to be upset about what happened at doctors today?

[flabbyapronbelly]

Sorry as this will be long, but not sure what to do regarding what happened to me today at my doctor's.
Was going to have the coil fitted having asked for it over 3 months ago at my DS 8 week check.
Following this had another meeting with Dr, an appointment with nurse for swabs and then today it was actually being fitted.
So arrived on time, with my DS and DD who is 3.7. Nurse started muttering that she didn't think that doc could do it as had dd with me and started getting rather hostile. I said I didn't realise and mentioned that whilst preg she had been with me when had stretch and sweep and midwife had just kept her head end. She then said she would go and check with dr but didn't think she would do it. I said I was sorry but didn't realise as hadn't been told. She then said most people knew not to bring child again in a hostile way. I mentioned I didn't realise it was quite such a procedure. She told me to go and wait outside in waiting room. I sat near the reception. A couple of minutes later she came back, didn't look at me and went up to receptionist and said in a very eyebrows raised way " you don't mind looking after TWO children as she's having her COIL fitted". I was lipreading and could hear what she was saying. Anyway, cue dd shortly after being taken off to find something to play with, buggy parked in with receptionist. Went to the procedures room and I mentioned I didn't appreciate her tone and that she told the recptionist and she denied it. I also said that she doesn't know my situation and that it is not easy to find childcare. I was getting quite upset by this point, but just getting teary really.
Now I've written all this down it doesn't sound too awful, but at the time, her tone and the way the nurse went about it made me really embarassed.
Now I want to put it to MN. Was i BU to take dd with me? In the lead up to the appt was not mentioned could not bring children. Or am I BU and completely thick to have not even thought about dd being with me as had honestly not crossed my mind. Should I make a complaint about the nurse for amongst other things breaching confidentiality even though she denied it straight afterwards? Tell me good people!

I have often found that Doctors surgeries are not child friendly. I regularly took my young son with me when I had to have smears etc as I had no one to leave him with. The nurses were find and just gave him a little job to do like hold the curtain shut. The nurse and the receptionist should not have 'judged' you but rather worked with you to make the best of the situation and ensure that you and your child went away happy. They are meant to be running a service industry. Having a coil fitted is stressful enough without them adding to your burden.

What Ginnybug said. I used to work at a GP surgery too.

Speaking as someone who once took her ds to a sex therapy session ( - funnily enough was turned away) there's no reason to expect you to understand a dr's pov without warning. Though of course any professional has got a right to refuse children being present if safety would potentially be compromised.

I don't think YABU

I assume the children were in a buggy / behaving and not racing around leaping on the Doctor

I've taken mine to smears and all sorts of gynae appointments, not to mention eyebrow waxing...

I can see what you are saying Nappy. I have a nightmare sometimes trying to get childcare for DS and DD when I need to.

It is tricky, but it is also a clinical proceedure and there should be a point where the person who is doing the proceedure has the final say about how it is conducted, regardless of what the patients childcare circumstances are. And if a DC is a handful,that surely is an even better reason not to have him/her in the surgery for a medical proceedure.
Some of the near misses I have had with this in the past, fingers in sockets, abandoning things half way through as the dc is screaming etc means that I really am firm about this.

DS has been fine at doctor's appointments. The way he is a handful is that he pinches/scratches/bites/pulls hair/hits other children.

'If you had to go into hospital then SS would step in and ensure your children are looked after'

actually na they refused me that when I was pg (I wasnt sure dh would get back- workedaway)

they justsaid no, we didnt qualify

Children were being very good. Baby was asleep in buggy and daughter is always very good at the dr's. For the 10 mins i was away from her, she was also excellent and was sat there colouring away when I got out of the appt

It depends on the child- a sleeping baby wouldn't be a problem but a bouncy toddler would certainly be a huge distraction. It is up to the dr/ nurse as to whether they can proceed safely, a coil fitting is completely different to a smear in terms of possible complications. The great majority of mums can definitely find childcare for half an hour with a couple of weeks notice.
vulture- the GP is providing medical services not a childcare service.
In this case, the nurse was unprofessional and rude so I do think you should speak to the practice manager or write a letter.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind not to take my children with me. I don't have child care on tap - my friends have enough of their own children to look after & no relatives are very close.

I think you are right to be annoyed at the way the nurse spoke to you and made you feel.
She was being unprofessional.

Ginnybag's post is good. The point is not whether it was appropriate to have them there or not, but whether this was explained to you. I always take the DC's with me to appointments at the GP, unless I'm told otherwise. You should have been warned, and there's no excuse for the nurse being rude!

