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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about what happened at doctors today?

110 replies

flabbyapronbelly · 26/11/2009 17:53

Sorry as this will be long, but not sure what to do regarding what happened to me today at my doctor's.
Was going to have the coil fitted having asked for it over 3 months ago at my DS 8 week check.
Following this had another meeting with Dr, an appointment with nurse for swabs and then today it was actually being fitted.
So arrived on time, with my DS and DD who is 3.7. Nurse started muttering that she didn't think that doc could do it as had dd with me and started getting rather hostile. I said I didn't realise and mentioned that whilst preg she had been with me when had stretch and sweep and midwife had just kept her head end. She then said she would go and check with dr but didn't think she would do it. I said I was sorry but didn't realise as hadn't been told. She then said most people knew not to bring child again in a hostile way. I mentioned I didn't realise it was quite such a procedure. She told me to go and wait outside in waiting room. I sat near the reception. A couple of minutes later she came back, didn't look at me and went up to receptionist and said in a very eyebrows raised way " you don't mind looking after TWO children as she's having her COIL fitted". I was lipreading and could hear what she was saying. Anyway, cue dd shortly after being taken off to find something to play with, buggy parked in with receptionist. Went to the procedures room and I mentioned I didn't appreciate her tone and that she told the recptionist and she denied it. I also said that she doesn't know my situation and that it is not easy to find childcare. I was getting quite upset by this point, but just getting teary really.
Now I've written all this down it doesn't sound too awful, but at the time, her tone and the way the nurse went about it made me really embarassed.
Now I want to put it to MN. Was i BU to take dd with me? In the lead up to the appt was not mentioned could not bring children. Or am I BU and completely thick to have not even thought about dd being with me as had honestly not crossed my mind. Should I make a complaint about the nurse for amongst other things breaching confidentiality even though she denied it straight afterwards? Tell me good people!

OP posts:
chattermouse · 26/11/2009 17:56

I think that receptionist was an uncharitable biatch who breached confidentiality. YANBU. Have a large gin and tonic to help you forget the upset

EvilTwins · 26/11/2009 17:58

YANBU for being upset at the tone of the nurse and the way she and receptionist behaved (receptionists can be a law unto themselves, can they not...?) BUT I DO think you were U to take DD along to have a coil fitted. Seriously - had you not done any research? When I had mine fitted, it was thoroughly unpleasant, not to mention painful. There were two people (dr and nurse) in the room with me, so it was a bit crowded anyway. It's not the receptionist's job to look after your children, I'm afraid, and even a tiny bit of research, or asking around would have told you that it's not the kind of thing to take your kids along to.

However, it doesn't excuse the unprofessional attitude of the staff at the surgery. Don't put a complaint in though - that would be way OTT.

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 26/11/2009 17:58

I would complain to the practise manager because she lied which I think is terribly unprofessional.

Sorry you had a tough day.

PrincessToadstool · 26/11/2009 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trafficcone · 26/11/2009 18:05

Seriously? You'd have been turned away at my surgery. You don't take small kids to an appointment like that.

Original poster
flabbyapronbelly · 26/11/2009 18:06

Thanks for quick replies. Def like idea of alcohol! I didn't expect receptionist to look after kids btw. Just honestly hadn't thought it through or done research on it. Thought might be similar to stretch and sweep and dd at that.

OP posts:
hanaboo · 26/11/2009 18:06

i would have insisted dd come in with me anyway surely its up to you if you don't mind your child being present

Seuss · 26/11/2009 18:06

I don't think you were being unreasonable. If you didn't have a problem with your dd being there I don't see why anyone else should and as you say she could have been kept head end. Wouldn't bother me - ds had to come to most of my pregnancy checks and it probably wouldn't have occured to me either!

Even if they didn't want to do it whilst dd was there it was still a genuine mis-understanding and there was no need to be rude or hostile.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 26/11/2009 18:08

I'd love to know what they expected you to do with your dc while you had the coil fitted? Some people don't have childcare on tap, and really struggle to find someone to watch their kids while they have dr's appointments - and even if there are people who'll watch the kids if your dc are like my ds (a proper handful, tbh) I would have to think twice about foisting him on anyone.

If children are not allowed at the appointment then it should be mentioned at the time of making of the appointment - in the same way that some trusts don't allow children in the room when a woman is having a pregnancy scan, it's spelled out very clearly when the appointment's made.

I wouldn't put a complaint in, though. Too much hassle! Just have a large glass of wine and a load of Galaxy and try and forget about it.

chattermouse · 26/11/2009 18:08

Ok, so the nurse is a biatch. Even worse really as you would expect the nurse to be more aware of confidentiality etc.

I'll let the receptionist off....

Dumbledoresgirl · 26/11/2009 18:11

Oh complain, why shouldn't you? It will make you feel better I suspect.

I have never had a coil fitted, but I have taken my children when going for smear tests, and, as you say, they just sat at the head end or played on the floor.

