to be upset about what happened at doctors today?

[flabbyapronbelly]

Sorry as this will be long, but not sure what to do regarding what happened to me today at my doctor's.
Was going to have the coil fitted having asked for it over 3 months ago at my DS 8 week check.
Following this had another meeting with Dr, an appointment with nurse for swabs and then today it was actually being fitted.
So arrived on time, with my DS and DD who is 3.7. Nurse started muttering that she didn't think that doc could do it as had dd with me and started getting rather hostile. I said I didn't realise and mentioned that whilst preg she had been with me when had stretch and sweep and midwife had just kept her head end. She then said she would go and check with dr but didn't think she would do it. I said I was sorry but didn't realise as hadn't been told. She then said most people knew not to bring child again in a hostile way. I mentioned I didn't realise it was quite such a procedure. She told me to go and wait outside in waiting room. I sat near the reception. A couple of minutes later she came back, didn't look at me and went up to receptionist and said in a very eyebrows raised way " you don't mind looking after TWO children as she's having her COIL fitted". I was lipreading and could hear what she was saying. Anyway, cue dd shortly after being taken off to find something to play with, buggy parked in with receptionist. Went to the procedures room and I mentioned I didn't appreciate her tone and that she told the recptionist and she denied it. I also said that she doesn't know my situation and that it is not easy to find childcare. I was getting quite upset by this point, but just getting teary really.
Now I've written all this down it doesn't sound too awful, but at the time, her tone and the way the nurse went about it made me really embarassed.
Now I want to put it to MN. Was i BU to take dd with me? In the lead up to the appt was not mentioned could not bring children. Or am I BU and completely thick to have not even thought about dd being with me as had honestly not crossed my mind. Should I make a complaint about the nurse for amongst other things breaching confidentiality even though she denied it straight afterwards? Tell me good people!

flabby ~ just wanted to say yanbu to expect to be treated with courtesy and in a way that would have maintained your confidentiality and dignity.

Some people are just a bit thoughtless and rude and this nurse was one of them.
Console yourself with the fact that she has probably behaved like this before and may well have a reputation for doing so.

Poor you what a horrid thing to happen.

I took my DS both times (first time failed ouch) to have the coil fitted as had no childcare or flexibility with appointments, he was fine, docs didn't mind.

I took both DD (4) and DS (6mo) the first time i tried to have a coil fitted, doctor had no problem with them at all.They sat quietly and the doctor just pulled the curtain over. Took DS with me to the FPC to have another go and again, none of the doctors and nurses even mentioned him being there. I guess its not ideal but a coil fitting is usually a swift and straightforward procedure so it definately wasn't unreasonable of you to take the children and the nurse was rude.

i think they nurse was quite rude and very wrong to lie to you. I would be a bit angry about that.
but because the procedure can have complications and you can get contractions literally like having a baby...and pain...i wouldnt have wanted mine to see that. Plus they have a crash trolley there for a coil fitting as it can get that complicated. Surley you wouldnt have wanted to risk a child being traumatised by that despite it being highly unlikely.

It's never ok for someone (the nurse) to be rude.

However it was not sensible to take a young child to this appointment

thanks for the more detailed info on coil fitting - I revise my opinion to the original doc being unreasonable in not explaining to the OP what to expect. And the nurse was still rude and if she really needed to give the receptionist a reason should have written it down if there's patients about.

'Those of you saying don't have anyone to look after the dc while having it done, well who are you having sex with? Contraception is a joint problem and if the man can not take a day off (after all annual leave is a legal entitlement) with 3 months notice'

Assuming your partner has an employed job

My Dh combines studying a good 90 minutes drive away (and will fail if he does not meet 90% attendance, the spare used up with sickness as he has a chronic condition) with self employed work. It's hard for him to find times to eat many days, and sometimes he doesn't manage that.

That'slife in a recession though isn't it?