YANBU

She should not have discussed your appointment in the reception area. She could have been far more discreet and asked to speak to the receptionist in private. And if her manner was off then thats not on!

I had 3 children with me at my annual smear. The nurse was a bit taken aback but completely understood when I said DH working away and no family so it was either come with the entourage or not at all.

Anyway, don't your Drs put a blanket/sheet over your lap/knees to preserve your modesty? If your kids are up the head end and they cover you up then your kids can't see anything.

peachy perhaps it was because you had a DH I don't know? I would presume if you were single they could not refuse but again I don't know for definite.

YANBU. I took my Dd(over 2 years old) with me on several occasions when the doc had to try to dig mine out.
I also took Ds to hospital when he was about 4 to have my cervical erosion sorted. I told hiom I had a sore leg! It was fine and no one ever commented or got shirty about it with me.

she was a bit rude- it goes with the job-

you were a bit sensitive

she sorted it out for you

you got the coil fitted

move on

As I have noted on another thread, under the current NHS contract, GPs get extra 'special payments' for fitting coils and associated 'counselling' (persuasion?). Was I think around £75 a few yrs ago, now higher (you can google the contract somewhere). So they have a financial incentive to do it, and were actually making rather more dosh out of your visit than if you had just had say a bad cold or were getting the pill. Maybe the nurse should be reminded of this - it's quite a decent fee for looking after a child for a short time!

I had to take my younger child to the GP with me when I had a gynae issue a while ago - I always thought it was what those toys in the corner of the room were for (or do the docs and nurses play with them between apptmts?).

Not read all the posts as have a squirmy BFing baby on my lap. However, I would complain to the surgery that you clearly received no information about the procedure and were not informed that you shouldn't bring children with you. Therefore leaving you in the embarrassing situation of being 'told off' by the nurse and having to leave your children with the receptionist.

Sorry if someone else has said similar.

yes, i know nothing about this but would have assumed it was similar to a smear.
Also the breach of confidence in front of waiting patients - can't believe most people are saying this is no big deal!!

bellissima- the fee is for providing a contraceptive service, in this case coil fitting NOT a babysitting service. Why does it surprise you so much that GPs are actually paid for providing medical services? I don't think the OP mentioned anything about being persuaded/ forced to have a coil so can't see the relevance of your post.
As already explained on this thread, there is a difference between smears/ gynae examinations and fitting a coil, which is a minor surgical procedure.

hmm - they're paid an incentive to do what many consider to be part of their job!!

anyway, that's getting away from the point of the thread

Fitting coils aren't part of a normal GPs job, you need special training that the GP would have to pay for and special instruments and it takes time. Some GPs don't do it and those patients go to family planning clinics. It is a minor surgical procedure, not a normal GP service.
GPs get paid an incentive for most things now anyway, that's the way the funding of the service works so if a GP saw no patients and did no blood tests, bp checks etc they wouldn't get paid very much. I think dentists pay structure is similar. The pay has to pay for the receptionsists, heating lighting, rental etc.
I think some people assume GPs just get paid an amount each month regardless of what they do.

I'd probably have rung first and said 'look I can't get childcare, could someone watch the kids whilst I have my coil fit?' Ours don't mind watching kids and I was a receptionist in a doctor's for a shirt while and we loved it when we got to look after toddlers and babies.

She shouldn't have spoken to you or about you the way that she did. I'd complain if I were you. She clearly has no common decency.

All this makes me glad I never had a coil. It sounds horrible!

GP's are paid extra special payments for coils - not other contraceptives. Look it up if you don't believe me. They get rather more for coils as part of policy to increase the use of coils in this country (higher Scandinavian rates are cited). Personally I think that under the new GP contract they are paid quite a lot on a per capita basis thank you very much and should give unbiased advice on medicine and matters such as contraceptive choices without being 'guided' in their views by extra incentive payments. I have certainly been positively pressurised to have a coil (which, although I know other women find great, I categorically don't want) since the new contract came in, and on another thread a MNer told how a GP refused to take one out until she said she wanted his words in writing! The extra payments include a part for 'counselling' so that if the OP had (as it appears) not been made aware exactly what fitting involved then she would certainly have good grounds for complaint on that regard alone.

Dentists are paid on a per capita basis for children (ie according to the number on their list) on the NHS - this was brought in to stop the old 'drilling and filling' that came about when they were paid for piece work. For adults the NHS contract for dentists is markedly less generous than that for GPs - hence their refusal sometimes to take adults on the NHS.