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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think being able to drive is KEY skill for a woman ( particularly)

542 replies

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 08:49

or not

OP posts:
EdgarAleNPie · 19/12/2009 13:07

hmm.. a theme seems to be dveloping here.

someone says - i have ordered my life in ways X, Y and Z so i don't need a car...which to my mind means there were also choices A B and C they could have gone for if they drove - the job only (seriously) open to drivers, the house in an out of the way spot - the leisure trip easy with a car but a bloody nightmare without ....

people believe non-drivers get others to ferry about, because they know non drivers who get others to ferry them around...my uncle and aunt were ferried around by their daughter after she passed her test....my BIL got my sister to drive evey time they needed to move house...perhaps not true of you - but true of every non-driver i know IRL!

and there was never anything more anoying than being told i didn't need my car by eco-entalist ex-students resident 20 minutes walk from their place of work who claimed they didn't have cars on principle (evidently, they just didn't need them) - no doubt most of them now own cars unless they still live in town. particularly annoying when they took the bus to work to avoid said 20 minute walk.

Incidentally, car drivers are, on average thinner than non-drivers, though that is most probably due to linked socio-economic factors.

although you say taking a bus with small kids is not impossible, it is far from fun...taking two kids in enormous pushchair...load kids - walk to bus stop, unload them (small into sling, large on pavement) fold enormous pushchair (actually impossible with 2nd seat attached) with larger child milling listlessly at the roadside. get pushchair and child onto bus - pay driver (with third hand!) ....find place to put child & pushchair (with 2nd seat attachment in hand as well) -repeat procedure at other end. Return journey bearing shopping even more difficult....

This is why i prefer to walk into town, or if it is not walkable, car then walk.
Once you have bought the car, the cost of using it is generally comparable to public transport.

And it is all very well to go on about publictransport, but the problem is it never goes where you want to go - there is no bus from my house to my mums, or from my house to my work via my mums (which would be ideal, but would actually loop back on itself) - had here been a bus provided from home to the work place i first bought a car for, I'd have been the only person on it!

And don't get me started on how you used to be able to use small local shops - because no-one loves Supermarkets more than my Mum, who looks back on the days of lumping 4 kids round small, expensive shops with a rubbish range of products (no curry paste!) and getting gossiped about by the biddies on the till before she was even out of the shop with abject horror.

FolornHope · 19/12/2009 13:08

i liek walking a lot. I wouldnt say the two are excluisive.

i just think its liberating to be able to drive when you need to and you dont ALWAYS know when that will be

OP posts:
blueshoes · 19/12/2009 13:17

MillyR, for all my support of driving, I am actually a public transport by default person. I am glad not to move out of London into a driving suburb because I enjoy walking around my locality in a buggy with my dcs, dcs riding a bike to the park. Got a rail season ticket and Oyster card.

I just sincerely believe that in many cases, it would be crazy to take a bus, cycle, do multiple changes with young children and heavy shopping in tow, when you could drive.

MillyR · 19/12/2009 13:18

Edgar, I am that person that you so dislike as one of the main reasons that I do not drive is for environmental reasons.

Yet I do live in a rural area and there is only 1 bus an hour to the train station, I do have 2 children, I do have a full time job in a city that I have to commute to, I do shop at local shops with my children, I do voluntary work as well, my children to go to out of school activities, I do keep animals and grow some of my own food, my family do live a long distance away and my DH is disabled.

You can have it all and not drive.

You are making a lot of presumptions about the lifestyles of people who cannot drive, which many people on this thread have pointed out are simply not true.

EdgarAleNPie · 19/12/2009 13:26

i met an awful lot of people like that...Brighton creates them! and i said i found them annoying, rather different from dislike....

FrankCross · 19/12/2009 13:27

"someone says - i have ordered my life in ways X, Y and Z so i don't need a car"

No, not at all.

For some of us we have ordered our lives in ways X, Y and Z because we cannot afford to purchase/run/maintain a car.

That is what is most irritating about this argument.

