AIBU in thinking that nowadays

[TheUsefulSuspect]

everyone has to have an excuse or label for any problem

Kids who misbehave are all ADHD

Blokes who are mistreat women and children are either NPD or Depressed

Women who lose the plot are either depressed or got PND

Kids who are simply a bit thick all have some sort of dyslexia

I think this simply excuses kids who are badly parented, blokes who are scume bags, women who are bonkers and kids who are stupid, and it takes away time, focus amd resources from people and children with genuine problems.

Claw that is awful. I am sorry to hear you had such a bad time with it all

Meltedchocolate - Do you have any idea, what symptoms a child has to display to get a ASD or ADHD diagnosis?

Most seem to think that a child who does nothing but misbehave gets a diagnosis.

Huh what happened there, the post i was replying to disappeared!

OP you forgot to mention that any parent who isn't perfect is Toxic or Narcissistic.

I'm with Claw on this. I've found that doctors, or specialists certainly, are extremely reluctant to give their patient an official diagnosis.

I've no personal experience of a child with adhd, though a friend has a child with it and it took her a very long time to get the diagnosis. She was told repeatedly that there's nothing wrong with him by the doctor and teachers, that he's just boisterous and a particuarly difficult chi;d.

I have dyspraxia and getting a diagnosis for that, even though I knew without doubt that I am dyspraxic,was also a long slow painful process involving several assessments often months apart.
Depression was no easier.

My mother blatantly has epilepsy, has had several seizures,we've had the paramedics out,some have been witnessed by medical staff, is on anti seizure medication,has had to give up her licence etc and yet her bloody neurologist still says that he doesn't think she has epilepsy.

Where are all these doctors that are overzealous in diagnosing the conditions mentioned in the OP?
I'd appreciate it if someone could point me in the direction of one as perhaps then we'd get somewhere.

And as for others

Ignore the as for others. I forgot to delete that.

Claw3 I'm sorry if I have offended you on this but the school I work in is fantastic for accessing children who have special needs and behaviour problems, and if you read my post I mentioned that the child I was talking about has been accessed by professionals with a trained eye and they concluded nothing was wrong with him, I've seen this a few times in my school. I'm sorry you've had problems getting a diagnosis for your DS.

There are also lots of teachers/proffesionals/doctors ect who's 1st response is always bad parenting

Teameric - The trained eye has to be a specialist in that certain area though to identify the problem.

For example my ds has been assessed by TAMHS (mental health) they did not and could not pick up on processing disorders because that is not their area.

Ds has been assessed by dietician, they did not and could not pick up on processing disorders because that is not their area.

Ds has been assessed by pediatrician, as above.

Ds has been assessed by occupational therapy, although she picked up on modulation disorder, she is not a specialist in communication disorders and when she attended the school, they told her ds doesnt have any problems, so this wasnt followed up.

In the meantime until the social and communication specialist assessed, I was left looking like a Munchie mother.

I know i have got on my high horse about this and i do apologise. Im just trying to make people realise that it is a complex and complicated business and you really do need the RIGHT referral for it to be recognised.

The moral of this story is things are not always as they seem, so please try and leave the Judge Judy knickers at home

What's oppositional defiance disorder?

point taken Claw and my Judge Judy knickers are now off! .

Teameric - Good on you, my work here is done! takes off special needs angel wings and goes off to make a cuppa

Mumblechum - try this for starters :

www.bbc.co.uk/health/ask_the_doctor/odd.shtml

Mumblechum - Is that a trick question?

Bit like what's a matter, a man who makes mats.

Arf. No not a trick question, just something I'd never heard of before.

Thanks for the link Sassy.

ClaireyFairy82 Wed 25-Nov-09 20:11:45

"However, this thread is not about genuine cases."

So what about my dd who was diagnosed after 5 years? Does mean that her problem was not genuine until after she had been diagnosed??? It was exactly the same problem. The only difference of course was that she was treated as if it was not genuine.

The same happened to our friend's dd with Aspergers. The teachers would all have said "oh of course it would different with genuine problems, but that's not what we're talking about here".

