Can you really be in a committed relationship yet still sleep with other people?

[notanumber]

I am a regular and I haven't namechanged, so it would me nice if we could sidestep any troll accusations.

I've been pondering this since reading the interview with George Michael in last weekend's Guardian.

Michael seems like a slightly troubled but very likeable man. He has been with his boyfriend Kenny Goss for a very long time and as such they are one of Celebrity Royalty's fêted couples.

However, Michael -in this interview and previously - has made clear that he routinely has sex with other people (clearly this is with Goss' consent or at least knowledge).

Now if they're happy, that's fine, I don't have a problem with someone having multiple sexual partners if that's their thing. I just find it very hard to buy that a couple can have this kind of understanding and for their relationship to be really truly committed.

It is hard work being committed to someone, and being sexually faithful is a big part of what makes it hard. The pay-off though (in my opinion), is a truly deep, fulfilling committed relationship. Basically, can someone be 'the one' if you routinely shag other people?

Of course, it's none of my bloody business what George Michael (or anyone else for that matter) does with his willy for fun. I'm not judging casual sex.

I would also like to stress that this is nothing to do with homosexuality for me - I'd feel similarly about a heterosexual couple who portray themselves as deeply committed yet regularly sleep with other people. I would be asking the question, well are you really that bloody committed then?

It really really isn't me being icky about anal sex. I don't get why someone would want a fist up their fanjo either, but this would in no way make me question their commitment to their relationship if it was something they only ever did with their partner.

So what do you think?

< sharp intake of breath >

LeQueen: I meant, didn;t you want to do anything interesting in your life that wasn't about romantic relationships? Like travel the world, form a band, cure the common cold? THis is my other gripe about monogamism (as opposed to ordinary monogamy) for women is that it so often seems to take the place of actually having a life.

LOL @ people arguing about others not keeping their marriage vows then saying that they wouldn't keep them either...!

"Till death do us part" anyone?

BTW, I'm monogamous but don't see the problem in not being, I know that like in any part of life (my previous religion examples for example) commitment is personal and varies bewteen people. I also don't tie emotions to sex, yes I "make love" and there are emotions involved, but I can also have sex for sex because it's fun. A big cuddly warm vibrator!

Most importantly of all I don't think that anyone should have an exact replica of my relationship to feel what I do about my man.

LG: I think everyone wonders 'what if I'd done it differently' at some point, be that straight, gay, celibate, whatever. An XP of mine told me that his mother used to not-quite-100%-joke about the fact that if she hadn't gotten PG with him she would have made millions and been famous (this wasn't spurious, she was in the performing arts and on the brink of great things etc, actually had to turn down the BIg Break because of the pregnancy).
Wasn't it John Betjemin who said when he was dying, and they asked if he had any regrets, 'Yes, I wish I'd had more sex'?
I'm kind of with the Butthole Surfers on that - 'It is better to regret the things you HAVE done than the things you have NOT done. ANd by the way SATAN SATAN SATANNNNNN!@

polymama Actually I think your life sounds emminently sensible and happy, I think i may have been projecting my present situation with a 2 yr old and a 3month old baby and barely having time for the one partner.

On another note I do feel that the idea that anyone's personal choices (presuming no one is unduly/deliberately hurt), be they one man forever (apparently even after they have ceased to exist) or several women/men all at the same time can be judged to be 'right' or 'superior' a little terrifying.

'I'm kind of with the Butthole Surfers on that - 'It is better to regret the things you HAVE done than the things you have NOT done. ANd by the way SATAN SATAN SATANNNNNN!@'

quite sgb, how anyone on this thread can accuse you of sounding 'angry and bitter' I don't know (though come to think of it yelling SATANNNN might be open to misinterpretation

btw the whole 'we are forever even after death' thing scares the shite out of me! fgs even wedding vows only say 'until DEATH us do part!'

If I had a partner saying stuff like that to me I'd run for the hills frankly, am I alone i in that???

And there seems to be an implication in Mal and LQs posts that if they died they wouldn't actually want their Hs to find happinness with someone else. Words fail me...but frankly, it they wouldn't be there to stop him, it's not actually a problem...

Not written with malice SGB? You've got to be fucking joking!

I've had a more interesting and varied life than you , I'm certain of that, not to mention seen far more of the world.

My hubby was in the Air Force for 12 years so from the age of 18 we lived and worked all over the world and the UK.

Have you swum in an underground cenote in the Mexican jungle?

Climbed the main Pyramid at Chitchen Itza?

Stood on the cliffs at Tulum?

Were you in Berlin when the wall came down?

Ever been arrested for illegal photography in The valley of the kings?

Trekked over from The valley of the nobles to the tomb of Hatshepsut at daybreak?

Ridden around the back streets of Cairo with a mad Eygyptian who offered us a lift from The Citadel to the Cairo museum?

Walked down the royal causeway between the Pyramids and the Sphinx?

Swum in a Norwegian fjord after running from a sauna in the snow?

Had 20 camels offered for you in a souk in Bahrain?

Stood and watched helplessly as a young airman and his baby were murdered by the IRA in a cafe outside your base?

Checked your car for bombs every single day for 8 years whilst living in Germany?

Driven across most of mainland Europe?

Had your husband go to war when you have a six month old baby?

That is maybe 1% of our experiences over the last 27 years, so yes, I've had such a dull life.

Such bile and vitriol for monogamy, how pathetic that you had to stoop so low as to insinuate that our husbands probably think we're a bit mental and shag around behind our oh so blinkered backs. Subtle.

You lost the argument there and then.

BTW, I'll think of you while we're kite-surfing and scuba diving off Cuba in a few weeks time, NOT.

Malificence: THe fact taht you constatnly bang on about how wonderful your life is really does give the impression that in fact you are a spinster with 5 cats living in a bedsit in Neasden, TBH.

to be fair, why not agree that Mal and LQ are happy-what annoys me is that they seem to be so sodding superior about it all the time. I'm not happy at all myself atm but it's not for the lack of an eternal death-defying love.

gosh mal, that list sounds like a list of things everyone must do before they die

wherever did you manage to lift it fit it all in while doing so much shagging ?

LeQueen: In that case, why on earth are you so bothered about what other people do that you have to keep banging on about how inferior their way of living is to yours?