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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that if you are not on a doner register you should give up any rights to a donated organ?

324 replies

littlemoominmamma · 04/12/2009 14:04

Do you think this would be a reasonable idea? If you have an organ donation card you should be entitled to an organ.... if not then that is your choice?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 04/12/2009 14:35

YABU but I can see where youre coming from. It would be wrong though, to do it like that.

Agree with others who say that organ donation should be opt-out, rather than opt-in.

I think that family can veto donation even if you have expressed a wish to donate though, that used to be the case ayway.

chegirlwithbellson · 04/12/2009 14:37

I would like to say YANBU but I cant quite bring myself to.

I wish more people would register to be organ, bone marrow and blood donors. But you cant force people to.

I would like to force soap operas to stop doing fucking stupid storylines that portray bone marrow donation as a probably leathal procedure or show those who need liver/kidney transplants etc just getting them off someone who lives next door.

So many people think if someone they loved needed bone marrow etc they 'would just give them some of mine'. It doesnt work like that.

There is so much myth surrounding bone marrow donation ie. its a massive operation and they take bits of your bones away etc it puts people off and I suspect it allows people to justify not doing it.

misdee · 04/12/2009 14:39

this might make more people sign up though

waitingforbedtime · 04/12/2009 14:40

You know when people say 'No way should it be an opt out system' I really don't get it. It's not a 'you have to donate, we own your body' it is a 'everyone may need an organ one day, if you feel you don't want to donate opt out by all means but we don't want to miss out on potentially millions of organs (and lifes saved) because people 'didnt get round' to signing up'

No way should my father be going on thrice weekly dialysis and still be waiting for a transplant.

tethersend · 04/12/2009 14:41

Doner card

scottishmummy · 04/12/2009 14:41

organs are allocated on clinical need not arbitrary decison about donor card status

you are being daft. plenty people dont donate blood but receive it if required.are you suggesting a postpartum Hemorrhage mum be denied blood because she isnt blood donor?

waitingforbedtime · 04/12/2009 14:43

for anyone who ahsnt signed up but does want to....

2ChildrenPlusLA · 04/12/2009 14:43

Can family agree to donation if you haven't made it clear?

misdee · 04/12/2009 14:43

'By littlemoominmamma Fri 04-Dec-09 14:30:34
Even if your organs are unuseable you could agree in principal and if you needed a transplant it would be as easy as signing something to say you would be a doner before you go into theatre when you sign the consent form.'

belive at the time of peter going to theatre, signing to say he would be a donor was the last thing on our minds.

misdee · 04/12/2009 14:45

2children, yes. but tha chances of actually being a suitable donor is very slim chance at the time of death. there are only situations (brain stem death) where donation is possible.

the same way, your next of kin, can also deny the organs being used if they feel strongly against it.

AMumInScotland · 04/12/2009 14:45

As long as they leave the veto for the relatives, then I don't see that it makes any difference (morally) if it's opt-in or opt-out - either way you have the chance during your life to express your views, either by opting in/out or by talking to your relatives about what you want. And they are able to veto it or go along with it depending on their strength of feeling when the time comes. But an opt-out system would maybe make it easier for relatives who don't know what the deceased wanted to say "Well, he didn't opt out so probably didn't mind the idea" instead of "He didn't opt in so we don't know if he would be ok about it"

misdee · 04/12/2009 14:48

new organ donation ad

apparent 96% of people would accept an organ, but only 27% are registered to donate. the stats have changed abit, but still need to up them some more.

Original poster
littlemoominmamma · 04/12/2009 14:48

misdee - so sorry to hear about your husband, glad he is doing ok now!

Guess my great idea is actually unworkable and not so great. Our bodies are sooo re-useable it is such a pity we dont think about it a bit more.

OP posts:
chegirlwithbellson · 04/12/2009 14:52

When I had to tell DD she wasnt going to get better one of the first things she asked me was 'can I donate my organs?'.

When I asked and was told no she cried. Even after all she went through she wanted to do something to help.

They can take every fecking bit of me if they want.

