AIBU in thinking that nowadays

[TheUsefulSuspect]

everyone has to have an excuse or label for any problem

Kids who misbehave are all ADHD

Blokes who are mistreat women and children are either NPD or Depressed

Women who lose the plot are either depressed or got PND

Kids who are simply a bit thick all have some sort of dyslexia

I think this simply excuses kids who are badly parented, blokes who are scume bags, women who are bonkers and kids who are stupid, and it takes away time, focus amd resources from people and children with genuine problems.

This is ridiculous. No I am not a doctor. I am an ordinary classroom teacher, who teaches an ordinary class of mixed-ability, mixed-gender 8 years olds (whom I care about immensely. And as an ordinary class in an ordinary city-centre school, we have a wide range of needs and abilities. I do not diagnose children, but I sometimes have concerns about a child and therefore refer them for specialist support. I also work closely with their previous teacher, their parents and my school SENCO. For example, this year I have already had a child tested for dyslexic and instead she was diagnosed with Meares ? Irlen Syndrome, which means I can now help them in class by giving them the support they need.
Alternatively, concerned parents can get a referral through their gp and have assessments done privately if they want to do this.

I think some are being are being a bit unfair here. Someone posted a quite controversial topic on a forum and I'm merely sharing my point of view. I'm sorry that some have had a bad experience in getting the right support for their child, but that doesn?t mean it isn?t happening.

this is a weird one.

my son has aspergers, dyslexia and dyspraxia. he sustained brain damage following meningitis, his labels have helped him, and not stopped him doing anything he wanted to, or given him any excuses for bad behaviour. he is a hard working, funny, clever and caring 17yr old lad. (and his dyslexia was completely missed through school!!college dx'd him!)

but on the other hand i can sort of see a bit where the OP is coming from, however clumsily put. when people do things that the majority of us cant comprehend or relate to, rather than just say outright "thats wrong", what happens is we try to find excuses for that behaviour that we just cant understand. i think sometimes it would be nicer for us to think that someones bad behaviour can be explained away by something "out of their control" as it were.

so, i have one cheek firmly planted on each side of the fence!

Claireyfairy - It is ridiculous isnt it, having to explain yourself and the feeling that people dont believe you. Perhaps you can empathise now how lots of parents of special needs children feel now!

If there are parents out there who try to convince themselves and others that their kid has something wrong with them and there dont. I would think they need help more than the parents of children with special needs as this is child abuse.

Im having a hard time believing that this is the case, as despite people's personal opinion, statistics say it is a extremely rare occurrence.

Would also add Claireyfairy, so for you to think you have quite a few parents in your school who do this, says a lot more about you, than it does them.

I can see this from both sides I have a son who has asd,adhd and severe learning disabilities youngest has borderline adhd but I firmly believe that this is because of me having to spend so much time on her brother, my eldest has Scotopic sensitivity syndrome and needs coloured glasses to read,this was picked up at 8 by a teacher whose daughter is dyslexic her teachers before had said she was struggling as she has never had to really work before because everything was easy for her, she was always in top groups and still did well despite this shes now at college doing a HND and plans on going to university next year.

More importantly Claireyfairy if you are 100% convinced that these children have nothing wrong with them and the parent is trying to convince you that they do, why havent you reported them?

Thesecondcoming - After your unnecessary beating the other day about the sore eye thing and people telling you, you dd might be anorexic and all kinds of other shit, i was right behind your opinion that a mother knows her child best.

Im surprised to see you now judging others in the same way you objected to being treated yourself and i stick to my guns about a mother knowing her child better than any other fucker.

I agree with OP and ClairyFairy and OP is NBU.

I don't understand why so many of you are so quick to jump down their throat. They did not say that nobody had these conditions. The truth is is that there are a lot of people out there who want to label conditions because the alternative is it face up to their own personal shortcomings.

There are a lot of children out there with parents who are incapable of parenting. They apply inconsistent discipline (if any at all), they set no boundaries, they don't know how to say no and mean it, they capitulate to their off-spring's every whim and the result is unruly, self-indulgent, narcisstic little emperors and empresses who think they can disrespect other adults in the same way that their parent's allow them to do it to them. These children do not have ADHD, they have no parenting!

thesecondcoming - Perhaps i am taking the topic a bit personally, as it is a subject that this close to my own heart. Just pisses me off all these people basing their opinions on fuck all, they havent seen the kids medical history.

As you know from the outside looking in, things are not always as they seem and unless people have proof that these children dont have anything wrong with them, i respectfully suggest they mind their own fucking business.

Glad you dd is ok, dont feel bad about not believing her, nothing a pair of Calvin's wont fix

Got a problem with "women who are bonkers" and "kids who are stupid."

Sounds very dismissive.

My ds's teacher bluntly told me last year "he just needs to learn to grow up" then when she got to know him she realised he had some genuine difficulties. So I am very hesitant to agree with the OP, I agree it sounds reactionary.