It may well have been a foolish thing to take a child to a coil fitting, but, that being the case, you should have been informed not to take her in advance.

callmeovercautious · 26/11/2009 18:12

YANBU - and I would have kept them with me - as you say head end with a pack of buttons is fine imo.

VengefulKitty · 26/11/2009 18:13

traffic - seriously? You would have been turned away?

I have taken DS to near enough all of my appt's - inc. having coil fitted and removed (when doc discovered there were TWO in there, but that's anther story).

Never had a problem taking DS and I have been at two surgeries. All the GP rooms have toys and the bed/trolley area has a curtain that can be pulled round. DS has always been left playing on the floor with the toys whilst I am behind the curtain with the room door locked.

Same goes for nurse area.

I don't see why this is a problem. As a healthcare worker myself we know we have to take parents childcare problems into account and make allowances.

Bloody ridiculous to take that attitude IMO.

ThingOneofYourNightmares · 26/11/2009 18:13

It sounds to me if the nurse was a bit rude but I am surprised that you hadn't thought about asking a friend to look after your three year old while you were there. It's not unreasonable for the nurse to expect you to have worked this one out.

Yes, she breached confidentiality telling the receptionist why she needed her help but it's not a biggie, is it? I wouldn't complain on the grounds that they did help you out, even if they were grumpy about it.

I agree with the have a gin and tonic and forget about it!

VengefulKitty · 26/11/2009 18:16

Oh, and I meant to say - the nurse's tone of voice and behaviour was unacceptable. You are within your rights to complain should you feel you want to.

She made you feel uncomfortable to say the least and that is the total opposite of what she should have done.

She could easily have said, friendly, that you should have been informed that it is not appropriate for the children and she would ask the receptionist to mind them.

No need for hostility.

halfdozen · 26/11/2009 18:17

You are perfectly entitled to take anyone you want with you when you see your GP, fitting a coil can be tricky and if a toddler is climbing all over you then it may not be possible to do it. However, it should be left to the GP to decide with you what to do based on how you think your child will behave. Secretaries and receptionists are well used to looking after children in this situation.

Nursey definitely gets 10/10 for making you feel nice and relaxed before your coil fitting!!!

Original poster
flabbyapronbelly · 26/11/2009 18:18

Thanks Tafka. Absolutely what I think! DD had come to all my preg appointments, scans, late preg procedures etc and honestly didn't think twice. We are very open about things and regularly have baths together etc so didn't really see a prob with it. Bottle of wine for when kids are in bed to look forward to

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 26/11/2009 18:23

Wouldn't have been allowed this with children at our surgery, or a smear or anything.

Is a nightmare trying to coordinate doc appts with times when my mum can help out, plus getting the timing right re BF etc. i think they would let a small baby in, but pushchairs not allowed in the building, so there's nowhere to put them while procedure is done.

YANBU the receptionist was rude. Next time ask whether children allowed.

CarGirl · 26/11/2009 18:24

my coil fitting took about 5 mins at most and I had my youngest with me as she was only 3 weeks at the time!

Original poster
flabbyapronbelly · 26/11/2009 18:29

Yep def not relaxed before appointment. Ended up not having it fitted anyway as had also not realised/ remembered not allowed to have sex for 3 weeks before and have been. oops! Have made a complete tit of myself at the surgery after all that hassle. Thanks everyone. have got a bit of closure now and will make sure think through logistics more clearly in future!

OP posts:
jybay · 26/11/2009 18:40

Nurse's tone and attitude were unacceptable but, as a doctor, I MIGHT have declined to do it with a small child present. They are - - as we all know - quite distracting and inserting a coil can be a tricky procedure with serious consequences if it goes wrong. The coil-fitter needs to be able to concentrate for your own safety as the patient.

A coil totally different from doing a smear which is usually very straight-forward: the worse that can happen is you can't see the cervix.

However, it depends very much on the individual circumstances. A small child totally flaked out in a buggy would be fine. I would have no hesitation in declining to go ahead with the coil if I thought a child would distract me though. My primary responsibility is the patient's safety.

Doesn't excuse the rudeness though.

Ladyanonymous · 26/11/2009 18:50

I would not take children to a coil fitting YABU....the nurse was also BU and rude and she was out of line...

No sex for 3 weeks?? Seriously?? I have had 4 coils and have never been asked not to have sex or refrained from it for 3 weeks beforehand...jsu had to go in at the ned of period therefore deffo not pg...??

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 26/11/2009 18:53

Your child, your vagina. You should be able to choose whether or not you have your child there.

FabIsVeryLucky · 26/11/2009 18:55

I think people need to realise that some times you literally have no one to have the children for you. I had to take an 8 month old and a 2 year old for my smear and the 2 year old came in the room with me. She wouldn't have stayed with a stranger and I wouldn't have made her. She was fine on a chair behind the curtain.

OP - I do think you should write a letter. Even if you were naive to think you could take the child there was no need for the rudeness.

posieparker · 26/11/2009 19:02

A little naive to take your dd but not deserving of a shitty tone from anyone really.

YANBU, coils are not the nicest things anyway but to add hostility in the mix is awful, poor you.