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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think being able to drive is KEY skill for a woman ( particularly)

542 replies

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 08:49

or not

OP posts:
ThumbleBells · 17/12/2009 13:32

I know quite a few people who, for whatever reason, can't or don't drive. They manage fine. They do not look like nincompoops. At least 2 of them are single so have no other person to rely on.

I don't think it is a necessary skill, but it is useful.

So - after whittering - OP, YABU.

ButterPie · 17/12/2009 13:53

My ILs are baffled at me using pt and keep practically forcing us to have lifts!

edam · 17/12/2009 14:16

Princess - automatic wouldn't help as I'm fine with changing gears (although coming down from fifth makes me anxious I do actually get it right every time). Although maybe automatic would mean I wouldn't have to think about gears and would have more headspace for everything else?

My instructor gave me a look and said it was odd how I could have a problem with X one lesson (e.g. spent one lesson fluffing all my left turns - not right, strangely!) then do that perfectly the next lesson without even thinking about it but develop a new problem!

Original poster
FolornHope · 17/12/2009 14:17

oh you ol attnetion seeker oyu

OP posts:
gelinkrol · 17/12/2009 14:19

I hate that - when I say I'll be arriving somewhere by bus or train and no one can quite believe it and they start practically insisting on giving me a lift. It's kind of them, but awkward at the same time because a) I'm not in a position to return the favour and b) I don't want to end up in someone's smug anecdote about 'people that don't drive and are always relying on lifts from other people'.

gelinkrol · 17/12/2009 14:21

PS I can drive, just don't have a car.

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 14:24

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UndomesticHousewife · 17/12/2009 14:24

I had driving lessons when i was 19 and I hated it, I couldn't afford a car anyway so I gave it up and was quite happy to not drive. I lived in London anyway so I never needed a car.

But when i got pregnant I made myself learn to drive and it was the best thing I ever did. I suppose I could and would have managed without a car but I'm glad that I don't have to.

My mum didn't drive when I was little and I remember having to get on the bus with her dragging her wheely trolley behind her to get the shopping, I hated it. She learnt to drive when I was 13 or 14 and it was great, for her too as she was reliant on my dad whenever she needed to go shopping etc.

Most people who cannot drive manage perfectly well without a car - it's not an option as they can't drive and so they probably don't even think about it.
But I bet if they learnt to drive and got a car, they would wonder how on earth they mamnged without one!!

2babyblues · 17/12/2009 14:29

YABU - it's a personal choice not a life skill.

I got my licence at 18 and then never drove until this year when I got my first car!!! I do like driving in that I can get around more easily. But on the other hand where I live is so busy that I tend to avoid busy times as I am not good at parking! Also, I am terrified of having an accident and limit myself to necessary routes that I know well. I suppose I will get more adventurous in the future.

I hate the way people treat you like you are second class citizen when you don't drive. Why is it anyone else's business. I used to hate it when people didn't invite me along to things as they thought I wouldn't be able to get there! (when it was usually somewhere where I could get a bus/train to anyway!).

ILaunchedTigersSausageRocket · 17/12/2009 14:31

It is key to me and I will encourage DD to get her licence as soon as she is old enough too.

DS1 is 18 in May and hasn't bothered yet but he is a lazy bugger and driving will mean commiting to somehitng and possibly failure so he prefers not to even try . DS2, oTOH, is 16 and has a moped (on L plates, has passed his CBT) and is very keen to get learning to drive a car or motorbike (or both) as soon as he turns 17.

gelinkrol · 17/12/2009 14:32

Which tells you something about how owning a car screws up your perception of what can be done without it, doesn't it?

If I had a car I'm sure I would use it constantly - but I know I'd also be constantly telling myself that I really must cut down and not use it for short trips, oh just this once, we're so short of time, I'll definitely walk tomorrow...

Someone earlier in the thread talked about spending £4000 on a car - how many 'expensive taxi rides' that cardrivers think aren't an acceptable alternative to owning a car can you buy with that? Hundreds!

