants (it's still one life taken, I suppose).

Xmas night, strip the carcass, tupperware the meat & let your mum have it to take home.

Next year you can say 'Oh look, we got a turkey that could've carried off Sinbad last year, & most of it went to waste - we're just doing veggie this year, but if you want to cook a small turkey & bring it over for yourself & the dc if they want some, that's fine.'

My MIL usually turns up with a roast chicken (dh's family hate turkey) or, if we've got loads of the ILs, I do them a joint of beef or pork - neither of which is anything like as much hassle as a sumo-size turkey!

piscesmoon · 18/12/2009 22:07

As you have said that she will probably pay for the turkey I would phone her up with about 3 different options and the prices. As long as she pays I don't see that it matters-just give her all that is left and it is her problem what to do with it.
The other alternative is to measure the oven and the space you need and tell her the size that she can go up to.

Diziet · 19/12/2009 10:39

Hmmmm.... you still eat fish you say ... isn't it carp on the menu for Christmas dinner, Polish style???
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!
I've seen some of them in my husband's angling magazines, they're HUUUUUGE.....
No, OP, YANBU at all. If I went to a vegetarian (or Piscetarian, as I heard someone call it once!)family's house for ANY meal I wouldn't expect a meaty dish - hell, we're omnivores in our house!!
Soltice Greetings!!! xxx

Morloth · 19/12/2009 10:56

Couldn't she buy and roast the turkey herself and bring it along? That way she can have exactly what she likes with no hassle for you.

edam · 19/12/2009 11:01

Good idea Morloth.

Or just get the turkey crown and present her with a fait accompli.

cumbria81 · 19/12/2009 11:11

if you were going for dinner you would expect them to cater for your vegetarianism so I think you should extend them the same courtesy. They are guests, at the end of the day.

ImSoNotTelling · 19/12/2009 11:26

yes cumbria but if you were going to a vegetarian's house and they said "as you eat meat we will roast a small chicken for you 2 to share" would you say "sod that mate it's got to be a huge 10 person bird with stuffing and sausages in bacon cos otherwise it's not proper waaaah and I don't liiiiike it"

personally i would never expect a veggie to cook meat for me anyway, that is a dreadful thing to ask someone to do, OP hasn't been veggie long so I guess she's not as squeamish about it though.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2009 11:27

you're not a veggie if you eat fish.

you're a pescetarian.

what Morloth said.

tell her to sort it out herself if she wants it and bring it along as you're tired of her nagging.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 19/12/2009 11:39

You are being too wishy washy.

If you don't want to serve meat say so! Have no meat at the table and stick to your guns. Wavering on this issue just gives people the chance to weedle more things out of you.

Either tell your mother no meat or buy a bird and get it over with. Make a decision and stick to it!

But then I would extend that to your whole vegetarianism as a family. Be a veggie or don't. If you eat fish then you are not a veggie. If you might as well eat the turkey....well...

diddl · 19/12/2009 12:14

If you are buying/cooking I would say it´s up to you to get the size you want.

If your mum is buying the turkey then up to her-as long as it´ll fit in your oven!

We´ve only ever had one big enough for us all Christmas Day & to have some cold Boxing Day with pickle and fried pots!

chamoiscreased · 19/12/2009 12:18

I am veggie (a real one ) and if my parents come for xmas as they often do, they buy and prepare any meat they want to eat. I provide a veggie dish for everyone who doesn't want meat. They then get what they want however they prefer it and I don't have animal fat all over my kitchen!

lunaestellina · 19/12/2009 13:14

I was always taught to eat what your given end of story. If your mum is so desperate to have a massive bird let her buy it, cook it at hers and bring it over ready for xmas dinner then take the remains back with her!

cloelia · 19/12/2009 17:24

We will be six people at Christmas and most of us eat very little meat; I had a chat with our butcher about this and he said that a good free range chicken was much better than a smallish turkey as the smallish turkey is mostly carcass with less meat (to keep it smallish) whilst the chicken would be much meatier. I would tell your mother this, buy a really good chicken, and if she persists buy a turkey leg thing and stick it alongside the chicken at some point in the roasting. I strongly believe it is the hosts' choice what to cook.

everlong · 19/12/2009 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovechoc · 19/12/2009 18:29

I'd say get some meat or poultry on the table for your guests. I'd honestly run a mile if I got invited to a veggie's house for dinner. I like a good bit meat or fish or poultry to get stuck into. Steak preferred but hey hum...