They couldnt find a bone marrow match for DD.

porcamiseria · 04/12/2009 14:53

no !!!!!YABU

Think the opt out idea is a good one tho

misdee · 04/12/2009 14:53

it wa s a long road littlemoomin, dh spent over 2years on the transplant list being kept alived by an artificial heart, had an ICD implanted which would shock him if his heart went out of rhtymn, and he suffered 3 strokes. i honestly didnt expect him to survive. we knew it was getting serious when he went on the emergency list, which generally only happens when you have weeks left to live.

he defied the odds so many times, and am so grateful he is still here with us, and that we have added dd4 to our brood, the prrof that organ donation desnt just save lives, its changes them. its like little ripples on a pond.

girlsyearapart · 04/12/2009 14:55

Get your point but yabu (a bit)

Opt out system would be miles better though. That's what they have in Belgium where we used to live.

I had a blood transfusion after dd2s birth and am eternally grateful to those who give blood. I used to but they don't want my blood anymore because I have MS. Dh is going to give though in a 'replacement' way.

santaschristmascakeywakey · 04/12/2009 14:59

Chegirl, Waitingforbedtime and Missdee, so sorry to hear about what has happened to you all. It's when you hear about RL situations where donation could have/has made a difference that you really realise more needs to be done.

Changing the system to opt-out seems suchb a no-brainer. I'm sure there would be an initial (unfounded) wave against, but after a while, it would become the cultural norm surely? People would wonder why we ever did it any other way.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/12/2009 14:59

Chegirl your posts always make me well up a little bit You and your DD sound like such amazing people. Your love and pride in her shine out so strongly

RockBird · 04/12/2009 15:00

Ultimately the opt out system says your body is ours to do what we like with unless you tell us otherwise. And that for me is a step too far.

And so if you haven't got round to opting out and your family are asked by your death bed, how much pressure is going to be put on them because really your body is owned by the state and it's just a courtesy to ask, isn't it?

I know it's really really hard and I'm fortunate that I haven't yet been close to this situation but I think there is a line and opt out crosses it.

2ChildrenPlusLA · 04/12/2009 15:00

I actually have experience of the donation procedure. My brother received a kidney. The process is horrendous.

At 3am in the morning he was one of 3 people called to their local transport hospital for the potential kidney. They all had tests and the kidney was then transported speedily to the hospital of the person that was 'chosen' according to some formula that included how close they were to death without it, whether they had a cold that might impact on receiving and the fitest etc.

My brother was chosen. With every hour that passed without the kidney inside him the chances of success would dwindle. The kidney arrived but he was pipped for the theatre by another transplant of greater need, so he and his new kidney (the result of a car accident that evening) had to wait as the chances of success grew less and less.

He got his kidney and then spent a few weeks in hospital getting to know other people and their families and watch some of them go through the rejection process, some irretreivable.

His kidney worked at 80% (which is fantastic btw) and he was given a estimation of about 10 years until failure. He's had it 15 years and there are no signs yet.

And yet, I'm not on the register. However I have discussed it with my family and they know that the decision is down to them and that I give THEM consent to whatever they can handle. I don't want them to feel like they have let me down if they can't do it.

santaschristmascakeywakey · 04/12/2009 15:03

It wouldn't be a courtesy though RockBird. Even if you are on the donor register now, your next of kin can still refuse for your organs to be taken.

An opt-out system would have to make sure that people didn't feel pressured of course, it wouldn't work in the system's favour otherwise as more people would opt-out if they felt the process was a bad one.

BunnyLebowski · 04/12/2009 15:04

I cannot fathom why anyone would not want to be on the organ donor register.

What justifiable reason is there for not wanting to help people who so desperately need it when you're dead and it makes no difference to you?

VinegarTinselTits · 04/12/2009 15:04

Dont be silly

Its not like swap shop you know

RockBird · 04/12/2009 15:05

Hmm, I can really see the need for it and there seriously does have to be something done but it just sits very uneasily with me.

How does it work in other countries? I saw Belgium mentioned as having opt out.