I can't read all this and not post!
I grew up in a DV household. My mother hoped that my father would change, that if he felt secure enough, if she loved him enough, if he felt loved enough, if he was given the right help etc etc, he would see the error of his ways, and he would change.
I swore to myself that I would NEVER end up in a DV relationship, at any cost!!!! (I was wrong!!!)
I know alot of people may disagree with me, but I blamed my MOTHER, not my father.
IMHO, it was my MOTHER who was weak, powerless, pathetic, a victim, and my anger was directed passive aggressively alot of the time, but still there nonetheless, at my mother.
I blamed my mother for not removing me from the situation, I blamed my mother for not protecting me, I lost faith in my mother's ability to protect me, I didn't understand her feelings and I didn't want to.
My attitude was that if she wanted to allow herself to be treated this way, she should at least give her DC the chance to live in an abuse free home, but she was too weak to do this.
Eventually, my mother left him, although it tore me apart to see her pining for the twat, especially after he had by then been violent to all of her DC, including me, and it wasn't just the once, it went on for years, and do you know what my deluded mother said when my father was violent to us DC, she said we shouldn't have pissed him off!!!
I grew up to be a people pleaser (no surprises there then) and to feel this powerful urge to give people another chance and another chance, over and over. I had no self esteem and no confidence whatsoever.
The twat turned up at our new address one day, and begged to be given another chance, and I told my mother there and then, that if she took him back, I was gone, because I would not live under that fear a moment longer.
Roll on 20 years.
I have just escaped a nasty abusive relationship, so it can happen to anyone, I know that now. My DD is 16 mnths old. She will grow up to see that abuse should never be tolerated, and that her mummy is not a weak pathetic powerless victim.
I am just beginning, after almost 40 years, to find some self esteem and a tiny bit of confidence.
My DD will grow up being given a totally different opinion of herself than I was. I will make sure of this, as I did with my DS, and still do!!
I would rather be a single parent for the rest of my life than be with a dickhead like OP's P.
If you think this will not affect yr DD, you are deluding yrself.
I am nearing 40, and I am still angry with my mother, when I think about what she put us through for the sake of a man total fuckwit!!!
Prioritising a man over your children is unacceptable in this case.
I am so angry that you would totally fuck up your DD's values and standards and radar, where men are concerned by even thinking of giving him another chance. I know its hard, I am not too far down the road of escaping my abusive ex myself, but when I have a wobble, threads like this one help me to realise, It is not the twat you miss, it is the man you wish he was!
If you really want to be with him, take your DD completely out of the situation, and get on with it, just you and your P.
Your DD deserves better, even if you don't think you do.
So sorry for the rant, but this thread has left me and very very sad.
What a selfish, self absorbed, deluded OP.