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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kissing on the mouth

135 replies

wellywoo · 26/11/2009 22:40

Went to visit family for the weekend and two of my DH's sisters gave DD (5 months) a big cuddle then kissed her on the mouth - a few times.
I was so angry but didn't say anything, didn't want to 'cause a scene' but now wish I had said something.
I wouldn't dream of kissing someone elses baby on the mouth.....am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Undercovamutha · 27/11/2009 14:18

YABU. Wouldn't like random strangers to do it, but no problem at all with my DSis or SILs.

Undercovamutha · 27/11/2009 14:24

Oh and btw OP, in a few months (if not before) your DD will be picking toys off the floor and chewing on them, so kisses from a family member will be the least of your hygiene problems.
FWIW, I just caught my DD having a poo on the potty whilst reading one of DSs soft baby books, which she then handed back to him to chew on

Chrysanthamum · 27/11/2009 14:25

Actually I prefer all adults to kiss babies on the cheeks or head /nose. Latent cold sores from adults can be passed to babies. My cm used to kiss ds1 on the lips as a toddler and although I did not say anything I cringed every time. I don't think you're being unreasonable although it might be difficult to broach the issue with inlaws.

MadameDuBain · 27/11/2009 14:31

It makes me uncomfortable but I think that's partly because I grew up in a household with sexual inappropriateness and very blurred boundaries and so there was something dodgy about it IME. I can see that it's generally innocent, but I don't like it. DS would (he's 4), but I try to make it cheek-kissing instead.

I would never kiss someone else's baby on the mouth (even a relative) - just on the head.

EdgarAllenPoo · 27/11/2009 14:32

YABU.

i have trained my kids to kiss (i prefer it to hitting, though that may be more hygenic..)

MadameDuBain · 27/11/2009 14:33

I should add we are a very affectionate family though, lots of hugging (my own DP and DS that is - don't like hugging my siblings and mum but do it under duress). I don't think these two things are the same issue at all.

traceybath · 27/11/2009 14:41

I agree with Lenin - just never kiss my children on the mouth.

And was never kissed on mouth as a child.

I do find it a bit odd whem mil does kiss children on the mouth but I would never say anything.

So yanbu.

ilovepiccolina · 27/11/2009 14:46

YANBU.

I hug & kiss my own & ILs dch, and they do mine, but never on the mouth. It wouldn't enter my head to kiss anyone other than DH on the mouth. Seems odd to me.

Although if my ILs did kiss my dch on the mouth, I wouldn't say anything for fear of upsetting someone, but I can't ever imagine it happening. Never has. Would be weird.

Sexonlegs · 27/11/2009 14:53

Yanbu.It is personal choice (obviously) but I am not comfortable with anyone kissing the dd's on the lips. Dh and I don't even kiss them on the lips; doesn't mean to say we love them any less.

CarmenSanDiego · 27/11/2009 15:17

Diseases spread by kissing (the main culprits are various herpes viruses, but glandular fever, hand foot and mouth and even hepatitis are possibilities.)

I did hear an interesting theory though that a breastfeeding mother should kiss her babies a lot, because then the mother acquires the baby's germs and viruses and can manufacture immune responses for them and feed them back to the baby. Not sure how much truth there is in that, but I like the theory!

iggypiggy · 27/11/2009 15:27

YANBU.

How odd... I never understand why people kiss children on the mouth - it would freak me out a bit - i have seen people doing it and it makes me feel v. uncomfortable.

Is just the way i was brought up I guess - but I can't get past the fact that to me a mouth kiss is something associated with lovers as a previous poster said.

I realise others view it differently - but I can't really change the way it makes me feel.

Longtalljosie · 27/11/2009 15:42

Well, Welly - as you can see, you're not alone in feeling this, but just as many people think it's entirely normal.

So what are you going to do - accuse your sisters-in-law of behaving inappropriately? That'll make the family Christmas go with a swing...