UIt does mean I miss out on healthcare though as does he, I walk with a stick on occasion because my GP refused to refer me for help until I gave up BF and I couldn't get an appt to go back and argue, that's just how it is, I can hardly palm an aggressive as kid and one with asd and adhd on a neighbour.

What would you do if you went in hospital for a minor op though? You wouldn't have your kids in the ward with you and expect the nurses to childmind.
Having a coil fitted is minor surgery, just because it's held in a GP's surgery doesn't mean it's a family friendly activity.
If you have kids you have to accept that sometimes you will need to get a childminder or babysitter.
I find it odd that some people feel that once you've had kids you have to bring them everywhere with you, and it's up to other people to accommodate your kids rather than up to the parent to sort out childcare.

I don't think it is made clear to women that having a coil fitted is a big deal. I've had two and for both fittings and removal, my toddler DD came along to the apptmt. Having seen the comments on here, I now realise that I was wrong to do so, but nobody indicated it was inappropriate, DD played happily on the other side of the curtain and all was well.

So while it may not be a sensible thing if you're aware of all the facts, I would have thought most people would assume that it was equivalent to having a smear. And I've taken DD along when I've had them too!

No excuse for rudeness from nurse. (but I still wouldn't complain, maybe just suggest that they're clearer to other mums in future)

Not always 2rebecca- I had to have my ds4 at home becuae I coulodn't find a CM and SSD wopudln't help with respite.
I do have parents who can sometimes help (not always,sister has 2 small boys also and also a Dh with a possibly fatal illness so is a priority of course).

I've never expected anyone else to care for them either mind, unless paid in the cases of the non SN ones. If it were emergency surgery or similar my parents would have to cover, but mostly they have no choice but to be on call for dsis, as her dh could need a life threatening op at any moment.

I know that was to OP but sometimes its useful to flag up variations when the chance arises.

Rebecca - what would you suggest for people like myself and Peachy (Peachy to a much greater extent) who can't find childcare for their dc at short notice? Although my ds is much better recently there was a long period of time where I couldn't leave him with a friend as allmy friends have kids, and ds was a very aggressive child, especially with other kids. No-one would have him for a long time. I can only imagine it must be 100x more dificult for dc with an actual dx of ASD or ADHD.

YANBU to be upset by the nurses attitude , at the end of the day if you werent told no children and have never had a coil fitted before ,then she should of given you the benifit of the doubt . It took me 5 months to get an appointment to have mine fitted ,the family planning clinic said i was too old at 32 for most of thier appointments and i eventually had to drive to the next town 15 miles away to get it done ,the only gp at our practise capable was on maternity leave . I took DD with me ,the dr and nurse were quite happy ,she sat in her pushchair and the whole thing took about 5 minutes ,however i apparently have a very 'obligling' cervix . i think if they had refused to do it on the grounds of having DD with me i would have had a nervous breakdown ,given how long i had to wait .However i can understand from a drs point of view ,how a small child can be distracting and they were prefer it if children werent there .

Having worked in a GP's surgery, my take on this runs kinda like follows:

1. Complain about the nurse. She was rude and unprofessional. Yes, you hadn't realised you couldn't have you children with you - so what? Her only acceptable response was:

"I'm terribly sorry but the Doctor won't conduct the procedure with small children in the room. I'm afraid that should have been explained to you."

Followed by

a) We can't fit the coil today, but if you ask at Reception, they'll make another appointment.

OR

b) Let me just ask if there's anyone who'll watch the DC for you.

I agree that Receptionists are often extremely busy and can't be expected to do this, but it happens more often than you'd think and tbh, the staff where I worked were usually only too happy to coo over someone else's kids for a few minutes. It happens with lots of things, even jabs, so I wouldn't stress over that.

Agree that the receptionist would already know why you were there - it would be showing on her booking screen. Appointment lengths vary, are often colour-coded and will have notes as to why the Dr is also booked for a space. So don't worry about that.

