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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to car share? Long, sorry.

121 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 09:25

Yes, I probably am but I will give it a try anyway.

I commute from Gloucester to Bristol every day, round trip of about 75 miles. A colleague in another department also lives in Gloycester, he gives a woman a lift every day. He is now leaving and, as the woman as no transport, he has mentioned in passing that I live in Gloucester and I might be able to give her a lift. I don't know this woman at all, she works in a different building from me.

Now she has emailed me and said can she start getting a lift from Feb onwards. She has offered £25 a week, which is what she currently gives my friend.

I don't want to do this. I know it seems unfair but please hear me out:

-I live nearer the motorway than she does, if I pick her up from her house (which I am presuming is the arrangement) it means doubling back on myself and then getting on the motorway at one junction further back from Bristol than my normal one.
-We work flexi time - I can go into work any time from 6 til 9 and leave any time as long as I have done my allocated hours. I do tend to do overtime as wll. I really don't want to feel I am making someone hang around waiting for me, equally I don't want to hang around waiting for someone else. I don't know her typical working pattern.

Oh and to be perfectly honest I really want some time on my own - my commute is a time when I either sit in silence thinking throuh the day, or use it to call my family, all of whom live miles away. I don't want to share my time with a stranger.

Am I being selfish? And even if I am not, how do I say no without sounding like a cow?

OP posts:
clam · 19/12/2009 16:37

And it's not a good idea to start going into reasons. You don't owe her any explanation anyway, but also, it gives rise to the possibility of her trying to negotiate. And then the danger is you'll end up saying "oh, alright then," and being furious with yourself.

shushpenfold · 19/12/2009 16:39

Gosh - SO NBU. It would drive me potty (no pun intended!) to share. Give no reasons, just say what has been very sensibly suggested already.

PrincessToadstool · 19/12/2009 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jabberwocky · 19/12/2009 17:55

Marking thread to see email response.

btw YANBU

juneybean · 19/12/2009 18:39

Bump lol

Theresalwaysroomforpudding · 21/12/2009 13:33

Hiya, was following this with interest, YANBU at all. It's definitely a hassle you do not need!
Did you get any response to your email?

Poledra · 21/12/2009 13:41

C'mon, GetOrf, what did she say?

BTW, YANBU - Christ, I get pissed off enough that I take DH into work in the morning now, never mind some total stranger .

lou031205 · 21/12/2009 13:50

?

WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2009 14:00

YANBU.

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 21/12/2009 14:00

I want to know what happened! Please tell us! BUMP!

jabberwocky · 21/12/2009 14:11

.

TinselianAstra · 21/12/2009 14:14

Your time and peace are worth much more than £25 a week, and it's not your responsibility to ger her to work.

choosyfloosy · 21/12/2009 14:18

LOL at 'emailing at 1.59 and belting out of the door'.

To be fair to your friend, she's probably been guilt-tripping him twice a day for 30 mins each time about this. This is the sort of thing that makes people leave perfectly good jobs - she's a stressball already and you haven't even given her ONE lift! Avoid, avoid.

overweightnoverdrawn · 21/12/2009 14:48

Ok Im putting my dot here so I can get the update easily . Feel free to do likewise lol
.

warthog · 21/12/2009 14:50

i'm dying to know too!!

Chynah · 21/12/2009 15:08

Me too!

expatinscotland · 21/12/2009 15:18

I would have stuck with ChippinIn's response and left it at that.

Sorry, not possible. Best, x.

Her transport issues aren't your problem.

expatinscotland · 21/12/2009 15:23

and i'd cc the colleague.

don't provide sites about carsharing or any of that, either.

it's her problem to sort her own transport out.

she's got till feb. that's plenty of time.

Numberfour · 21/12/2009 15:29

?

HarrietTheSpy · 21/12/2009 16:23

TUBBY was right. Let your friend explain, it's his cock up!!

AuntieMaggie · 21/12/2009 16:34

YANBU

Yes great for the environment etc but plays havoc with any kind of routine unless they coincidentally live the same life as you.

liftshare is another website.

So what happened when you emailed her?

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/12/2009 00:14

Shit, sorry everyone, I have been ill and so not at work today, so don't know what the respionse is.

Will let you know what her response is when I get back to work (hopefully tmorrow, but severe weather warning si may not make it in yet!).

Thansk everyone for great responses. Is nice to know that I am not a selfish cow.

OP posts:
BitOfFunderthemistletoe · 22/12/2009 02:19

I've only just seen this, and cannot buck the trend- YANBU, and I hope you post again with her response!

amazonaddict · 22/12/2009 03:54

YANBU

I love my private time in the car. Wouldn't give it up for anyone.

giraffespullthesleigh · 22/12/2009 04:55

YANBU, as a non driver its lovely to get offered an unexpected lift but I would never expect someone else to be in charge of my travel. Plus I would hate to have to rely on someone else. I like sitting on bus/train with headphoned and zoning out. ANd when I learn to drive will be the same I think.

Let us know what she says

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