AIBU in thinking that nowadays

[TheUsefulSuspect]

everyone has to have an excuse or label for any problem

Kids who misbehave are all ADHD

Blokes who are mistreat women and children are either NPD or Depressed

Women who lose the plot are either depressed or got PND

Kids who are simply a bit thick all have some sort of dyslexia

I think this simply excuses kids who are badly parented, blokes who are scume bags, women who are bonkers and kids who are stupid, and it takes away time, focus amd resources from people and children with genuine problems.

Op does no one have a genuine problem except you? I have severe PND, DH has depression and my niece has ADHD are we all a bunch of thick, bonkers liars?

Not all men with depression abuse women you know, not all women with PND are bonkers.

What a twisted view of the world.

Kids who are simply a bit thick all have some sort of dyslexia

Another nasty thread

OP - you clear't don;t have no clue about any of the conditions you mention in your OP, nor of how the systems work regarding getting a dx for any o these.

The labels, as yu call them, are not actually that simple to get. You actually need evidence to get a dx.

or all the professionals sucked into it all too?

"it takes away time, focus amd resources from people and children with genuine problems."

So, children with ADHD, dyslexia, etc and people with PNDm depression, etc. don't derserve help and support in order to help them cope better and (esp in children's cases) to attain their potential?

ClaireyFairy82 Wed 25-Nov-09 16:10:58

"We tend to pick up on genuine examples of children with dyslexia/ADHD during a child?s time in school because as teachers we can recognise the signs and in these cases the children have no control over their condition"

So how come my friend's dd's Aspergers was not diagnosed until halfway through junior school and after countless punishments by the school and talkings to the parents about parenting?

The school genuinely believed she was naughty and badly parented. Not a very nice situation for the girl, who could never understand what she was doing wrong.

Ime it takes years of pushing to get a diagnosis. And that is for autistic spectrum disorders, which are relatively well known. Diagnoses are really not handed out like cake, you know.

A recent survey of my dd's chronic and painful disorder showed that the average time of diagnosis is 10 years from when you first get the symptoms. We were lucky and got away with 5. That is a long time to be told you are naughty if you miss school/fail to stand up for the headteacher/can't make it up the stairs. But hey, what do I know, of course teachers have infallible ways of telling when a problem is genuine. Shame they kept quiet about it.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied

I think you missed the point of the thread I'm not saying these conditions do not exist, I am saying that there are a number of people use these or try to use them as a way to justify poor behaviour, poor performances, and these people are denying the genuine Men, women and children resources that they need.

I do think think some Childcare and Medical professionals are all too quick to diagnose some of these problems.

In some cases parents needs to look at how there parenting and behaviour influences the children around them and not leap to try and justify behaviour with things they have read about on the internet.

My post was not an attack on people with genuine conditions, just a comment on today's "it's someones/something else's fault"

Once again sorry for any offence caused.

When I read the papers/the internet/listen to gossip, it's all about how easy it is to get a diagnosis for no reason at all.

In real life I do not know a single parent who has not had to struggle for years to get a diagnosis, unless the condition is unmistakeable from birth.

There seems to be a discrepancy here somewhere.

Or perhaps all the nasty suspicious medics congregate our way and all the innocent little sweeties live in some other county

"The thing I don't get, too, is when did we stop accounting for differences in personality? "

Spot on Cheerful Yank if SOME ppl R quick 2 diagnose their DC with XYZ it's becuz society is too quick too slate rather than support parents every normal child does stupid/foolish/selfish things sometimes. With a diagnosis or recognised label you can bet on some sympathy & understanding; with no label U end up killing Urself with guilt thinking it must be all your own fault when your child does wrong things.

If society was more supportive of how tough parenting is in general, ppl wouldn't resort 2 claiming unmerited labels.

The other thing is that once you get a DX its not a bloody red light, you still have to fight tooth and nail for everything.

My DS has ASD, we have been waiting for an OT for 7 months, our SALT has moved teams and we wont have a replacment til after Chrismas and our Paed has no-one to type up her letters so we dont get details of any of our appointments, and neither do our other HCP. I have spent the last two months trying to get my son into preschool because no-one will help with his inclusion as they dont have the manpower. I feel like crying when I see my little boy struggle.

Thanks for apology Usualsuspects. Your OP was rather offensive in tone. I don't actually agree with you, as others have said dx often takes a long time and a great deal of fighting and effort by parents. Meanwhile the child's self esteem is gradually being erroded by being labelled 'naughty' or 'a bit thick'. I doubt there are too many malingerers and mis-dx's for you to worry about.

Dyslexia for example varies with individuals but doesn't usually present as being 'a bit thick' it has many complex symptoms, and being 'a bit thick' isn't one of them. So I imagine ed. psychs. are unlikely to diagnose it if it's not there.

