to think that a child with SEN should not be exempt from some attempt at behaviour control.

[NaccetyMac]

Today at a fete, a small child took a toy from my DS1 and was playing with it. I told him (pleasantly) that it was DS1's toy and asked for it back. His mother turned around from her (clearly very important) convo to at me and say "he's disabled, he don't understand." And make no attempt to take the toy from the child.
So I explained to him again that it was not his toy, found him another toy to replace it with, gave it to him and took DS1's toy away out of sight. Mother turns around and says (again) "HE'S DISABLED, HE DON'T UNDERSTAND."

OK. SO get off your bum, stop ignorning him and HELP him to understand.

Really angers me, that some people appear to think that an additional need gives them carte blanche to ignore behaviour and totally fail to apply boundaries!

Not read all thread, but just to say my brother is autistic(he is in his late 30's now)and my parents let him get away with murder.I think it's due to the fact they are getting older as I don't remember them doing it when he was younger.
When we go to visit him(he is in residential care)whatever he asks for they say yes incase he has a tantrum. I tend to say no to some things usually when he wants my beer in the pub when we take him out for a meal.But my parents say"let him have it"and it drives me mad. When I say "no it's mine"he seems to accept it.But they don't want to upset him in case he causes a scene.

Why don't you just get him a beer of his own?

saintlydame This is what I worry about. DS is agressive and I hope he will get better in time but there is also the worry there that he will only get worse as he gets bigger and stronger.

"ha ha, I'd give Bruce Willis 5 minutes if he tried to come between ds1 and a microwave grin"

saintlydamemrsturnip thank you.
It's the end of term for me, my class are ODing on sugar, excitement and tiredness and my 14 year old Aspie finds the last week the hardest to cope with, so I'm braced for the email/phonecall.
But you started my day with a good giggle!

And pagwatch

'I think there are millions of folk out there who are the special needs versions of back seat drivers.'
Not a giggle, but oh so true.

Bother. he's 15 and a microwave can't grin, but you get the gist.

i am a mum of a sn child first off she wouldnt do it.

2nd the mum should have taken it off the child and said sorry, however maybe put yourselve in that mums shoes what kinda day was she having you really have no idea what she could have been coping with, but i will say that is not just for sn mums, its for all mums.

what i will say but is that there are children that have no idea whats right and wrong in the world, my daughter is autistic and has no idea what is expected of her or what is right and wrong.

fair enough if the child was just being a wee trouble maker and doing it on purpose but clearly they werent.

to be honest if a child came up and took a toy of my daughter i would just say to her let her see it for a minute hunny, no big deal really ?

in the grand scheme of things lots more going on in peoples lives

The other things is IME you can't ever get it right- if you handed the toy back immediately wrapped in silk with a cheque for £20 attached you's still be in the doghouse becuase it was snatched in the fist palce.

Which is a shame becuase impulse control is part of many,many SN's- not just ASD

So sometimes people (OK me) tend towards defensiveness. It's;earned: too many people seeing us as a target. Am thinking in particular of the wheelchair used (so like the OP someone in the disability world just another branch) who swore at ds3 for accidentally staggering in front of his chair, when ds1 was in a form of absence; I was towing him to safety but coudln't stop him going side to side as we moved,leaved in front of a wheelchair,bloke screeched, I explained and the man leaned round and told him (he was probably about 4 at the time, so non verbal then) to fuck off (I can't say my reply was any mroe polite though thats a rarity for me).

When these incidents become part of your life you will start to care less about what other people think of how you respond to an event, rightly or worngly.

nappyaddict.We do get him his own beer, but he'll finish it then ask for mine!

When these incidents become part of your life you will start to care less about what other people think of how you respond to an event, rightly or worngly.

wise words peachy
I do think sometomes people forget the snapshot thsy see of "our" day is just that, they haven't seen the res, so when you tell the little brat darling who is staring at your child to go away, it isn't the first time (most likely) that it has happend that day, and no you don't want to educate thier child, you want to live your life.
why oh why are we supposed to be perfect and always on the ball 24/7

I can't understand when people judge something like that. Surely it would be obvious the child wasn't NT!