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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have complained about a beavers' leader?

54 replies

HowlingCow · 03/12/2009 12:32

One of the school mums recently started as a beavers' leader where my daughter goes. I know a lot about this woman as do a lot of other parents. She is very neglectful of her own daughter (she's on her own) and has actually told her that she detests her. She is a severe self-harmer and has done so in front of her own child, in fact only 2 weekends ago she caused terrible damage to the tendons in her arm resulting in a dash to A & E. She has been making money through prostitution though spends it on tattoos for herself and on nothing for her daughter. Social services are involved in her case. I know the beavers role may be part of rehabilitation for her but I feel very uncomfortable having her around my child (as does a friend of mine) in a leadership role. I mentioned my worries to one of the main group leaders and she has now been told that she won't be able to undertake this role. Have I been unreasonable doing this?

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/12/2009 12:35

how much of the info you have given about the leader do you actually know and how much is hearsay or gossip? making money through prostituion for eg - unless you or your husband have used her services then you cannot know

WhoIsAskingSantaForCake · 03/12/2009 12:38

"She has been making money through prostitution though spends it on tattoos for herself and on nothing for her daughter. "

That is disgusting.

(She could totally get her daughter a little tear tattoo on her cheek, they might even give her a discount for being under 16)

MadBadandCoveredinTinsel · 03/12/2009 12:40

You have not been unreasonable in voicing your concerns about this person's fitness to be in charge of children, although I do hope that the Beaver leaders took their decision based on reliable information from (say) police or social services, rather than local gossip, and took advice from HQ. Presumably she had passed a CRB check. Was she a warranted leader or a parent helper?

And have you volunteered to take her place as a leader/helper?

(I am a Brownie leader)

Original poster

HowlingCow · 03/12/2009 12:42

She's told a couple of us herself! Unless she's making it up of course.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 03/12/2009 12:45

It seems very odd that she wanted to be a Beaves leader if the rest is true. Do they give out crack over the toadstool?

Original poster

HowlingCow · 03/12/2009 12:46

As she had only just started I think they were still waiting for her CRB check to go through-I filled one in and it took a few weeks. I've a 20 month old and a 4 year old as well as my 6 year old and can't help as my husband is often on call. To be honest they never seem short on helpers. She told us she was going to be a leader but whether she actually meant parent helper I don't know.

OP posts:

Original poster

HowlingCow · 03/12/2009 12:47

You're so hilarious hullygully.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 03/12/2009 12:56

Why thank you.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/12/2009 12:57

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 03/12/2009 12:58

why are you posting this?

do you honestly think any off us will argue that a self harming prostitute who verbally abuses their own child would make a good beaver leader?

SoupDragon · 03/12/2009 13:00

Can no one else see the irony of the juxtaposition of "prostitute" and "beaver"?

SoupDragon · 03/12/2009 13:01

I would argue she's already a leading beaver in her field.

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 03/12/2009 13:04

snurk

Hassled · 03/12/2009 13:04

Hassled · 03/12/2009 13:05

I wonder if there's a badge for maintaining a well groomed beaver?

Hullygully · 03/12/2009 13:08

I think a brush is more useful for that.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/12/2009 13:09

ahem hullu gully

nigelslaterfan · 03/12/2009 13:09

YANBU if these allegations are true.
But I'm surprised anyone could become a leader without a lot of checks being made.
Our scout groups are very careful about leaders.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/12/2009 13:10

WhoIsAskingSantaForCake · 03/12/2009 13:10

Quote of the week for Soupdragon I think.

Tortington · 03/12/2009 13:13

wow - so this woman was trying to do something better for herself and her daughter by volunteering her time and now she can't volunteer.

buy her a nice knife for xmas, if its not sharp enough for self harming - put it in her back

MillyR · 03/12/2009 13:59

I think the self harming is irrelevant. There is no reason why someone who self harms can't be in a position of responsibility. The behaviour towards her daughter is a matter for social services, and if the behaviour is as serious as you say then Beavers would have found out through her CRB check.

I think you are right to point out the social services issue as the CRB check would take a while to come back, but the stuff about tattoos and so on should not have been mentioned. Why would it be relevant? Are Beaver leaders not allowed to be tattoed?

pantomimecow · 03/12/2009 15:01

What form does this neglect take ? Don't tell me her DD goes to school with a hole in her tights !!

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/12/2009 15:03

How on earth would you actually know that she is a prostitute and that she spend her earnings on tattoos only.

Seems like a load of jumped up gossip and assumption to me.

UnexpectedFuckingWassailing · 03/12/2009 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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