I think the OP has a point, whilst those medical conditions are genuine (I work in a school too that has a high pecentage of children with SN and agree with ClairyFairy,) some kids are simply just badly behaved little fuckers (usually down to parenting), some blokes are simply just evil sadistic scum bags, some women are simply just bonkers (me included )
and some kids are simply not very bright.

Im shocked by the level of ignorance especially from those working with children.

Im off before i end up saying something i will regret.

spokette - I think people jumped down the OP's throat is because of the language she used - 'Thick' 'Bonkers' and 'Stupid' are nasty terms.

Alot of us have struggled to get a diagnosis and have therefore taken offence to this kind of attitude.

four years ago (my ds was 6yrs old at the time )while my sons teacher went out on maternity leave he had an elderly teacher as a stand in , she was a retired teacher im guessing late 60's early 70's , well she made our life hell , she told me my son had ADHD because she had attended a seminar the day before & it reminded her of my sons giddiness etc we were then asked to ask our gp for a referral for testing , this took months of stress which resulted in ds not having any kind of disorder & me giving birth to dd 4weeks early , in the end my son was tested for every thing under the sun & all the results came back negative , but still this elderly teacher insisted he had ADHD . in the end the school did apologise to us after receiving a nasty letter from the consultant at the hospital for wasting their time by sending a child for testing even though he has shown no sign of any conditions .

claw3 it's not ignorance, unfortunately it's fact. The SN children in my school have genuine problems and have been diagnosed as such, but there are the kids who are just badly behaved and disruptive because thats the way they have been brought up ( I'm also in a inner city school) theres one boy who has been seen by people who have worked with SN children for years, we even had a child pyschologist spend two weeks with him every day to try and diagnose him, basically there is nothing wrong with him, he's just a badly behaved child who can't be bothered to learn (and believe me,people have tried) he gets lots of attention because of he's behaviour and this does sometimes reflect attention away from the children who have genuine special needs.

Teameric, a fact you say!

A question for you and all the others who are saying there are children who genuinely have these disorders and others who dont, how can you tell the difference? what are you basing this fact on, id be really interested to know?

I can't speak for all conditions, but my understanding is that diagnosis rates have increased due to changes in diagnostic criteria as the medical community improve their understanding of these conditions. I think the vast majority of properly diagnosed cases are genuine. As others have implied, getting a diagnosis can sometimes be a long and difficult process, particularly for children.

There will always be people who make excuses for poor behaviour, and there probably always has been. But unless you are qualified in some professional capacity, I think it is arrogant to assume that the kid that is misbehaving is just poorly parented.

I don't even agree with my diagnosis a lot of the time but it is v handy to be able to say 'sorry but I have a severe mental disorder' if I do something questionable - am only half joking too, that is what my consultant told me to say to people because of course, it really puts them at their ease

I will tell you a story, my own ds who is 5.5, and of apparently average intelligence, looks 'normal' no obvious in your face difficulties to anyone on the outside looking in.

But in school, he will 'refuse' to follow instructions. His teacher told me 'he just likes to have his way'. When asked 'Can you come and sit down now' he would replied 'no'. Teacher told me 'he is just being difficult and needs discipline'. When i tried to explain that i thought there was a problem, i got the rolled eyes, here we go precious mother and spoilt brat syndrome.

I have been fighting for 3 and half years to get ds assessed, but because teachers were saying ds didnt have any problems in school, other than having an Munchie mother, nothing was done.

I had to make an official complaint and because of this ds had a social and communication expert go into school, the moment a trained eye assessed ds his problems become obvious.

The poor little sod was not 'refusing' to follow instructions. He has processing disorders and couldnt understand what they wanted him to do. Now all his teacher has to do, is break down the instructions in small pieces and he can understand.

He wasnt being rude and replying 'no' out of defiance, because of the processing disorders he takes things extremely literally and took 'can you come and sit down' as a question, not an instruction.

Now all his class teacher has to do is say 'come and sit down' only a subtle difference, but it would work, as its an instruction, not a question with options.

Will his teacher or the school do any of these things that could make his life so much easier. Like fuck, will they, 'he is a bright boy, he will learn' if he hasnt got an arm or a leg missing, the problem doesnt exist. Much like a lot of the attitude on this thread.

Claw, that's awful, your poor DS. You illustrate my point perfectly though.

I know a lot of you will be offened by OP and I totally understand. Kids with illnesses or other need to be diagnosed and get the help they need.

HOWEVER - I dont think the OP is TOTALLY wrong. SOME kids have been slapped with a label that MAY have been preventable had there been SOME kind of disipline in the house.

Unfortunately not all mothers do know their child as well as they should because there are parents who dont act like parents and I think these are the type of children descirbed in the OP. I dont think that MOST people with these 'labels' are wrongly diagnosed but there are some.

we are a society that needs a name for everything,its like illnesses...we are happier once we have a proper name to relate to ,as to why we are feeling so bad. The unknown is scary and at times mentally unacceptable. We are all calmer when we have a diagnosis of whatever the problem is. When we know ,we can deal with it.When we dont ,its frightening and causes so much additional distress. What wrong with things having a label if it helps to deal with it?