47doublechins · 19/12/2009 18:43

I'm a life long vegetarian. I'm now 48 years old.

I haven't eaten meat since I was old enough to stand up for myself; not be force fed meat; and fight/battle etc.

It doesn't help that I'm a Farmer's daughter and all our meat was home reared.(Our meat was ethically raised; but I will always be A vegetarian.

Cut to the chase: I have no problem with cooking meat for anyone, as long as I don't have to eat it. Both my Daughter and DH are carnivores.

I don't see a problem as long as the meat/animals are ethically raised/treated.

I'll go along to my local farm shop to choose a cow/pig/lamb for the freezer for my family to eat.

What I care about is the animal husbandry (whilst they are alive) and the method of slaughtering.

I don't eat meat because I hate the taste/dirty/unclean feeling in my mouth.I've since found out that it was "instinct" driven/self preservation... I'm the first Woman in my family (for 3 generations) that hasn't had a fatal brain aneurism at or before 40.

All these "nouveau vegetarians " should think carefully.
Animals are on this planet for one reason; and one reason only (as far as Man, as a species is concerned; food)

Sheep, deer, cows, pigs would have been hunted to extinction if they couldn't have been farmed. They only exist now because of their ability to be farmed succesfully over millenia.

"Becoming vegetarian; or I'm going to be vegetarian " is something that I encounter frequently.

I will advise that your eating out menu will be confined to something beetroot, something goat's cheese; something mushroom.

I would cheerfully strangle the fucking goat that produces all the fucking cheese.

I believe one can can gauge a chef

piscesmoon · 19/12/2009 18:52

I have to say 47doublechins that that is the most sensible post I have ever seen from a vegetarian! Probably because you actually know how food is produced. I find that most vegetarians haven't a clue-for example they have no idea of what is involved in milk production.

Hulababy · 19/12/2009 19:05

I am pescetarian. I don't eat meat as I just don't like it. I am not really sure what it is I don't like really, and it is odd as other than meat I am not a picky or fussy eater generally - just with meat.

My Dh and 7y DD eat meat. My DD in particular loves meat and is a complete carnivore!

I have no problem with preparing, cooking and serving meat. Infact most meals I do involve meat; I am far more adventurous cook with meat than anything else.

We don't have turkey as Dh says it is his least favourite meat.

However if I had family coming who liked turkey I would cook it. But I would be loathe to send a lot of money on one that was too big and would meal lots of leftovers and potentially waste.

If your mum wants a lrge turkey could she not buy it and cook it at home, and thn bring it for Christmas dinner?

47doublechins · 19/12/2009 21:01

I used to be quite happy to shoot a brace of pheasant in the 1970's; then hang/pluck/them for my family.

But not now.

They're overbred and they're bred for stupid guns; to just pop out of the sky.

People that aren't from the country don't understand the difference.

Like they don't understand cub/fox hunting.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 19/12/2009 21:21

oh i am not sentimental or squeemish, we just decided we dont want to eat meat anymore - i dont have a problem preparing and cooking it. I dont have a problem buying a turkey - i just want to buy one of appropriate size as i really dont want to waste food. its quite simple.

Will buy a turkey of my choice - my mum will have to lump it, i bet she will end up buying herself one and cook it up anyway! Weirdo!!

lol at double chins, stupid guns!! ha ha - thats what i think too. I would happily shoot something myself and eat it actually - id have no problem raising my own meat either - but not practical and i think im probably just the wrong side of the sentimental fence to eat my own percy the pig ;)

OP posts:
2rebecca · 19/12/2009 21:57

I think you should have made it clear from the start that you will be cooking a vegetarian xmas dinner and anyone coming to your house eats that. If various rellies didn't like it they can stay at home/ organise themselves.
If I was invited to a vegetarians for dinner I wouldn't expect them to cook meat just for me (despite them always expecting me to cook something veggie for them). Vegetarians don't do tolerance.
When they started wittering on about turkeys you should have made it clear there wasn't going to be one if you didn't want to cook meat or have it in the house.
Agree a turkey is mad if less than 4 eating it anyway, especially if you won't eat leftovers.
To me everyone eating together is more important than what you eat anyway.

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