Page 11 | to think being able to drive is KEY skill for a woman ( particularly)

hazeyjane · 17/12/2009 17:02

Well, I have had hundreds of lessons, paid £1000s,and failed 3 tests, and just don't think i have it in me to drive, I have panic attacks during the test and feel i wouldn't be safe. So I will just have to have lifts, use public transport, walk, cycle, use taxis and generally get by, like i have always done (can that count as a life skill too?!)

Morloth · 17/12/2009 17:02

ooooh but doesn't the taxi home feel like a treat? I seriously need to get out more...

hollyroger · 17/12/2009 17:06

hazey - I hear ya sister, that's what I mean about my phobia. I cannot get over the fact that 1 split second of inattention (of which I have many...being a bit dreamy) could result in horrible carnage for me, my family and other people
I hontestly feel that some people are just not cut out for it.

Though I did pass a motorbike test before children. And have driven a tractor!

MillyR · 17/12/2009 17:06

Hazeyjane, I always mean to say that I love your username, and wish it was mine.

Did you choose it because of the Nick Drake song?

It always makes me feel warm towards you, regardless of disgreement or agreement with whatever you happen to be posting about.

hollyroger · 17/12/2009 17:10

me too actually!

CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego · 17/12/2009 17:11

'no you don't - you THINK that's what happens to us non-drivers because you just can't quite believe that we can lead full (and happy) lives without a car and get to places "off" the main public transport routes with a car."

Ok. What is this magic transportation that will get you places more than a few miles from your home/bus/train station that isn't public transportation or someone else's car?

hazeyjane · 17/12/2009 17:13

Thankyou MillyR, yes it is, I was listening to Nick Drake on a loop when I joined Mumsnet!

Hollyroger - I've driven a tractor too!

The fear of accidents is ever present in my mind when i drive, so I can't ever imagine getting any pleasure from it.

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 17:13

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Awassailinglookingforanswers · 17/12/2009 17:17

indeed Riven (but then you could argue that train was someone elses train and a bus someone else's too ) - later I will finish doing the details of my (hypothetical) family week in Tayvallich as it was mentioned earlier in the thread) - all done on public transport/bike. (and I should add it's 450 miles from here)

I would have finished it now - but DH has just announced that he's going to Thailand for a week in May (a friend has invited him as his dad lives out - all he has to pay for is flights apparently) and it kind of took the wind out of my sail a little.

TheOldestCat · 17/12/2009 17:19

Not a key skill, but definitely a useful one.

We used the old 'no point in DH learning to drive as we're in London'. Until we moved to a rural town. Suddenly a home birth for DC2 in February seemed very attractive (it's at least half an hour's drive to either of the nearest hospitals and there are about two taxis in our town).

I worry what will happen if DD has one of her severe croup attacks and I can't drive her to A&E since I'll have a newborn or be unable to drive following a C-section. An ambulance, I suppose.

Janos · 17/12/2009 17:20

If you can get to a train or bus station then generally you can get to quite a few places from there on, say, the bus or the train. That's kind of the point.

CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego · 17/12/2009 17:20

I know when I lived in the Channel Islands and in Yorkshire that I'd have really struggled to get to other people's houses. In Guernsey, public transport was practically non-existant (crappy, unreliable bus service) and taxis very expensive. In Yorkshire, my friends often lived 20+ miles away in obscure villages. Not somewhere I could ride to with my kids in tow.

Here in California, getting anywhere without a car from my house is pretty much impossible (although there is a tram service if you live close by).

If you don't drive, you limit where you can live and who you can visit. Of course you can still have a full and busy life, but you are putting limitations on yourself.

Janos · 17/12/2009 17:27

Or as Riven says, bike or taxi.

I do get the impression from this thread that some people who drive seem to be annoyed by those of us who don't and manage perfectly well, no idea why.

CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego · 17/12/2009 17:41

I know I would be very frustrated without a car and I've known a few people who couldn't drive for medical reasons and they were all frustrated by it in one way or another (and they all rely on their partner to cart them round or cadge lifts all the time). It /is/ annoying if you willfully put yourself in a position where you rely on other people. (Not annoyed with my friends obviously - vision/epilepsy issues are not their fault, although one in the US has a husband who refuses to drive and she begs lifts from her friends ALL the time, putting a lot of people out).

It's like living in a foreign country and not speaking the language. You can get by, but you might annoy people with your inflexibility and you'll make life more difficult for yourself than it needs to be.

It took me forever to learn to drive but I'm glad I did. My life has been a lot better since.

ABetaDad · 17/12/2009 17:44

Janos - exactly the impressIon I get in real life. Its almost as if I am attacking a fundamental religious belief when I tell people I don't drive.

End up having to explain myself and how I live my life etc.

mrsshackleton · 17/12/2009 17:46

I never tell people unless it's ABSOLUTELY relevant to the discussion

This happens about twice a year, max

Not worth the aggro imo

sarah293 · 17/12/2009 17:53

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hollyroger · 17/12/2009 17:57

I love it when people assume I have been BANNED from driving due to drink/drugs/whatever when I say ''I can't drive''

Is that REALLY more likely a scenario than I really cannot drive?

CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego · 17/12/2009 18:12

I already answered that, Riven. It's one thing to not be able to do something. It's another to choose not to do it.

But if you choose a lifestyle that involves not driving and you make your life work around that by living somewhere convenient, having friends in walking distance etc., then great, your choice. More power to you.

If you choose a lifestyle that involves not driving and then you continually harass your friends for lifts and miss appointments, then yes, that's annoying.

LollipopViolet · 17/12/2009 18:13

I really dislike this "everyone should drive" sort of thing some people have (not all, just some).

I can't. I'm visually impaired and can't see well enough so you should be grateful I'm not let loose on the roads!

I won't cycle though due to limited peripheral vision and cars and bikes generally not mixing so well...

So buses and trains it will be for me, forever.

sparklefrog · 17/12/2009 18:14

muggglewump I can't imagine ever wanting to take my DC on a bus for the fun of it.

My DS uses buses regularly, and travelled to secondary school on a bus every day, and I don't think he ever thought it was fun.

My DD has never been on a bus, but she can take the bus to secondary every day too, just as I did.
I'm sure if she does happen to find it fun, that feeling wont last long.

I also don't really mind if there are no P&T parking spaces at the supermarket. I prefer them, yes, but I'm not bothered if they're all taken.

I don't think I'm a lazy person either. If my destination was within walking distance, I'd rather walk than get on a bus tbh.

sparklefrog · 17/12/2009 18:19

If you don't want to drive, I'm ok with that.

If you want to drive, I'm ok with that too.

If you have a car, that's ok too.

If you rely on PT, that's also ok.

Lots of people seem to manage very well without having to drive, some don't.

Live and let live.

fluffles · 17/12/2009 18:19

depends where you live. i can drive but we're only allowed one on-street parking permit and DP has to take the car for work so i never have the use of a car and i have never suffered.

in fact, before i met DP i never owned a car. i only ever drove for my lessons/test then very occassionally to share with a friend on a long journey or in a holiday rental. very rarely. it's been useful (about five times in the past ten years) but certainly not essential.

fluffles · 17/12/2009 18:23

and if you don't drive then you don't live in a place without good PT links or the ability to cycle/walk everywhere.

you just DON'T move to a place 4miles down a dark alley from the nearest train. or where you can't get to nursery/school or work.

lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 17/12/2009 18:24

another non-driver here. in fact dh cant drive either. instead we walk everywhere, catch buses (ds never gets bored of them) or trains (ditto) we only get a taxi if we have to. there are many reasons we dont drive
a) cant afford it
b) never really needed to
c)dont see the point in putting at least one more car on the road when we dont need to
d) we like walking/catching PT etc

tbh, ive found that drivers tend to be late more often than us. using PT teaches you that if you arent where you should be at the right time then you are screwed. i am never late for anything and find it annoying when those who drive are!