Can you really be in a committed relationship yet still sleep with other people?

[notanumber]

I am a regular and I haven't namechanged, so it would me nice if we could sidestep any troll accusations.

I've been pondering this since reading the interview with George Michael in last weekend's Guardian.

Michael seems like a slightly troubled but very likeable man. He has been with his boyfriend Kenny Goss for a very long time and as such they are one of Celebrity Royalty's fêted couples.

However, Michael -in this interview and previously - has made clear that he routinely has sex with other people (clearly this is with Goss' consent or at least knowledge).

Now if they're happy, that's fine, I don't have a problem with someone having multiple sexual partners if that's their thing. I just find it very hard to buy that a couple can have this kind of understanding and for their relationship to be really truly committed.

It is hard work being committed to someone, and being sexually faithful is a big part of what makes it hard. The pay-off though (in my opinion), is a truly deep, fulfilling committed relationship. Basically, can someone be 'the one' if you routinely shag other people?

Of course, it's none of my bloody business what George Michael (or anyone else for that matter) does with his willy for fun. I'm not judging casual sex.

I would also like to stress that this is nothing to do with homosexuality for me - I'd feel similarly about a heterosexual couple who portray themselves as deeply committed yet regularly sleep with other people. I would be asking the question, well are you really that bloody committed then?

It really really isn't me being icky about anal sex. I don't get why someone would want a fist up their fanjo either, but this would in no way make me question their commitment to their relationship if it was something they only ever did with their partner.

So what do you think?

Thanks dp and LQ and apologies for being a bitch.

I'm also suffering from Lost Love syndrome atm which makes me particularly sensitive- can't give too many details but the guy was unsuitable and eventually unavailable but I was head over heels with him in a way I've never been with previous lovers. If he'd wanted til death us do part I'd have given it to him no problem, and monogamy as well. However he was a complete tart and into threesomes, fine with me tbh. I reckon if I really love someone anything goes though I wouldn't ever seek to impose monogamy myself iyswim.

Out of interest LQ/Mal/dp, in the unlikely event DH did cheat and you found out, would you leave him, or given you love him so much would you forgive?

I reckon I would always forgive tbh.

agingoth;

sorry things didn't work out with your last partner. It's one of those "put it down to experience" situations isn't it, you have to learn from it and move on.

Would I forgive dh if he cheated on me..?

It depends on the degree of deceit.
If I found out he'd been having an affair with my best friend for the past 5 years then no, if he'd had a bit too much to drink one night and ended up in bed with someone, then yes.

People make mistakes, I make them, but I don't make the same mistake everyday for 5 years.

LeQueen: for the millionth time, what you do in your relationship is your business. What I object to from monogamists is the constant insistance that their monogamy makes them better than other people and that everyone else is secretly jealous of them, mad or in some kind of denial.
Because the relentless pushing of monogamy as the only thing to aspire to (not just done by you and Mal and DP but in general) is actually bad for people and bad for society. Because people who are not monogamous and not interested in long term monogamy often end up drifting into monogamous relatinships because they;ve been told over and over again that this is the best way to live and it's some badness in them that has stopped them doing it so far, don't like it and either endure miserably or start deceiving their partners. Obsessive monogamism makes people feel entitled to violently assault either 'cheating' partners or those they see as a threat to their monogamy. Obsessive monogamism mixed with the fuckwitted romantic nonsense about 'The ONe' makes people behave horribly to their partners ie if you are stupid and deluded enough to believe that there is only one perfect partner then every time you feel attracted to someone new you decide that he/she is The ONe and therefore everyone else in the world is disposable.
So that's why I'm going to carry on pointing out the silly, self-obsessed smuggery of some people's posts - it's not a criticism of your relationships (about which I know nothing ie you could be a treefrog rather than a person anyway, it's the internet - and care less) but about your insistence on your own superiority.

Monogamy is the best, solidgold.

OP, I think the answer to your question is "Yes, if you're a man" and as they're both men, it probably works for them. At least thats what Ive always assumed.

Please god dont say that to be mumsnetically correct these days you have to embrace anal sex. Sorry, but playing with poo will always revolt some people, me included, and Im damned if I will be called a homophobe for that reason!

Lequeen: and what would you do if it was you that had the moment of drunken madness?

RBSWife, you have said what some of us have been saying all through the thread and very nicely. No one said all monogomists are smug, just the ones who cling to monogomy and their relationship like it's the model of how relationships should be and nothing else can meet the mark. You have certainly proven that is not you.