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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kissing on the mouth

135 replies

wellywoo · 26/11/2009 22:40

Went to visit family for the weekend and two of my DH's sisters gave DD (5 months) a big cuddle then kissed her on the mouth - a few times.
I was so angry but didn't say anything, didn't want to 'cause a scene' but now wish I had said something.
I wouldn't dream of kissing someone elses baby on the mouth.....am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 27/11/2009 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarmenSanDiego · 27/11/2009 00:15

YANBU. It's your baby and it's a bit yucky (and germy) for other people to be kissing her on the mouth.

scottishmummy · 27/11/2009 00:17

how curiously uptight to declare mouth no-no. so what age is permissible then?18-19months?/years?

or do you just deny a loving kiss and shirk a well intentioned smacker on the mouth

jasper · 27/11/2009 00:18

yabu and pleasantly nutty

meltedchocolate · 27/11/2009 00:21

How crushed would you feel if you were told not to kiss your niece when going in for one?

I would be devestated and annoyed. My bro and sis wouldn't do that to me though so it's ok.

LeninGrad · 27/11/2009 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad · 27/11/2009 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaloki · 27/11/2009 00:28

I'm joining in with a YANBU.

For me it feels wrong, if a child kisses an adult or another child on the lips, fine. But for an adult to initiate a kiss on the lips, just makes me a little uncomfortable. What's wrong with a kiss on the cheek?

I'm with the earlier poster who said kissing on lips is for lovers.

meltedchocolate · 27/11/2009 00:30

Kaloki does that include parents?

MinkyBorage · 27/11/2009 00:31

yabu for thinking that you should have said something after it happened, but yanbu for not liking it. I hate it, it is so intimate, and also unhygenic, but tbh, not worth causing trouble over

Kaloki · 27/11/2009 00:33

"Kaloki does that include parents?"

For me personally yes. Maybe that makes me weird, but my family were never that affectionate, so it seems a bit off to me. I have no problem with other people kissing their own kids though.

MinkyBorage · 27/11/2009 00:34

maybe next time, you actually could say to your DD (who I know is 5 months so will not understand) something along the lines of "now give aunty snoggy a lovely kiss on her cheek, there you go, good girl" etc etc, that might get the message across

brightongirldownunder · 27/11/2009 00:54

Don't you think its more unhygenic for your baby to play with other babies toys/animals/ on the floor? I can't believe that anyone with anything germy would kiss a child on the lips.
If it had been a non family member I might have found it a bit weird..but sisters in law? Agree its about your upbringing, though.
I have the opposite problem in that DD wants to kiss EVERYONE on the lips.

meltedchocolate · 27/11/2009 00:54

Kaloki i wrote something back for you and it has disapeared. I think it is sick to connect a lovers kiss with a parent kissing their child. It is not the same kind of kiss for one thing!

LastTrainToNowhere · 27/11/2009 01:04

How is it unhygienic for a relative to kiss a baby's lips? If they have a cold sore or man-flu then fair enough, that's yucky. But surely a healthy adult isn't going to affect the baby's health? They'll pick up more germs just sitting in the GP's surgery waiting for their jabs! Germ-paranoia gone mad, I say.

And for those who equate kissing on the mouth to a lover's kiss, all I have to say is FFS!

CarmenSanDiego · 27/11/2009 01:11

Point is, kissing is a symbolic act. Different people will attach different meanings to it and there's no real right or wrong.

The OP is uncomfortable with it and as its her baby and the baby currently is not able to speak its own wishes, she has a right to say 'Actually, I'm not comfortable with that.'

If you and your family are all happy kissing each other on the mouth, then great but I don't see a need for all the snarky 'uptight' comments.

LastTrainToNowhere · 27/11/2009 02:14

You're right CarmenSD, it is a personal choice. It is completely all right to choose not to do it, or resent family for doing it. But to equate a parent's kiss to a lover's kiss displays a very warped view of the world. They are the ones being "uptight", n'est ce pas?

spicemonster · 27/11/2009 03:03

Presumably the OP's DH doesn't mind if his sisters kiss his baby on the lips (on the basis that they were all brought up like that) so perhaps the OP and her DH should have a conversation about it

I think YABU but I accept that not everyone is as affectionate as I've been brought up to be

CarmenSanDiego · 27/11/2009 04:18

LTTN, I don't personally equate a parent's kiss to a lover's kiss. I kiss my babies on the lips. But I don't like more distant family to do so.

But, that's because the meaning I attach to lip kissing is that it's very intimate. I don't believe that level of intimacy is appropriate for uncles, aunts etc.

But it's all a matter of culture, family and upbringing. I'm quite happy with other people having all and sundry kissing their babies if they want. I'm also quite happy with people not kissing their babies on the lips because they feel it's inappropriate.

It's down to personal choice. I don't think it's fair to call people uptight if they don't feel comfortable with someone touching or kissing their baby in a certain way (or if they see mouth kissing as a lover's kiss.)

BalloonSlayer · 27/11/2009 08:20

I think a hundred years ago kissing was almost always done on the lips, none of this "peck on the cheek" stuff.

I recall hearing a story about the execution of a conscientious objector during WW1, , where he asked the priest to kiss him on the lips. I thought; blimey, no one would ask that nowadays.

Having said all that, my 2.3 year old grabs me by the ears and plants a kiss on my mouth - and as the other two never did that I find it makes me a little uncomfortable but would never try to stop him.

porcamiseria · 27/11/2009 09:05

eh? YABVVVVU

I think we sometimes forget that there are other people in our childrens worlds, not just us. as whilst we are never going to 100% agree with their ways, to cut them out does our kids no favours

SpawnChorus · 27/11/2009 09:13

YABU

However my FIL and GrandFIL both make a bee-line for my lips, which I do find a bit squicky.

motherlovebone · 27/11/2009 09:14

YANBU!

DD grandma used to kiss her on the mouth with her coffee fags breath and i didnt approve.

i have never kissed my children on the mouth, nor did my parents kiss us on the mouth.
seems a question of upbringing.

HSMM · 27/11/2009 09:14

YANBU - we give our DD lots of kisses, but not on the mouth. We know so many adults and children with cold sores that it is just not worth it. You can show a child you love them without kissing them on the mouth and sharing cold sores or any other germs with them.

pyjamalama · 27/11/2009 09:17

YABU. People are so bound up in what they want, what feels right for them, no thought of how others feel. It just horrifies me that people would think that in this situation it would be OK to say to your loving family 'That makes me feel uncomfortable, please don't do it again" (presumably with cats-bum face) over something so lovely as a kiss for a relative. When did we turn into a society where we are all so precious about our own 'feelings' that we can't acknowledge anyone elses?

Someone said further up that they hated seeing babies kissed on the lips, that it was 'intimate and unhygenic'. That is one of the saddest things I have ever read.

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