I'd focus on the nurse - and possibly on whoever did your initila explanatory session - cause it sounds like they dropped the ball big-style on the info they gave you.

But, seriously, complain! You'd, believe it or not, actually be doing the Practice a favour by highlighting the issue. You would not believe the number of times my Reception team were almost begging patients to compain about things so that something they knew was an issue would finally get dealt with!

The OP is not saying that she should have been allowed she is saying that the woman shouldn't have been rude. It is very simple.

Ginnybag - your post has hit the nail on the head for me. The OP should have been warned that bringing the children wasn't a good idea, and the nurse shouldn't have been so bloomin' rude to her.

agree with ginnybag it should have been handled better but am surprised you were even offered the option of having your kids supervised rather than just asked to rearrange. Did both dc attend the swab appointment ? If they had I would have expected it to be suggested that they didn't come to the next one. If not why would they anticipate there being any issue.

I had ds1 ( 3 at the time) and ds2 ( about 6mths) when i had my coil fitted, it wasnt planned but dh was stuck in traffic and couldnt get back in time as planned, drs were fine, i was behind a curtain, ds1 had a comic and pack of buttons and ds2 was in the buggy, its not ideal but not impossible either

I pretty much always have to take the DC with me when I have a doctors appt, I don't have people I can leave the DC with other then DH & he works shifts (MIL would have them willingly but she works too). I think some people just assume that you can arrange childcare at the drop of a hat which many of us know just isn't always possible.

YANBU to be upset with the nurses attitude.

I don't see how surgeries should be allowed to say whether you can take your children or not. So many people don't have childcare, the only option would be take them with you or not go to the appointment at all. Surely it is not a good idea to alienate mothers from going to the doctors?

Yes, she was being a cow and out of order to tell the receptionist what you were there for.

FWIW I took both DD's to my coil fitting, having said to the doctor beforehand that they would have to come as I had no childcare in surgery hours.
They sat in the double buggy eating raisins.
I also took DD2 with me to my smear test the other day.
She sat in the buggy eating raisins (sense a theme?)
Sometimes you have to take the kids.

Wow, love mn.It is so great to hear everyone's views on this. At initial dr appt had both dc's. At swabs, just ds as dd was at preschool, so maybe they didn't realise. Still think it could have been mentioned at intial appt though. Having seen all the responses I think I may write a letter, but will try and be as positive as possible.

I think writing is a really good idea OP - suggest that in future, they include discussing having kids present in the initial appointment.

Nappy - I do think they should be allowed to say this. I have to do some fairly unpleasant proceedures on people and I Always tell them beforehand to not bring the DCs as:

(a) they are a distraction. No matter how unbothered the doctor may seem, they do find it easier to focus on the patient without the potential for problems with a child being there. I am very good at hiding my heartsinking when someone turns up with dcs to an appointment, but it is SO much easier when they aren't there.

(b)It is a clinical area with hazards. Not all children as well behaved in a surgery environment.

(c)I have had children become distressed at seeing their carer in pain.

I think the doctor has every right to dictate how their surgery is run. I sympathise with having difficulty finding childcare, but couldn't a friend come and mind them in reception for 15 minutes even? Or, in the case of a coil, surely it is a joint contraceptive decision and the DP could take an hour off work to help.

But...in this case the staff were rude and I think Ginnybag hit the nail on the head with her post.

You might not have a DP or if you do he may work away or a long distance away and cannot just pop back for an hour.

DS can be quite agressive and a handful so I don't like to leave him with other people if I can help it, especially if they have their own children which most of my friends do.

Some people are very isolated and they don't really have any friends or family around to help out.

Some people's only option would be to get a babysitter, not sure if agencies have a minimum amount of time they will send them out for though? It doesn't seem worth their while to come for just an hour. Also some people may not be able to afford this.

If you had to go into hospital then SS would step in and ensure your children are looked after. I doubt they would do this for a coil fitting.