to think being able to drive is KEY skill for a woman ( particularly)

[FolornHope]

or not

I don't drive and have never noticed any difference in my life and others.Have no desire now and am not allowed for health reasons.I had a few lessons as a teenager but no real interest.I think for some people its essential but not me

I don't drive.

I consider myself to be very independant.

I'm a single mother and don't have a husband or boyfriend to drive me around, not that I would expect them to anyway.

Somehow, I realise this must be difficult to comprehend for some people, I manage to get look after myself and my DS (aged 5), work full time hours, run a household and have a social life.

ALL BY MYSELF!!! WITHOUT DRIVING!!

Yes, believe it or not I can do all of this WITHOUT A CAR!!

Now I am not having a crack at people who drive here, just asking - please can we cut out the assumption from some corners that non drivers are fearful, timid milksops who expect to be ferried around because they can't cope otherwise.

Yanbu

I couldn't stand the constant reliance on others- be it taxi drivers, helpful friends, useless bus or train providers. Being unable to drive leaves you completely at their mercy, and their reliability or otherwise.
Dd would definitely missed out on tons of stuff if I hadn't been able to drive.

my DS's haven't missed out on anything just because I can't drive.

And DH will attest that you're still "relying" on something working properly when you have a car. If it doesn't start, or it needs to go into the garage, or it breaks down, or you don't have the money "this" month for the MOT........

And when I lived in Zim people were relying on finding a petrol station that had fuel - the "public transport" all got first dabs at it so private motorists had to hope they could still get it

So, non drivers do "rely" on trains, buses etc. But drivers don't "rely" on cars.

They don't cost anything to maintain, never need servicing, need to be insured, taxed, need to be topped up with fuel or break down.

And if the car breaks down then they certainly don't "rely" on breakdown services or friends/family to come and help them out.

It's different.

Oh and if we don't drive our kids are missing out!

Day to day I get around fine without driving and never ask people for lifts. Actually I dread people offering me a lift because it just seems so much more hassle, you have to wait for them to turn up, put carseats into car, strap children into carseats, get there, drive around for 5 minutes looking for somewhere to park and oh, ds is asleep so I have to try to get him out of seat without waking him. If I walk or use public transport I can strap ds into buggy, set off when I want, maybe have to run for bus or chat to old dears for 5 mins while waiting but hey, that's good for the dc's social skills and if ds is asleep the it really doesn't matter because he can just stay where he is.

OTOH certain things would be easier if I could drive and I think I will learn ready to go back to work because so many jobs seem to require a license these days. Also if the dc do after school activities etc it will be more pleasant with a car (although entirely possible without). I just need to get past the block I have that makes me freeze behind the wheel of a car.

Janos - I'm sat here desperately trying to think what my DS's have missed out on due to me not driving. I can think of a few things they've missed out on because of a lack of money, or because of some of the issue of being a single parent to 3 young children, but I'll be damned if I can think of anything that was as a result of me not driving

Janos - I could have written your post of 22.16 as am also a non-driving, FT working single parent! Am also far more independent than the majority of my (driving) friends.

Now, I would actually like to learn one day. Maybe I will when I have more time and money. I agree it's a useful skill.

But really, some of the attitudes displayed here are just utterly baffling. The general subtext seems to be "How dare you not be able to drive!!"

I would ask again why a personal choice which is causing no harm to anybody seems to exercise people so much.

Janos- I didn't say your dc are missing out, I said my dc would.
For example, dd is in a pantomime atm, and needs to be dropped off at the theatre in the city at 1.30, picked up again at 4.30, returned at 6, and finally collected at 10pm. Impossible without a car or a helpful driver friend/relative.

And of course I rely on my car, but it lets me down far less than public transport did.

Fair point (great name btw). It's late and I'm feeling a little bit tetchy.

Must be all the money I spend on bus fares

MoreCrack - as a single parent last year (driving or not) that schedule would have been impossible for me. So yes that would have been something my older DS's would have missed out on.

