to be upset about what happened at doctors today?

[flabbyapronbelly]

Sorry as this will be long, but not sure what to do regarding what happened to me today at my doctor's.
Was going to have the coil fitted having asked for it over 3 months ago at my DS 8 week check.
Following this had another meeting with Dr, an appointment with nurse for swabs and then today it was actually being fitted.
So arrived on time, with my DS and DD who is 3.7. Nurse started muttering that she didn't think that doc could do it as had dd with me and started getting rather hostile. I said I didn't realise and mentioned that whilst preg she had been with me when had stretch and sweep and midwife had just kept her head end. She then said she would go and check with dr but didn't think she would do it. I said I was sorry but didn't realise as hadn't been told. She then said most people knew not to bring child again in a hostile way. I mentioned I didn't realise it was quite such a procedure. She told me to go and wait outside in waiting room. I sat near the reception. A couple of minutes later she came back, didn't look at me and went up to receptionist and said in a very eyebrows raised way " you don't mind looking after TWO children as she's having her COIL fitted". I was lipreading and could hear what she was saying. Anyway, cue dd shortly after being taken off to find something to play with, buggy parked in with receptionist. Went to the procedures room and I mentioned I didn't appreciate her tone and that she told the recptionist and she denied it. I also said that she doesn't know my situation and that it is not easy to find childcare. I was getting quite upset by this point, but just getting teary really.
Now I've written all this down it doesn't sound too awful, but at the time, her tone and the way the nurse went about it made me really embarassed.
Now I want to put it to MN. Was i BU to take dd with me? In the lead up to the appt was not mentioned could not bring children. Or am I BU and completely thick to have not even thought about dd being with me as had honestly not crossed my mind. Should I make a complaint about the nurse for amongst other things breaching confidentiality even though she denied it straight afterwards? Tell me good people!

I personally wouldn't have had DC with me for a coil fitting or any other procedure. You need to let staff concentrate on what's going on and if you take children along it does cause problems. YABU but at the same time I can appreciate it is difficult to get childcare at times.

If it makes you feel better write to the practice manager if what happened today really has upset you. The practice manager will then phone you and discuss a way around this and she will probably speak to the nurse who had planned to fit the coil in.

I had to write a letter of complaint ealier this year to the practice I am with, and the complaint was dealt with quickly and professionally. Different situation but I felt better after I'd brought what happened to their attention. Sometimes you need closure.

"Your child, your vagina. You should be able to choose whether or not you have your child there."

Sorry but that is very silly. It is for the person doing the procedure to decide whether it is safe to go ahead. This is not about entitlement: it is about safety. Would you expect to be able to take your child into the operating theatre?

Coils are mostly straight-forward but a misplaced coil can perforate the uterus, causing peritonitis and sepsis. It is nothing like a smear which is very simple and safe. It amazes me that people who clearly do not understand the important differences between these procedures think that they should be able to lay down the law about bringing a child in. (I don't mean you OP - I can understand that it just hadn't occured to you that there would be a problem).

Of course you can take your children with you. It's up to you.
I have taken my ds to dentists, hairdressers, chiropractor, massage
I have to take him everywhere as I am a single parent with no family nearby.

The only way YABU is in saying it doesn't sound too bad now you have written it down. Complain to the practice manager.

I think our GP says no to kids

Which for me means no coil (ah to be those people with any childcare they can access).

There's an argument for (as my old surgery did) running clinics for this sort of thing in the evenings or weekends when people aremore likely to have spouses or partners about (I have two asdkids for example,loads of parent carers like me about without help apart from their partner).

But again that depends on surgery set up, some work extended hours and others do not.

OP is there a family planning clinic near you that you could access?

"I have taken my ds to dentists, hairdressers, chiropractor, massage"

Does having your haircut or a massage carry a risk of a potentially fatal complication? I'm thinking not.

'Your child, Your vagina' eh!?

I work in healthcare and I always ask parents to try and not bring dcs in when I am doing a procedure.
Even the best behaved children (and I am sorry, many are not) can be a distraction when trying to do something tricky. I have looked up once and saw a 3 year old trying to climb a cabinet towards a sharps bin on the side. In the case he was injured, who's liability would that be?

And in my case, fitting my coil was very painful with blood (as I has a 'tight os'!?) and it would have been distressing for my dc.

I think the staff were rude and a short letter would suffice. Surgery staff should be picked up on this kind of rudeness and everyone treated with kindness.

YANBU to feel that it was badly handled but YABU to take a toddler to such an appointment. What exactly would have happened if your child had got upset whilst a doctor was carrying out such a procedure ? Carried on through the screaming ? Or he/she had clambered on a chair and fallen off while you were there legs akimbo ? and whilst the receptionist was babysitting your kids, she was no doubt being slagged off elsewhere for not answering the phone in time Most family planning clinics offer evening appointments if you struggle with childcare in the day - perhaps make enquiries about that ?

Potentially fatal??

I thought inserting a coil was rather like doing a smear test? It hasn't come up but I'd simply take my toddler with me to my next smear test rather than try to arrange childcare or hog a precious Saturday appt. Would never occur to me not to - he likes the doctors surgery and it's not like he doesn't see me on the toilet every day... even if he got upset the procedure is under a minute.

If inserting a coil is truly a lot more complex than say a smear, they ought to warn patients as I doubt most women would know otherwise.

So YANBU.

no id say not to take a youngster for a procedure like this.

and why should the gp's receptionist be expected to turn childminder? id have really thought it was common sense tbh, or at least to have asked if it was ok to take a child along.

i used to take my kids to the dentist if it was a check up etc - ive had small gynea procedures done in the past - cortary etc - i would not have dreamt of taking my children with me. i think its a bit bizarre tbh. would you take your kids along when you have teeth extractions or minor sugery?

and ive never ever had child care either. no parents and no IL's.