It's fine for some of you to bleat on about how limiting it must be to not drive, but it's not a lifestyle choice for all. It would be great to have driving as another option, but I don't, and we manage to get by without asking for lifts etc.

pigletmania · 19/12/2009 13:31

Even if i could drive, i would not have a car as my dh needs it and we cant afford to run another car.

sarah293 · 19/12/2009 13:39

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sarah293 · 19/12/2009 13:44

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nannynobnobs · 19/12/2009 13:50

I am 30 next month and don't drive. I do intend to learn though, purely so DH and I can take turns driving on holidays, family trips etc. I wouldn't be buying a second family car.
I have not suffered through not driving apart from one job when I was 19 being 15 miles away (but the bosses were arseholes anyway so I quit rather than be shouted at every other day). DH has the car during the day anyway, so I wouldn't have more freedom to travel.

sarah293 · 19/12/2009 14:00

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sarah293 · 19/12/2009 14:02

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FolornHope · 19/12/2009 14:16

but there have been a few previously non drivers who have learned and now say they LOVE it

OP posts:
noddyholder · 19/12/2009 14:20

No one ever ferries me around.For anything major dp drives but mostly i walk or take buses and cabs.Have always lived within 5 mins of school and have a small selection of yummy mummy type bars and shops at the top of the road if I need anything.i think to live further out or if you have a career that involves travel you need it.Most of my friends have a car in the family but none of us drive anywhere but Brighton is small.

FolornHope · 19/12/2009 14:22

nod the plod
how are the jeans?
wot no feedback?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 19/12/2009 14:34

Forlorn, about non-drivers saying they love driving once they can, now I can identify with that.

When I first moved to central London, I did not drive for years. But since I have taken it up again having moved out of central London and with dcs, I now realise how much I missed and how fabulous it is to do the schoolrun (which is walkable) in a car and cart my weekly shop home in the boot.

blueshoes · 19/12/2009 14:39

Also, love the fact that I have the car to pick other children and ferry them around for playdates with dd. For mothers who don't drive, I offer to pick up and drop off their dcs even though I am the one hosting the playdate. Don't see these mothers jumping to refuse my offer though, if getting around on foot/public transport were as easy as claimed on this thread. They have invariably been happy to accept.

SuiGeneris · 19/12/2009 15:00

YABU. It is a choice one makes but it is perfectly possible to live without driving. I have had a licence since I was 18 and have got by ever since without driving, other than when I have been made to by people who think it is an essential skill. There are public transport, taxis and grocery delivery companies and doing the numbers it is often cheaper to use those than to own a car.
Of course many people prefer to drive-good for them- but I have had enough of being treated like a halfwit by many drivers ( not necessarily the OP) because I choose not to. I just choose to use other more important life skills (such as being fluent in a number of other languages) to avoid doing something I do not enjoy (driving, cleaning the house).

noddyholder · 19/12/2009 15:03

Forlorn they are great perfect fit.Will do feedback today!

lockets · 19/12/2009 15:07

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FolornHope · 19/12/2009 15:10

oh yes
now abeta tried to make me bite there lockets... to no avail - once bitten arf

OP posts:
minxofmancunia · 19/12/2009 15:24

yanbu it's a key life skill for any adult, even if you don't drive much or have a car at the present time.

I've got friends who live in London, they don't drive regularly but still hire cars/need to drive sometimes.

I live in manchester, public transport okish and because of all the amenities where I live I don't drive much (e.g. never into town/always on bus/train) but I'd never be without my car. Life would be very limited without it and tbh I just don't have the time to faff on public transport. i.e. nursery drop off then to work takes 20 mins, on buses would take an hour+ at least. Whi in their right mind would make their morning even more hectic by not driving?

MiL doesn't drive and it causes her, us and BiL loads of hassle. Her es dh drove her about everywhere and even after they split up she never bothered learning, just lazy imho (waits to be flamed).

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 19/12/2009 15:37

I just bought a 6ft Christmas tree home - without a car

admittedly I got some strange looks with a 6ft Christmas tree over one shoulder, a 60x40cm clip frame under the other arm and 3 huge bags in the hand of that arm

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 19/12/2009 15:41

walks to the town with the pushchair are also quite useful to time around nap times

and riven - your comment about trying to find parking is sooooooo true.

blueshoes · 19/12/2009 16:25

Awa, I also do the trick of timing outings in the buggy with naptime . But I also have the option, if going longer distances, to time naptime with drivetime.

As for difficulty finding parking, that is a good enough reason for me not to drive. It is only a 20 minute walk to my (often traffic congested) town centre, which I frequently do with dcs on bike/foot.

So I don't live that differently, just because I can drive.

You are loathe to admit it, it is obvious to me that there are a lot of situations whereby driving is just the natural no-brainer choice, like purchasing a large christmas tree.

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