ILaunchedTigersSausageRocket · 17/12/2009 14:33

old enough to, not too

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 14:35

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edam · 17/12/2009 14:44

Folornhope - busted!

Walking and using public transport is v. good for you. I went up two dress sizes when I stopped travelling to work on the train, with a 20 minute walk each side (so 1hr 20 min a day).

UndomesticHousewife · 17/12/2009 14:49

I agree that using public transport and taxis must be cheaper than buying and then running a car, but what about time? It takes much longer to get around or go places on PT than it would jumping in the car, even in places like London which has good PT system.

I haven't got a lot of free time so I certainly don't want to use it up standing at a bus stop.

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 15:07

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pigletmania · 17/12/2009 15:12

YABU its good to have but not essential really. If i need to go anywhere i can ask my husband or get a bus.

ABetaDad · 17/12/2009 15:21

Always heartened to read how so many people feel their life is still complete EVEN without a car.

I am no lentil weaving environmentalist but frankly cannot understand the obssession so many people have with the car. Having lived in London and then cities outside London but deliberately and carefully choosing to live on a bus route and within striking range of a taxi and train I have never felt any great loss not owning a car. In fact we save a shed load of cash and have a lot less stress as DW cannot drive either.

FolornHope - sorry I was winding you up.

Its just that I noticed someone the other day saying they would never go out with a bloke who did not have a car. Just wondered if a bloke with car attached at the hip was a universally recognised virility enhancer?

Janos · 17/12/2009 15:22

PT generally quicker or not significantly slower than driving here in Edinburgh too.

It is baffling to me that not wanting to learn to drive is regarded as some sort of dreadful character flaw. It really isn't - it's just a different choice!

You may as well post 'AIBU to think people who drive are all fat lazy sods who can't be arsed to walk and have a massive hissy fit at the mildest inconvenience' (NB not MO - trying to make a point!)

hollyroger · 17/12/2009 15:28

I can't drivbe. Well, I CAN, I just haven't tken a test. I have a phobia. huge.

I don't rely on anyone else to get me around though,

But it does impact on my life, and even though I couldn't actually afford a car, I do feel less of a person sometimes. Mainly because other people make patronising comments.

mrsshackleton · 17/12/2009 15:29

I can drive but never do

I am very eco [halo emoticon] and dislike this emphasis on driving being the key to life.

Having said that, again, am a Londoner, and probably 80 per cent of the time it's quicker and cheaper to use PT than drive. Plus you can do other things on PT like read, I hate, hate, time wasted at the wheel in traffic jams

If pt really isn't an option I do rely shamelessly on dh . If circs changed for whatever reason I would reluctantly get behind the wheel

UndomesticHousewife · 17/12/2009 15:53

I didn't live in central London and wouldn't have driven there anyway, but even in NW London the traffic was bad but it was still quicker to get around in a car than to use PT.
I went back there recently and from my sisters house it took 2 hours on 2 buses to get to where we wanted to go, door to door. But when she drove it only took 45 minutes.

Now where I live I just wouldn't be without a car, I think there's 1 bus every month here.

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 16:02

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staranise · 17/12/2009 16:13

YABU, I can drive but normally choose not to - I live in central London and have always lived in cities so walk/use public transport virtually everywhere. Parking is v difficult where we live so PT is often quicker anyway because it can take ages to find a parking space.

TBH, I would never choose to live somewhere where I would be dependent on a car for getting about. I hate getting 3 small DCs in and out of the car and really really hate trying to concentrate on driving while listening to the 3 DCs chat/bicker/scrap in the back.

Do people really think that non-drivers are being feeble? Loads of my friends choose not to drive though maybe that says more about the state of traffic in London than driving in general...

Original poster
FolornHope · 17/12/2009 16:15

abeta you know me too well!!

htink the londoners/large city dwellers on here are a bit head in sand. i dont need to where i live so i wont bother

OP posts: