Can you really be in a committed relationship yet still sleep with other people?

[notanumber]

I am a regular and I haven't namechanged, so it would me nice if we could sidestep any troll accusations.

I've been pondering this since reading the interview with George Michael in last weekend's Guardian.

Michael seems like a slightly troubled but very likeable man. He has been with his boyfriend Kenny Goss for a very long time and as such they are one of Celebrity Royalty's fêted couples.

However, Michael -in this interview and previously - has made clear that he routinely has sex with other people (clearly this is with Goss' consent or at least knowledge).

Now if they're happy, that's fine, I don't have a problem with someone having multiple sexual partners if that's their thing. I just find it very hard to buy that a couple can have this kind of understanding and for their relationship to be really truly committed.

It is hard work being committed to someone, and being sexually faithful is a big part of what makes it hard. The pay-off though (in my opinion), is a truly deep, fulfilling committed relationship. Basically, can someone be 'the one' if you routinely shag other people?

Of course, it's none of my bloody business what George Michael (or anyone else for that matter) does with his willy for fun. I'm not judging casual sex.

I would also like to stress that this is nothing to do with homosexuality for me - I'd feel similarly about a heterosexual couple who portray themselves as deeply committed yet regularly sleep with other people. I would be asking the question, well are you really that bloody committed then?

It really really isn't me being icky about anal sex. I don't get why someone would want a fist up their fanjo either, but this would in no way make me question their commitment to their relationship if it was something they only ever did with their partner.

So what do you think?

I think it's a sad person who needs sex to feel special. There's a lot of good things about sex and other ways to feel special. I always feel good having sex and don't feel bad after. I feel special because I have people who love me, so I don't care if that one happy feeling comes from sex, I don't feel "not special" from it either.

Nothing outside of you can make you feel special or valued atc It is all within.If you feel good about yourself everything else is a bonus.There is no shame in enjoying sex and wanting it whether you intend to make a longer term commitment to the person or not.i personally have never experienced this low you speak of .

I think some people mistake sex for love ie they are unable to feel good about themselves without sex. They need to feel wanted in order to feel attractive.

Or they might just fancy a shag

Maleeka, yep totally!

I can't remember who posted it, but it was something about meeting men after the death of a partner, as if it was expected.

I love my dh, that love will not suddenly disappear when he dies, "out of sight out of mind" is how I feel about my postman, not my dh.

I will be happy to live alone after dh dies, I would not be looking for his replacement. He is irreplaceable.

But if I die first and he moves another women in, i'll haunt him forever.....

The dirty bastard.

I met RBShusband when I was 15. We have been married 27 years. He is the only man I have ever slept with and I am the only woman he has ever slept with. I di not feel that either of us has missed out. We have had great fun learning about each other and finding out what we enjoy. We are still experimenting even though we have adult children who would be horrifies to think that we even 'do it' let alone still experiment. I don't think I am smug about our lifestyle at all. I do not condemn those who like to sleep around. It is just that I genuinely believe I was lucky enough to have found the right person for me all those years ago. I don't feel sorry for those who choose to sleep with others, it is their choice, but not mine. As to whether they can be as committed to their partner/dh as we are, I honestly don't know. I have never experienced their side of the coin and therefore, can't say one way or the other. All I know is, is that monogamy is the right way for me.

I think it is very sad that this thread seems to have become something of a slanging match about who is right or wrong. Everybody is entitled to make the choice that is right for them, without being slated or insulted for it. Why can't we accept that what is right for some is not right forothers without all the nastiness?

I reckon these multiple partner types who spout on about people having sexual hang ups shouldn't really speak about it.

They don't know what they're talking about.

DP you live in such a small world I would say you are qualified to speak on very little.'Multiple partner types'.You do realise that having had only one partner in your whole life you are in a MINORITY and we all know your thoughts on those

Thesecondcoming, in my younger days, i had a couple of very insecure friends who would sleep with blokes, they didnt want sex, they wanted love, they needed to feel better about themselves and would flit from one bloke to another trying to find it.

Not saying this is the case for everyone, but it does exist.

Thesecondcoming, yep agree totally with you.

I thought what DP was trying to say was that it did exist, not that it applied to everyone. Perhaps i read it wrong.

noddyholder;

Do you have to experience something first hand to have an opinion on it...?

I've never been fat, but I know if I was i'd be miserable, and just because i've only slept with one person doesn't mean I read Mills & Boon in bed.

I'm a sado masochist actually.

I've got a friend who is married and they are totally commited to each other and bringing up their children

However he has no libido and she has had many sexual encounters that meet her needs. They have been together for 20 years, he knows what she does and just turns a blind eye.

It works for them but i guess some people on here would still say they are not commited at all.

I didn't say that.But tbh you have to be open to other cultures and lifestyles in order to learn.You can't just have a daily mail-esque unrealistic model for the ideal society and then disvredit any other way of living.I am white heterosexual fairly liberal monogamous woman with certain beliefs and values but I certainly don 't think my way is the only way and all others are wrong or to be disapproved of.

ok LQ I'm sorry. I'm not actually dismissive at all of your happinness with H and I hope the same may be my good fortune one day (though I don't think I'd be intense about it, actually if someone I really loved wanted monogamy from me I would do it) but you're right I am bitter atm about lots of things and it spills out at the wrong points. I'll have the last post deleted, it was out of order. Happy Xmas to you and Mr Q.

ok LQ I'm sorry. I'm not actually dismissive at all of your happinness with H and I hope the same may be my good fortune one day (though I don't think I'd be intense about it, actually if someone I really loved wanted monogamy from me I would do it) but you're right I am bitter atm about lots of things and it spills out at the wrong points. I'll have the last post deleted, it was out of order. Happy Xmas to you and Mr Q.

agingoth,

I must have missed you talking about your depression, I'm very sorry to hear that.

Wishing you well.