To not want to car share? Long, sorry.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Yes, I probably am but I will give it a try anyway.

I commute from Gloucester to Bristol every day, round trip of about 75 miles. A colleague in another department also lives in Gloycester, he gives a woman a lift every day. He is now leaving and, as the woman as no transport, he has mentioned in passing that I live in Gloucester and I might be able to give her a lift. I don't know this woman at all, she works in a different building from me.

Now she has emailed me and said can she start getting a lift from Feb onwards. She has offered £25 a week, which is what she currently gives my friend.

I don't want to do this. I know it seems unfair but please hear me out:

-I live nearer the motorway than she does, if I pick her up from her house (which I am presuming is the arrangement) it means doubling back on myself and then getting on the motorway at one junction further back from Bristol than my normal one.
-We work flexi time - I can go into work any time from 6 til 9 and leave any time as long as I have done my allocated hours. I do tend to do overtime as wll. I really don't want to feel I am making someone hang around waiting for me, equally I don't want to hang around waiting for someone else. I don't know her typical working pattern.

Oh and to be perfectly honest I really want some time on my own - my commute is a time when I either sit in silence thinking throuh the day, or use it to call my family, all of whom live miles away. I don't want to share my time with a stranger.

Am I being selfish? And even if I am not, how do I say no without sounding like a cow?

I'd feel exactly the same as you. Completely your decision.

YANBU

Not being selfish at all !

Just tell her no for the reasons you've outlined. There isnothink unreasonable Bout wanting some time to yourslf at the end of a busy day.

YANBU. This is such a common problem of car sharing.

Just say 'I would so love to help you out but it really is difficult with the flexibiity of my hours and the unpredicable nature of my family life and other commitments'

There is a car share website where people can sign up.

Bloody hell.

NOTHING..

YANBU

I think the flexi time thing is reason enough but I absolutely would not want to give up my precious me time for anyone. I drive into London and I love my 3hrs of peace, quiet, radio or fave music and thinking time each day.

DH gave a chap a lift for about 2 years. Was only about half an hour each way but he hated it. Ended up being a real slave to this bloke. We were only dating at the time and he ended up cancelling dates sometimes because this bloke was working a bit late. DH is too nice.

Her transport issues are not your problem so be strong and say no!

YANBU, but I don't know how you phrase it to her! Maybe just say you might be able to do it occasionally but don't want to commit to a formal arrangement as your hours are too erratic?

No, of course you're not being selfish. You're under no obligation whatsoever - especially as you don't even know the woman. It's not like you're letting down a close friend.

Email back and say what you've said here. You don't think it would suit for X, Y and Z reasons and you hope she finds an alternative solution. Maybe use your DCs' tendency to be ill at school and then need emergency collection as a reason? Milk it a bit?

YANBU. You would lose your flexi time. That should be a good enough reason to give her really. Just say you value your flexibility too much. Plus she might be unbearable. I find most people unbearable in the morning TBH, but then I am very grumpy. Much more difficult to change the arrangement once it has started.

YANBU at all. I would HATE having to wait around for someone or feel I had to rush to fit in with someone else's work schedule. And I fully understand about that alone time in the car to and from work.

So DEF not BU!

YANBU YANBU YANBU

Is this unanimous? Bloody hell!

YANBU. Cite your flexible working hours and school/nursery run as the reason it won't be practicable.

Oh thank GOD you lot, I thought I was about to be flamed for being (a) selfish (b) 'think of the environment' and (c) just being generally bloody-minded. Am very pleased that you think the same.

Shall I just email back no (will email at 13.59 and run hell for leather out the door)

My friend has already laid on the guilt trips, saying that the trains from Gloucester to Abbeywood are unreliable etc and she will be stuck as there is nobody else living in Gloucester.

That's not your fault, OP.

This cannot be a unanimous AIBU can it?

YANBU. And how did she end up taking a job 75 miles from home with no transport? Presumably she didn't have the lift-share in place before she started (unless she knew the man beforehand) so she must have made her own way to work somehow at the start...

But putting it bluntly, that's her problem.

She could learn to drive, make arrangements with a local taxi firm, go online and arrange a car-share, get used to commuting on the train like other people have to. Your friend is offloading her guilt at leaving the car-sharee in the lurch.

Car-sharing shouldn't significantly inconvenience you: this would.

Maybe her previous driver car sharer is leaving because of her. She could be awful, or smelly, or talk about her sex life all the time..

I would be tempted to not give a reason/excuse as she could think of a way around it. Just reply to her email and say I am unable to take you to work but here is a website for car sharing

Absolutely agree with all the other posts.

YANBU and you do not have to justify your actions.

This woman took this job in the full knowledge she had no transport and that is not your problem.

Do not feel guilty.

God knows decorhate - presume she used to get the train, or perhaps she used to have a car and doesn't now.

Thanks everyone - I spoke to another colleague and she was all for it, saying it would save me £100 a month on fuel (I don't care abiut this really, I budget for my diesel costs so although it would be a bonus, it will be far outweigehd by the inconvenience of giving her a lift).

Will she have to give up her job if you don't give her a lift?

How did she manage on days when her current lift is sick or on holiday?

I would say YANBU at all. She is not your problem.

I hate giving people lifts for all the reasons you've outlined. And mostly because they just talk too much!! I cannot stand inane jabbering when I want to listen to MY fav radio stations or play very loud music and sing along!

YANBU in the slightest!

Explain that due to your working hours (which are always subject to change ) it is sadly not feasible to car share with her.

Don't feel bad

I don't know how she phrased it, but your account of her offer sounds a bit presumptuous! I wouldn't go to someone and offer them £25 for driving me over 75 miles! Surely it'd have been common courtesy to ask you what you thought and leave money out of it at first! I mean, the train would surely be far more expensive than that?