Janos- I did take the bus today, and was at the cost. £2.50 for a 5 mile trip! Wtf?

ach you know what MoreCrack - I think most kids miss out on something for some reason - whether it's lack of car, lack of funds, lack of childcare (for siblings), even silly times for things (ie the football club that runs every half term, even if I could afford it and could drive the older 2 couldn't both go as I would have to get them to opposite sides of town for exactly the same time >>>

Just like us adults often miss out on stuff for a multitude of reason thats just the way the cookie crumbles (IMO).

I just don't think my kids are missing out on things any more than any other "normal" child because of the fact I don't drive (obviously children of the super rich with 100 staff to run them here there and everywhere and the £££££££££££££££££'s to go with it are excluded from the above )

Always looking, I totally understand that some factors can prevent people from driving, money being the obvious, but I still think that if you have the funds/time/ability to do it, it's essential.

I didn't learn til I was 27, through fear/laziness/being stubborn (dh insisted I had to do it). None of which are good enough reasons not to, imo.

Obviously my dd misses out on various things for a variety of reasons, but they are difficulties which I cannot reasonably overcome. Learning to drive was entirely possible for me at that time

no no no you misunderstand my last post.

They can all be factors (separately) that stop things happening

Money
No car
Single parenthood
(stupid timings for events run by the same company)

You have to be incredibly lucky (aka the stinky rich ) to not have your children miss out on something for some reason - and I just don't see that lack of driving has had ANY impact on my children at all.

If I could drive now and had a car there are things my children couldn't do because of cost.

Last year if I could have driven, I wasn't too badly off, but being single would have prevented them doing stuff.

The football (which thankfully they're not into) they could do even if we had the money and a car.

Driving just isn't an essential to me, never has been and tbh (rapidly heading towards 31 with 3 children one approaching double figures) I can't see it ever becoming an essential.

you wouldn't want me on the road i speed up when i panic (which is a lot) and am extremely vague on occassions...like remembering which side of the road to drive on... i actually have a driving licence which my mum pushed me to get, but do not have the urge to drive at all. especially as i live close to a train station, a large town centre, bus station as well as an A&E. dh drives and as he is scared of heights we compromise. you don't need to be able to drive to feel liberated. i travelled for 8 years without my own transport and never had a problem. i do not consider driving a life skill, but rather a personal choice

MIL can drive but stopped driving due to lack of confidence age 50. Both she and FIL like this arrangement because she is more dependent on him which they both like . Not driving gets her out of lots of things she doesn't want to do so is a great excuse. I find it a pita although clearly she is helping the environment so at least that is a good thing. She struggled when fil was in hospital for a while, and if she were to be widowed or develop trouble with mobility it would restrict her. Generally it makes her more helpless and dependent and generally she likes that just fine. Dh's sis doesn't drive either but she does cadge a lot of lifts which is tiresome.

Not driving limits your life choices without a doubt. You. Don't really have the option of living in a rural location or of taking certain jobs and mobility probs in old age. Could really limit your independence.
I think for some it is a way not to grow up and to stay childishly dependent on others, this is how dh's family are.

"If you don't drive, you limit where you can live and who you can visit. Of course you can still have a full and busy life, but you are putting limitations on yourself."

Some of us would actually like to see more people putting more limitations on themselves. Because if the entire population of the planet are going to grow up thinking there are no limitations, then I think it's going to be a pretty limited life for the planet.

Could we be seeing on a small scale why Copenhagen is failing?

Mil doesn't drive and she finds it horrendously restrictive. They live in an area where she has a bus come once an hour that goes to the shops and it's unreliable and doesn't always run. The taxis are v expensive. She is isolated by not being able to drive.

We survived without a car in London for ages with no problem at all but I still liked the fact that I could drive. I don't think this thread is necessarily about having a car but more about having the ability to drive.

Also, although London's public transport is great, for months at a time on the weekends, they close lines down for maintenance. As someone else said, being able to drive is about having options - it gives you the option to hire a car or drive your own (if you have a car). And choice, when it comes to transport, is empowering.