to think that narcissism is the current MN buzzword.

[OrmIrian]

Never seen it on MN until a few months ago. And now it's everywhere!

ps2. My x thinks that i have "ruined his life"

Yes I have read it maggie. And I said I am very very sorry

But it still doesn't address my initial point. Which wasn't that it didn't exist. But that it gets overused on MN. But I guess you don't accept that.

Orm, sorry you are feeling bad. I know you from the measured advice you give on MN since I've been on here. I know you would never intentionally hurt anyone.

Please can you lay off her - everyone ?

I think that is possible to acknowledge a very damaging disorder exists, but to also acknowledge that maybe it is mis-used in situations where we (as MN users) only hear a small part of a story.

I still think, though, that it's maybe better to err on the side of over-usage, if it helps someone to see what is truly there. For instance, I knew very little about emotional abuse in marriage before I started coming on here, and would not have recognised it for what it was. I think I would now be in a much better position to help myself or someone else experiencing it. I think it's a strength of MN.

This thread seems to have turned unpleasant.

All I can say is, orm's alright. Let her be.

Why are you all suggesting that I don't beleive that it exists as a condition? I never said that.

I guess it helps to yell at me though.

Orm - I just wanted to drop in to support you on this thread. I have read your posts before and always been impressed with what you have to say. I can't understand why people assume by your innocent comment in your OP that you are somehow "mocking" others who are living with someone with this problem. There was nothing in your comment that implied such a thing but people have gone on the attack for something that you haven't said or insinuated in any way. Someone is inferring that you think it is funny or a buzzword or something and that is not what you said. Why are people making these connections that aren't there. Oh gawd I'll get a slating now.

I find thats what happens on MN though and it's such a shame as it can be supportive in other ways.

There are doctors who do not believe in food allergies. My exFIL doctor thought dentists, paediatricians and general practitioners were all quacks, because no real, professional doctor would tell you to come back for a checkup in six months or a year or whatever. He thought psychiatrists were both quacks and conmen because they talked and listened, and prescribed without the benefit of blood tests or microscopes, and couldn't refer you for an operation to cure your problem. He considered his own specialty (neurosurgery) beyond reproach, of course.

math - I didn't say it wasn't a genuine condition.

So if you are a French passive-aggressive narcissist who likes biscuits, you've been quite well catered for on here recently.

No just realised you have signed off and gone.

"You can talk about fuckwits if you like, and I've been out with a few ordinary fuckwits, this is different."

Maggie - this is exactly what Orm is saying. She is not doubting that this personality disorder exists. She is not doubting that some posters on Mumsnet have had terrible experiences having lived with people with NPD.

She is just saying that it seems that the "ordinary fuckwits" you mention above are nowadays casually described as having NPD on Mumsnet - have they actually been diagnosed? - as a sort of lazy shorthand.

Orm please read my post. I've read yours. I hear what you're saying, but I never thought that anybody that turned up on the NPD thread was too quick to label. The reverse. Women would list off all the CLASSIC behaviours, and then say, but I don't think he could be a narcissist, could he??

"YES"

Thanks bobbity. I thought i had made that clear. Instead I seem to be a sort of anti-NPD Aunt Sally

bibbitybobbityhat, I'm not being horrible to Orm. I just see the problem as being quite the reverse. People are too slow to realise that they're living with a narcissist. They feel they've made their bed, they have no energy or optimism left. They talk themselves OUT of believing that their husband is a narcissist.

I don't think anybody is talking about the NPD thread either- but the concept is bandied about on other threads very casually from what I've seen.

Martha

You won't see 'it' often because these freaks are absolutely brilliant at fooling you.

We are NOT 'pathologising' them, and just because you see no value in that (whatever you mean by that) does not mean that knowing what is wrong with these half-humans is not a life saver for us, their victims.

Most of us spend our whole lives trying not to kill ourselves, if you want the brutal truth.

This is what these people do to us.

And they spend their lives fooling everyone....until they decide you are of no value...and then...Hell really is on earth.

orm was never talking about a specific medial condition

bibbitybobbity, I haven't seen that, and I'm all over MN like a rash.

Oh maggie. I have read your posts. And I wasn't talking about our thread in particular. But have a look yourself and see the number of threads that have the narcissistic or NPD in the title. And tell me they are all genuine.

your thread I meant.

The threads with NPD in the title are ASKING if their partner/parent / whoever have got this disorder, usually.

What upset me about THIS thread was not you in particular, actually OrmIrian, it was the replies from others that MOCKED us, their victims.

We ARE close to the edge....that is what these freaks do to us. You say you are feeling bad at the moment because of your father. For which I am sorry and I hope he gets well soon...but you , and others who I know have had terrible experiences in life could have a little more empathy for others.

orm has lots of empathy. Doesn't mean that empathy has to thought about and duly used before making every darn comment.

Why not?