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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect our xmas guests to respect the fact that we are vegetarian

111 replies

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 17:30

OK so we are new veggies, we still eat fish but phasing it out slowly (dp reticent about this although his idea to be veggie). I have made this decision on an animal welfare standpoint.

My mum and DD1 are coming to dinner - DD1 is happy to go with the flow, my mum relly wants turkey - no worries, we can afford to get a small free range turkey - she wont countenance a chicken, but no "oh, but i always have a big turkey" i like to give some to the animals and have sandwiches etc. But i say, its only you going to be eating it fgs. I was planning on buying a small turkey crown, smallest i can find, free range wont be cheap lets face it.

She has phoned me every day for the past week - have i sorted the turkey out yet, only if i leave it too late there wont be any left

I really don't want a turkey, but i will cook it for DM, DD1 and DD2 (who is four and we still cook chicken for her) but i dont want a giant great big bird that will be a complete waste and tbh, if we have to do tht we might as well sodding well eat it but we dont really like turkey anyway.

Am i being a veggie grinch??

OP posts:
Sn0wflake · 18/12/2009 20:21

Your house - your rules...nut roast is lovely....in fact I've got one in the oven right now.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 20:27

blimey pooexplosions - don't you like me?? have i said something to upset you - if i have, then i apologise (i mean on other threads)

I do take that on board about be grateful i have a mum because i don't have my dad and would as someone else said, happily kill the turkey myself to have him at my xmas table- i will happily cook my mother a turkey crown (She doesn't like the legs) but she wants a giant monster bird - its quite funny actually, she has done it every year - got the biggest bird in the shop - there was only ever me and my mum and dad. they have always come to us xmas day, we have always had quite a big bird - then boxing day, what did she do - cooked a second one - it all used to get thrown away - weird, just plain weird!

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicMummy · 18/12/2009 20:31

No it's me that's upset pooexplosions I was trying to point out that what you were asking as the OP was just a relatively trivial thing and the fact you have a mother and some don't was not really relevant to your question.

MillyR · 18/12/2009 20:31

This is an absurd situation!

If someone is coming to your house to eat, it is nice of you to provide them with the meal that they want to eat.

But to argue that you need to cook more than is required for the meal, because they want you to provide them with leftovers that they can take home and eat later is really peculiar. Is that really a common demand?

Would anyone who has said that the OP is unreasonable really behave that way themselves? I cannot imagine thinking it is acceptable to turn up at my mother's house and go, 'ooh, yes, I love the fact we're going to have cheescake; can you make it twice the size so I can take six slices home and eat it later?'

The vegetarian element is not important; it is the utter greed of wanting more food than you can possibly eat to be prepared and cooked for you by someone else that is the unreasonable part.

JaneS · 18/12/2009 20:33

Whew ... kind of amazed by responses saying OP is unreasonable. A big turkey fills the oven, come on! It means OP can't cook the other things she wants.

Btw, I am having my first meat-free Christmas with my partner, who has to fast on the 25th because for him, it's still Advent. This post makes me realize how nice my family have been about it, actually ...

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 20:37

Xmas is not about having some kind of mahoosive comedy bird on the table. if that is what christmas is all about then your prorities are a tad skewed.

OP says it all gets chucked away anyway. If mum doesn't like the legs then why buy a whole bird?

Stick to your guns OP

Buddleja · 18/12/2009 20:38

Don't think you are being unreasonable not wanting to buy a gigantic turkey at all - get a small free range one and be done with it. (I'm doing chicken myself DH doesn't like turkey!)

I'm too intrigued no to ask LittleRedDragon why is your partner fasting on 25th and why is it still advent to him. Educate me please!!!

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 20:39

Why is it still advent littlered?