I think you'll find that women are warned of the potential complications before having a coil. If you're never had one, it's not surprising that you haven't been told!

The main risk is of perforating the uterus. As long as this is recognised, it can usually be treated before serious harm is done, but an unrecognised perforation can be very dangerous.

All hormonal contraceptions carry some risks: the only totally safe methods are condoms (assuming you are not allergic to latex) and diaphragms. However, you have to bear in mind that all methods of contraception are considerably safer than pregnancy.

It shouldn't have been handled like that but YABU.

Having a coil fitted is considered as minor surgery and the fitters need to be specially trained (my doc does not do them). I had mine done at the FPC and they had signs everywhere saying you will be refused if you bring children. It can be extreamly painfull for some people and can go very wrong for some people. I had a leaflet saying not to bring children, to take painkillers before going, telling me not to drive home by myself and to allow plenty of time just to sit for a while afterwards.

You can still have sex as long as you are on the pill, just not unprotected or with a condom. That said if you arrange it for the end of period the you will be ok and afterall they are used as a late contraception, so it is your choice really.

It is a delicate procedure and if something went wrong you would have to go straight into emergency surgery, which you couldn't do with dc's in toe.

Those of you saying I've taken them to the hairdresser, smear etc. have obviously never had one fitted or I'm guessing even read about it!

Those of you saying don't have anyone to look after the dc while having it done, well who are you having sex with? Contraception is a joint problem and if the man can not take a day off (after all annual leave is a legal entitlement) with 3 months notice (because this is the average time between first appointment and fitting) then he does not deserve the sex to start with .

excellent point carrieboo!

I read Trafficone as being in charge of a surgery where she would certainly turn mothers w children away.
Maybe T can correct me if I've got that wrong, but did nobody else read it that way?

can I just say again, I did not EXPECT the receptionists to be childminders, I just assumed they would be in there with me. I guess I was just taking the whole thing too lightly - drove there and was planning on going to library and for a wander around town with the children afterwards. I didn't realise it was considered minor surgery and hadn't considered the implications. I do think this should have all been made a bit clearer at the initial session.

My gp gently suggested not taking baby with me at arranging apt. lucky she did as like op probably would not have occurred to me otherwise. dp took half day annual leave and i took it easy

YANBU. The nurse was incredibly unprofessional.
FWIW, I took my two dds (2.3 and 3mnths) when I had my coil fitted and the doc was lovely. They sat in the buggy, she gave them some toys to play with and put the curtain around me so they couldn't see what was going on but I could still reassure them that I was there.

The practice nurse speaking to the receptionist wouldn't be considered breaking confidentiality because they are both part of the practice team. Receptionists file letters, scan letters and often type letters. The receptionist is as bound by confidentiality not to tell those outside the practice as the nurse is. If the nurse or receptionist had told another patient you were having a coil fitted that would be breaking confidentiality.
A toddler is the worst age of child to bring to anything like this. Inserting a coil is definitely a minor operation, and agree partner could have been looking after her. If the doc gave you a leaflet on the coil that should have explained that. I'm surprised you didn't have to sign a consent form.

I think a patient (and by extynsion any Tom Dick or HArry)being able to lipread comments across a surgery is breaking confidentilaity.

YANBU op. I think ideally it's not the best thing for a toddler to witness, but it's just a vagina for heaven sake! Not like they are being witness to a gruesome murder!

She was rude and behaved in a way that clearly upset you. I would complain.

I recently went to the doctors and had to have a breast examination. I took my 5 yr old with me as had no child care and it was school half term. The (female) g.p looked really uncomfortable and asked if she should shut the curtains around us and leave dd to play outsode the curtain. Well dd wouldn't have that as wanted to see what was going on. I didn't see anything wrong, they're part of my body and breasts are nothing to hide from your own daughter. Dd did laugh and shout "boooobies" which was slightly embarassing, but I did think that a female g.p would be so odd about bodies.

Oh Carrieboo that made me laugh... nobody to look after the kids? Then who are yu having sex with? In fairness OP may have just met a new partner though, in which case it's fair to assumeshe wouldn't leave her kids in sole charge of someone she doesn't know that well.

She's a miserable cow O.P. Obviously got her coil fitted the wrong way Really, some people love to throw their bit of authority around; since it wasn't her DD what's her problem?

I would have felt the same as you. Have a drink and chill.

grrr, will say it again...
thought I had no need for childcare! If I had thought ahead, or of the implications like I said earler, then could have sorted something out, but not everyone would be in this situation would they?

Hando, read the posts here from health professionals. It's the child not seeing the vagina that the doctor is worried about - it's being distracted during a difficult procedure. This is an issue of patient safety.

Would you take your todder to work with you while doing an intricate and fiddly procedure that could permaently injure someone if you got it wrong? Someone who could sue you if you made a mistake, btw. Personally I find it a struggle to cook a simple meal or dig the garden with a toddler, let alone perform surgery.

I have seen women fit after having a coil fitted, so I would advise not to have small children in the room.

But I have never turned a woman away if she had small children with her.

In an ideal world, I would say no to children being in the room when a woman is having a coil fitted. But we do not live in an ideal world. And some women really do not have any childcare.

The ladies in our clinic always get a cup of tea/coffee after having a coil fitted and a sit down for 10 minutes. You cannot really do that if you are looking after young children.

I think the nurse was unreasonable to be rude.