It's not what you'd do but it's completely normal, so if I were you I'd just leave it be.

mrsjammi · 27/11/2009 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

iggypiggy · 27/11/2009 15:59

Is nothing to do with it beign a 'sad world'

it is all to do with how you were brought up and how you therefore view it.

I guess that opinions won't change over the years cos 50% of the population will do it and continue to and the remaining 50% won't

bumpsoon · 27/11/2009 16:00

Im not sure id be angry at someone showing affection to my baby ,but perhaps im far too laidback

colditz · 27/11/2009 16:03

Assuming they didn't slip her a bit of tongue - yabvu

Sn0wflake · 27/11/2009 16:18

I think you have to let it go but I can see where you are coming from. I always hated that my grandparents would kiss me on the mouth when I was a kid. It was revolting to me....but they would have been hurt if I let on. I'm a kiss on both cheeks sort of girl.

I think more people should think about whether the child likes it or not.

motherbeyond · 27/11/2009 16:19

chocs2g and jellybeans Get.A.Grip!!!!!!

thrush and coldsores from kissing!seriously,what are the chances?!!
you do know dont you,that some children(my ds,when teeny)just,get,oral thrush?
am sure your friend didn't give it to him,what a strange and random accusation!

and...i'm sure if you noticed your friend had a horrible scabby coldsore on their lip..you wouldn't have allowed them to kiss your dc(and im sure they wouldn't have tried to offer one)...

so,how do you know they got the coldsore virus from them?i got coldsores as a child,never once did my mum say " damn you aunty sheila,it's your fault!!" it's just unlucky.

people are soooooooo weird and over-protective.
i love getting kisses from my babies.i also kiss my mum on the lips,and my gran.everyone else gets the cheek (apart from dh,obv!)

but if my friends dc's pucker up,i will oblige, without a moments thought.

why must we over-analyse bloody EVERYTHING!

motherbeyond · 27/11/2009 16:22

oh, and i agree with whoever said that to equate a child's kiss on the lips with that of a lover is sick....yes it certainly is..sick..sick and wrong and frankly,perplexing

iggypiggy · 27/11/2009 16:33

motherbeyond I think that saying it is sick because you think is fine is a bit OTT - I can't help that I don't like it - in fact I remember a conversation i had with my mum and we were toally freaked out about the way people do this.

I think we all have to accept that people have v. different views on this depending on their own version of 'normal' as they grew up. It is not wrong or sick to kiss a child on the mouth - but i wouldn't do it cos it seems v. odd to me.

anyway - in response to the OP - i agree with snowflake - I think you just gonna have to deal with it - even though i think YANBU.

thesecondcoming · 27/11/2009 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherbeyond · 27/11/2009 16:51

well,that's a different conversation then isn't it,Iggypiggy?!

if you think it's odd because that's not what happenend in your family.then fair enough.but saying it's the same as kissing a lover on the mouth IS sick..imo.

look,i've had my fair share of dodging old relies trying to kiss me with their stubbly lips (and thats just the ladies!)and their fag breath...gross,i know..but y'know,some people are just like that.

i have an uncle who even now tries to kiss me on the lips and i hate it,i usually am able to pre-empt it and turn my cheek at the last second!

but,ds's,sil's,gps kissing your dc? i think it's very lovely that they want to lavish affection on them in such a way.when they're a bit older the dc's will go "errr!ged off!" if they don't like it..just like me!

spicemonster · 27/11/2009 16:57

Lovers = tongues. Lips = family.

Although my DS has a very disconcerting habit of sticking his tongue out when he kisses me

Those of you who are anti-lip kissing, what do you do when your DC tries to kiss you on the lips? Do you proffer a cheek instead? Seems a bit Victorian to me

GibbonInARibbon · 27/11/2009 16:59

They shake their hands spice (then wash them afterwards)

LeninGrad · 27/11/2009 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.