Some people are very narrow minded on here.
YANBU, I think SOME people are quick to try and label SOME other people with a condition that they don't have. Yes these conditions DO exist but there are some parents who will use it as an excuse for every little thing. I worked in a school and one of the mums was on my course. 2 of her DDs had ADHD. In school they knew I knew their mum and were always good as gold. I even heard one whisper to the other that they had to behave as I knew their mum. Yet the mum said she couldn't walk to school (she lived nearby) as the eldest with ADHD would just run out into the road as she didn't understand because of her condition. This may have been true but the fact the mum was hugely overweight may have also had something to do with it and all 3 of her DCs would still be running arounf at 10pm on a school day, oldest being 10, youngest being 3! They wouldn't listen to her when she tried to discipline 'because of their ADHD' Never had a problem in school though.

resource allocation,assessment and management of adult/child referrals is a bit more complex than assuming most other folk are at it,making excuses etc.

i think you carefully and deliberately chose your provocative terms to get a reaction too.

smacks of trying too hard

Brunette Lady - you work in a school with an attitude like that???

I didn't say we pick up on every case Cory and I'm sorry that your friend had such a bad experience, but we do try to do our best by all children in our care. I have 7 children in my class of 30 with IEPs, even though many of them don't have official 'labels' but some areas of learning difficulty which we support them with in class and through individual support. It's generally considered to be bad practice to label a child as being 'naughty' as it's the behaviour that's inappropriate not the child and it's always preferable to try to find a positive approach to help them, in partnership with the parents.

In my experience, schools with a good SENCO tend to be over-cautious when it comes to having children diagnosed and I have referred lots of children to be tested for various conditions such as adhd/aspergers/autism/dyslexia. Actually quite often the tests come back negative, but I think it's better to know for sure where there are suspicions so that children receive the right level of support.

However, this thread is not about genuine cases. It's about the ones where parents seek a 'label' for their child in order to shift responsibility and I?m sorry to say it does happen. Sometimes all that's needed to help these children is positive reinforcement of clear boundaries, which takes effort and patience. But not all parents have the drive to see this through and would rather pin it on something outside of their control.

Theusefulsuspect - How do you know that there are a number of people who use these or try to use them as a way to justify poor behaviour, poor performances, do you have access to their medical history?

LOL Which tests come back negative, do you send them for a blood test or something?

Claw - I was just wondering that one too. Makes it sound like you get the child to wee on a stick or something and wait for a positive or negative.

Comments about tests coming back negative for ASD etc only highlight just how little a person really understands the process of dx'ing SN.

Coppertop - You would have thought a teacher would have been aware of the multi-disciplinary teams of psychologists and various other experts being present in her classroom, rather than popping off to be tested and the results of years of assessments being a simple positive or negative.

I love the comment i send these children to be tested because its better to be safe than sorry, LOL as if they would carry out a multi-disciplinary assessment based on that!

I am also loving 'It's wonderful when a child gets much needed help (through therapy or meds if they need them) but slapping a label on everyone right left and center just for being different has got to stop'

How do you suppose a child gets their much needed help, therapy or meds without having a label?

Do you seriously think you just ask for it and you get it?

My son got his diagnosis.

Big whoop. Still not getting any help at school and there is no treatment available on the NHS.

Still, at least we know why he cant read and write, understand instructions of more than two parts, concentrate, listen ......

So its all good

Getting resources allocated at school (IME) is as easy as persuading Robert Mugabe to give Tony Blair a big old kiss on the lips.

and then say 'I love Gay people'.

DS's school is seemingly unconcerned that he doesnt know the days of the week or how to write his name properly halfway through year 2. Even with the hallowed dx.

People are very sensitive about this subject for very good reasons. So many parents have had to put up with 'we didnt have that in my day', 'theres nothing wrong with him' type comments day in and day out.

Its very wearing. There is a thread about it on MNs at the moment.

I have seen parents who act in 'odd' ways on the ward whilst DD was ill. I suspected a very few of getting a real buzz from having a sick child (just a bit sick, nothing too serious). You get a lot of attention on a children's ward. I can see how that can be exciting in a weird way if you are used to being ignored. BUT I have also been given the type looks as a parent who appears to know a little too much about their child's illness. It makes you feel very uncomfortable and judged. It was entirely necessary for me to know everything about DD's illness and treatment but I still felt like some staff members suspected I was a bit of a munchie.

DS's SNs are very different but that feeling stays with me. I would much rather he not have anything 'wrong' with him. I know I cant be the only one!

I'm sorry I didn't realise I had to give a detailed description of every referral and assessment done in order to diagnose children along the ASD spectrum. Clearly because I haven't been specific enough on a website forum I have no idea what I'm doing. Please don?t become an Ofsted inspector, you might just catch me out.

Obviously, there?s no real problem with some parents wanting to label their children, because you don?t believe it to be true. And I wish you would invent pee on a stick asd testing ? because then maybe it would cut down on all the extra hours worth of paperwork, evidence collecting and multi-agency meetings which give ensure I have less time to spend with my own DC.

CF, can you explain what your profession is? Why are you diagnosing other people's children with an ASD? Are you a doctor?

I have no experience with children, but after working in adult mental health, in a secure forensics unit and a private hospital, I can say that as an adult, being diagnosed with a mental health disorder is not easy in an admission situation.

Some GP's will hand out anti-depressants with ease, others not so... so it is a grey area where GP's are concerned.

Self-diagnosis is common, but official medical diagnosis is not that easy.