I am trying to make it clear what it is like to be the parent of a child with an undiagnosed condition that is wreaking havoc with your life. It doesn't make your life any easier at all; it just adds the burden of other people's judgment.

The day my dd was diagnosed with a lifelong disabling condition was one of the happiest in my life. Not because I like to see her suffer, but while her sufferings remained unchanged, at least we could do something about the judging.

It's too easy to say 'I'm not talking about children with a dx. I'm talking about the children who don't have one'. Not all children are dx'ed at birth. There will be many who went through a period of time when their parents knew there was something wrong but hadn't yet had an appointment for an assessment.

When my ds1 was under the age of two years old I was almost certain that he had ASD. He didn't talk, barely noticed that other people existed, didn't sleep, and basically existed in a little world of his own. He didn't get an official dx until a few months before his 4th birthday. During those two years I heard all kinds of things about how there was nothing wrong with him and that the only reason he didn't talk or relate to other people was because of crap parenting. Apparently we didn't talk to him enough or talked to him too much (take your pick) and we didn't take him to enough baby & toddler groups.

Our story is by no means unique. The SN board is full of similar stories. We were actually much luckier than most. Both of our boys were dx'ed at pre-school age. Other parents are still going through the 'It's your fault because you're a crap parent' stage with much older children.

OP - "My post was not an attack on people with genuine conditions, just a comment on today's "it's someones/something else's fault"

Could you tell us when the golden age of everyone taking full responsibility for their own failings was? It's being referenced an awful lot on MN at the moment and I'm just wondering when it was that things were so blissfully idyllic.

coppertop my son who is 15 has been diagnosed with adhd,sensory processing disorder,speech and language problems and learning disabilities he attends a school for asd because his educational psychologist fought for it but his psychiatrist says he isn't autistic as he interacts with his carers his school has told me he meets all the criteria for autism and when he leaves child services next year are going to support us with getting the diagnosis done.even though he has all these problems he gets away with very little neither does his sister who has borderline adhd we have strict boundaries in place although sometimes its better to walk away when he has an outburst for my own safety.But because he looks normal people just presume your a bad parent but what normal 15 year old throws a tantrum in a supermarket.

I know nowt about kids and disorders etc but I do know about men, and I agree that it is a bit odd that when men (on here anyway) act like complete gits there's always somebody asking if he might be depressed.

Often the OPs pick up on it and cling to it, when in fact from what she's said her DH is just a total arse.

It's like we need put a name to why people treat us like shit.

Obviously this applies to women too.

What a bloody horrible OP - shame on you!

Reading this thread one gets the impression that there is no such thing as a naughty child.

As for oppositional defiance disorder.....???? ODD is quite apt as an abbreviation.....

Sorry, call me a philistine but imo, many of these children are naughty attention seekers with parents who pander to their every whim and expect other figures of authority to do likewise.

Heaven help these darlings when they enter the work place. Their boss tells them to do something, they challenge him and then sue the organisation for ODDism.

Really interesting thread...and I'm kind of in agreement with the OP here, whilst recognisning that some of the other posters have clearly had a very hard time attaining proper diagnoses for themselves and their dcs.

My ds is just 4, and the very youngest at school by quite a long way. The school SEN contacted us as she is concerned about his fine/gross motor skills (he's not great at writing etc) and wants a full OT assessment to support him. The headmistress suggested he might be dyspraxic. He's extremely (unusually) well behaved and polite in class, so this is mainly a physical development thing. As far as I can tell, he's basically nearly a year younger than a lot of his friends, has 2 extremely clumsy parents and has inherited my extremely dodgy super-bendy joints (new official medical name: hypermobility) which also resulted in delayed crawling/walking previously. My 22mo dd is still not walking - same thing.

Now, its great the school want to support him, and I'm delighted he's getting some extra time with the teacher for his writing and goes to the SEN play-do club...but do I think anything is really wrong that requires a proper medical assessment? Absolutely not. So, IME at the moment, slow development is being totally over-medicalised and I am trying to walk a tightrope between supporting the school with my ds and feeling strongly that nothing is really wrong....