In my mum's defence, she is not greedy - just weird! Programmed into having sumo bird every year, and every year loads gets thrown away

But really, tis no biggie - she will come, i will buy the crown, she will be happy and i will force feed her nut roast and sherry

OP posts:
Buddleja · 18/12/2009 20:41

Force feed her the sherry first I reckon it'll make the nut roast forcing easier lol

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 18/12/2009 20:45

Sorry, lads, got a bit touchy there! Just a little sensitive on the subject....
ijustwant I know we've met on other threads but I don't remember squaring up, we didn't have a fight did we?

Ok, rational answer, YANBU and YABU. Maybe try to work out what it is about the big bird thing and replicate it in someway? Perhaps its the idea that you are supposed to show how you can afford to splash out at Christmas, or its the psychological need to over feed your family at a special occasion? Is your ma feeling old and having trouble handing over the reigns of hosting to you maybe?
Just thinking if it seems an odd thing to be bothered about, maybe its actually representative of something else?

CitizenPrecious · 18/12/2009 20:48

YANBU.I think your mum should be the one counting her blessings- you're making her dinner and you've suggested a very reasonable compromise, IMO.

My inlaws also have this obsession with getting a whole massive turkey- that MIL (nearly 80) had to hoik from the shops, in and out of the oven etc etc- and then they'd chuck the leftovers out after boxing day.

Tis insaaaaaaane!

Guad · 18/12/2009 20:53

I think asking you to cook her enough to have leftovers is a bit weird.

Thats said, it is probably easier just to keep the peace.

Original poster
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 18/12/2009 20:53

no worries poo - i have actually said something very similar to someone bemoaning their dad once - i totally understand.

lol - yeah, weve sparred before - but thas good!

I guess some of her reasoning is because she has ALWAYS had a big turkey - i remember having to go with my dad shopping and lining the turkeys up to see which was the biggest!

OP posts:
Guad · 18/12/2009 20:53

that even

Feelingoptimistic · 18/12/2009 20:54

YANBU

Can I please also make the point, that the reason people can afford to buy huge turkeys (that they end up throwing away) is that those turkeys are reared in incredibly inhumane and environmentally unsustainable conditions - that what they are cheap.

I am not vegeterian - but I only buy very small amounts of the best quality organic meat I can afford - and none of it is every wasted - because I know how much I paid for it, and also because it is completely unethical to waste meat.

pigletmania · 18/12/2009 20:56

I really dont know, I personally think that you should provide a non veggie option for those who are not veggie as you would expect someone to provide a veggie option for you if you went to their house, fair is fair imo. Yes they will go with the flow but might really want Turkey at Christmas. However if you are not prepared to do that, than if people want to bring their own meat you should respect that

Tortington · 18/12/2009 20:57

no get a crown and tell your mum to fk off

pigletmania · 18/12/2009 20:59

Yes a crown is a very good idea indeed.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 18/12/2009 20:59

Apologies poo my first post was a little insensitive if you've had a bereavement and didn't intend to make you feel bad.

I always think AIBU has to be treated in a relatively light-hearted way and I forgot not every one else does.

nickytwotimes · 18/12/2009 21:01

I am veggie.

MIL brings the turkey herself - I would probably kill everyone as I have never cooked meat in my puff.

If she wants you to do one, get the crown.

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 21:04

Crown is Op's original offer to her mum! Loving that it has now been brought up as new and original solution to tricky conundrum

WobblyWenchisBEHINDYOU · 18/12/2009 21:20

OP just buy the crown, appease your mum in the meantime, tell her yes, you have bought the bird. When she turns up for dinner, she may be disappointed, but will have no choice but to eat what you have provided. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

My Mum is a veggie and I always cook something special for her as she always cooked turkey for us meat eating kids!

MillyR · 18/12/2009 21:29

What is a turkey crown anyway?

MillyR · 18/12/2009 21:30

I am imagining your Mum wearing a crown made up out of bits of Turkey flesh. I need someone to explain what the crown actually is.

ImSoNotTelling · 18/12/2009 21:31

Or like in friends where joey gets the turkey stuck on his head

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