Can you really be in a committed relationship yet still sleep with other people?

[notanumber]

I am a regular and I haven't namechanged, so it would me nice if we could sidestep any troll accusations.

I've been pondering this since reading the interview with George Michael in last weekend's Guardian.

Michael seems like a slightly troubled but very likeable man. He has been with his boyfriend Kenny Goss for a very long time and as such they are one of Celebrity Royalty's fêted couples.

However, Michael -in this interview and previously - has made clear that he routinely has sex with other people (clearly this is with Goss' consent or at least knowledge).

Now if they're happy, that's fine, I don't have a problem with someone having multiple sexual partners if that's their thing. I just find it very hard to buy that a couple can have this kind of understanding and for their relationship to be really truly committed.

It is hard work being committed to someone, and being sexually faithful is a big part of what makes it hard. The pay-off though (in my opinion), is a truly deep, fulfilling committed relationship. Basically, can someone be 'the one' if you routinely shag other people?

Of course, it's none of my bloody business what George Michael (or anyone else for that matter) does with his willy for fun. I'm not judging casual sex.

I would also like to stress that this is nothing to do with homosexuality for me - I'd feel similarly about a heterosexual couple who portray themselves as deeply committed yet regularly sleep with other people. I would be asking the question, well are you really that bloody committed then?

It really really isn't me being icky about anal sex. I don't get why someone would want a fist up their fanjo either, but this would in no way make me question their commitment to their relationship if it was something they only ever did with their partner.

So what do you think?

Sorry but I don't believe i'm 'repressing' anything. It is not difficult for me to be monogamous. I honestly do not desire to be otherwise. And yes i do find you patronising in the extreme. But i'm sure you knew that when you posted.

Personally I am unwilling to ever commit to the point of being owned as such. I value my self as an individual and could not go into any sort of relationship which required me to give up that individuality and becoming lost in "the greater thing called US" where there is no me, no you, only US.

To me that would be suffocating to say the least an it strikes me as a cop out from those who DO do that as they don't posses the character to be themselves, instead choosing the safety of an umerella.

patronisation was not my intent. merely to clear up a point.

all natural behaviour can be trained out of any animal (humans included) for some it comes easier. for others never.

I reckon it would be a free for all. with a small group of monogamists off in a corner somewhere claiming purity and denouncing the evils of everyone else's hedonistic ways

Yes, me and Mr Mal are as chalk and cheese, he's outgoing, affable and will do anything for anyone. I'm, well, not any of those things. We agree on most important things but are very different personality types.

I'm very much an individual, stroppy and opinionated ( who knew ) , but the notion I have of my body being "owned" by him, is I suppose, a kink of sorts, I'm his for the taking.
He doesn't own my mind or control my personality any more than I own his, but we are the two halves that make a whole, after 27 years I would hope that any couple felt that way.

"Don't possess the character to be themselves"? You're having a laugh.

I've never, ever thought that everyone should be monogamous, only those who want to marry and/or have a family.

That's what being married is all about.

I don't think people in open relationships are evil in any way, I simply think they are kidding themselves if they believe they have any kind of deep and meaningful relationship.

But there seem to be a lot of open relationships with kids and they are working just fine.

I have no desire to be married but i do have 3 kids and consider that to be commitment enough.

oh so they're not evil, they're just wrong...

the monogamists are reminding me more and more of a lot of homophobes I know. 'I don't hate them, I just feel sorry for them'

That's what my mum used to say about lesbians before she came out as longing to be bi in her 60s!!

The phobia/fascination thing would also explain why these uber-happily-married types are always turning up on threads discussing monogamy, affairs etc protesting so incredibly loudly about their rampant sex with DH etc and how they've never ever looked at another man and everyone else in the world is just WRONG.

Why do people always bring the gay angle out in any debate?
Being gay is no different to being straight imho, it's not a "choice".

You do choose to either commit to one person or not, there is no inbetween. People who shag around aren't fully committed to their partner, it's really that simple. I don't know how people can even argue against that.

LeQ, Mr Mal will even put down his iphone if I suck hard enough, that's pretty rampant .

We're just giggling like 12 year olds at sexerama atm, male sex dolls with interchangable penises and vibrating tongues.

Thats one thing i agree on Mal, i cant understand why the gay angle is always portrayed on promiscuous threads.

Straight or gay, anyone is entitled to do what they feel, long as both partners are ok with it.

'Humans are NOT monogamous. naturally. that much has been proven as fact'

Who has proved this as a fact? I am naturally monogamous-I can't be the only human they missed in their research!

At the risk of flaming the flames still further see here I think from a zoological point of view we are not monogamous as a species. Monogamists - the rest of us are not really very interested in the detail of your sex lives and how wonderful they are unless it is a sex thread and therefore relevant. I wouldn't dream of breaching confidentiality with my DH to tell you what we were up to this weekend.

Leningrotto: in a better world where people were secure about themselves, then some would be monogamous, some woud be celebate, some would have sex with loads of different partners, some polyamorous etc but people would do what suited them and not feel the need to stress about what others do, or insist on one way of conducting one's love life to be better or more valid than the others.

Agreed. If someone has a problems with their relationship and wants some guidance. help or suggestions then obviously they have to say something about their partner to explain. I just wondered if the DH's in these very happy and monogamous relationships where everything is open and shared know that their spouses comment on their sex lives and sexual preferences in enormous detail on here and how they feel about it. Some of the posters have said so much about their lives that they could be very easy to identify if anyone knows them. My DH might not be very happy if the whole of his office suddenly became aware of his foibles ( unlikely as he works only with men)

Do you seriously think that I would espouse honesty and good communication whilst simultaneously secretly posting intimate details on here, of course my husband knows I post on here, whenever I'm tapping away he will ask if I'm posting more filth on MN.

If anyone was sad enough to trawl through my posts trying to piece together my identity, I'd give them 10/10 for stalking.
I don't work with anyone who's even heard of MN and he works 40 miles away from home and doesn't socialise with his colleagues.
I haven't posted anything on here that I'd be ashamed of people knowing in any case, it's not like I'm outing him as a cross dresser or anything!

LEqueen: If you're not a teeny bit insecure, why is it so very important to you to keep telling everyone how much better your relationship is than other people's various relationsips? What you have suits you, bully for you and all that, but SFW. Other people are happy doing it differently, why does that rattle your cage so much?