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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The term "Partner".

297 replies

marantha · 30/11/2009 12:51

Am I being unreasonable to find the term "partner" intensely annoying when applied to those in a relationship? Particularly when they are actually married so it should be like, er, husband, wife or spouse instead?
Partner in what exactly? Ballroom dancing, bridge-playing. Isn't there something just a teensy-weeny bit smug about the term?

OP posts:
chopstheduck · 30/11/2009 12:52

I used it til dh and I got married. Boyfriend just sounded absurd after 5 years of being together, and I didn't know what else to call him!

ClaireDeLoon · 30/11/2009 12:53

YABU what am I meant to call him? My boyfreind I'm 37 fgs not a teen.

And people use it when they're unsure if a couple are married, I can't see how it is offensive to be called a partner rather than a wife tbh, it's such a minor thing.

BitOfFun · 30/11/2009 12:53

It used to grate, but it's been common parlance for years now, and doesn't bother me any more.

VinegarTits · 30/11/2009 12:57

Well of course if you are married there is no need to use the term 'partner' but for those who are not, it sounds far better than boyfriend/girlfriend which is just so teenagey

But in the grand scheme of things, it doesnt really matter

meltedchocolate · 30/11/2009 12:57

Good term for 'older' people who aren't married, but i like to call DH my husband or spouse infront of people and if they know our marital status dont like to hear 'partner'. It's not really a big deal though is it?

I call my DH 'boyfriend' when we are alone together to say to him that i still fancy him as much as i did when i met him.

RainRainGoAway · 30/11/2009 12:57

I use partner even when referring to married people as I got fed up with 'We aren't married - actually' short tempered comments.

I kind of feel like it is calling an Australian a New Zealander. The Australian won't be offended but the New Zealander is pissy if it is the other way around!!

Kaloki · 30/11/2009 12:58

I know my fiance dislikes the use of DP on here. But then before we were engaged I called him my partner or other half. So shrugs

The only time I dislike it is when I'm not sure whether someone is gay/bi/straight and I'm trying to avoid putting my foot in it, partner makes it difficult. But then that's my fault really for not asking or remembering.

thumbwitch · 30/11/2009 12:58

reasonable to use it when no other word really works - my Dad upset DH no end before we were married by introducing him as my "friend" (can't say I blame DH for this). Dad's excuse was that Dh didn't count as a partner because we didn't live together, and I was too old to have a boyfriend, and manfriend just sounds ridiculous. So YABU except in the case of married couples (but these days so many couples aren't married that it's a bit of a catchall phrase designed not to offend the non-marrieds, imo)

Pineapplechunks · 30/11/2009 12:58

YABU.

After years and children together, among other commitments, to use the term boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't give enough recognition or vehemence to the relationship. After a few months of dating you call someone your boyfriend.

They have become your partner in life. Once married obviously they take on a different title.

What would you prefer people in serious, longterm relationships to call each other if not "my partner"?

Tolalola · 30/11/2009 13:00

Yes, I agree that it's a bit loathesome, but difficult to know what else to call someone, really. It seems a bit silly to call DP my 'boyfriend' when we're both the wrong side of 35, have a child and have been together for years.

DP gets around it by referring to me as his 'wife', which I don't like much either as I have no desire to be married, and I'm not too fond of 'other half', because we're both whole people in our own right, thanks very much. 'Better half' just sounds twee to me, like calling the loo the 'smallest room'.

Better suggestions gratefully received!

nickelbabe · 30/11/2009 13:01

I hate partner if it's not used like you say, op, or for business.

I call my OH a boyfriend: he's 48 and it doesn't bother me! (or him, actually)

or young man, maybe.

then when you get engaged you can be fiance/fiancee.

BelfastBloke · 30/11/2009 13:02

The perfect gender-neutral, status-neutral word. Very useful.

Montifer · 30/11/2009 13:08

My partner and I have chosen not to get married and consider ourselves to be in a partnership.
We therefore refer to each other as 'partner'.

In answer to OP question the partnership is a joint interest in our day to day life together.

ViveLeCliche · 30/11/2009 13:11

YABU - only because for all the reasons people have put it ends up, by default, the least horrible name to use if you're not married. Still makes me cringe to have to say it though.

I've always had this horrible compulsion (and luckily have never had the nerve) to introduce my DP to all and sundry as my loverrrrrr (Eartha Kitt voice required) - the posher/more inappropriate the occasion/location the stronger the compulsion.

thumbwitch · 30/11/2009 13:12

Tolalola, you could always go the Del-boy route and use "significant other"

Or maybe not - I always used to grind my teeth when DH used it on me, jokingly of course.

Chandra · 30/11/2009 13:13

I wish English language was like Spanish where you have a word "novio" that refers to boyfriends no matter if they are 10 yrs old or 75.

It sounds silly to use the word "boyfriend" if you both are over 35, but using "partner" when not living together also sounds a bit off.

I suppose I should call mine Partner, like in "partner in crime" other than that... I have no idea.

meltedchocolate · 30/11/2009 13:16

I actually like 'significant other' It is clear and to the point!

meltedchocolate · 30/11/2009 13:17

It never crossed my mind that i would not marry DH. We were talking about it after a week and after two had already decided. From then on we would often refere to each other as wife or husband until we got married, then it was all the time obviously

PuppyMonkey · 30/11/2009 13:19

Oh do bog off with your "intensely annoyings". As if you do find it intensely annoying really... And if you do, you are a nutter.. getting intensely annoyed at a perfectly good word. Get intensely annoyed at something more useful. Eg, UHT milk cartons.

If you think about the term, partner is actually nice. Life partner. What a lovely thing.

gramercy · 30/11/2009 13:25

I dislike "partner" too. It sounds so sterile. Or sort of silly, as if you have teamed up for country dancing.

Also if you are going to call someone your partner, ensure that you are mutually in the partnership. Dh's friend met a girl and to our astonishment when we met her she referred to herself as "Jim's partner". How could you possibly be someone's partner after three weeks? Dh's friend's face was a study in horror.

Montifer · 30/11/2009 13:27

at Bog off

Belfast Bloke, you've phrased my sentiments exactly and far more succinctly than I was able to.
I use 'partner' for the same reason I use Ms.

If DP and I do ever marry (for legal reasons, inheritance etc), I would remain Ms MySurname and would still refer to my DP as 'partner'.

mawbroon · 30/11/2009 13:28

We got round the "partner" thing before we got married by me referring to my then DP (now DH) as my "bidie in".

An underused Scottish phrase referring to a live in lover from the days back when it was a scandal to co-habit.

Tolalola · 30/11/2009 13:30

Laughing my head off at ViveLeCliche and 'loverrrr' and thinking of brilliantly poncey Christmas parties coming up. (Resolves to try it out at least once before 2010 as pre new year's resolution...)

Original poster
marantha · 30/11/2009 13:32

RainRaingoaway,
I agree with what you say, but then a lot of married people get quite upset when you refer to them as partners and not spouses- so you can't win.

OP posts:
RainRainGoAway · 30/11/2009 13:34

Too true, too true marantha...its a no win.

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