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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this to DH

105 replies

scrummymum · 25/11/2009 14:17

My DH has been invited on a stag do next year to Dublin. They are going on Thursday morning and coming back on Sunday night. This guy used to work with DH and they often went out on a weekend in a big group but they are not BF's or anything and now that they don't work together, they only see each other when they go out with another friend who see's them both regularly. This has only happened about 2 or 3 times this year.

I have told DH that I am not happy about him going for this long. We have a 5 year old DD and a 2 year old DS and as he has a job with long hours, I don't want him to waste 2 days of his annual leave and a weekend away from us.

Also, the trip will be horrendously expensive, with 3 nights in a hotel, food and an obscene amount of alcohol and travel. Its not that we can't afford it especially as it is so far in advance that we can save up, but wouldn't that money be better spent taking his family on a weekend away?

Maybe I am just BU but all these hen/stag do's are really starting to p* me off now.

OP posts:
TitsalinaBumsquash · 25/11/2009 14:18

YANBU but other will probably say you are.

Pikelit · 25/11/2009 14:19

I hate 'em.

The whole stag/hen do malarkey has lost sight of reality as well as ruining some of the nicest cities in Europe for the rest of us.

TheUsefulSuspect · 25/11/2009 14:21

YABU

There is no reason why he shouldn't go, it's not like you will be left with 2 babies.

Surely rather than getting annoyed with the fact he is going to have a great time without you, arrange something with your friends to do the following month.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 25/11/2009 14:21

YABU

He is entitled to a life outside of your little unit, as you are as well.

If you can afford it, then why shouldn't he go? You have a 5 and a 2 year old, not newborns!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/11/2009 14:24

Tricky. I would have resented this when my DCs were younger - especially since these things do cost a lot of money, and I am a SAHM.

But, he is entitled to have fun with his mates. As long as you get the opportunity to have time off too. Do you ? And does he appreciate what you do, and that him being away is a sacrifice for you ?

Sidge · 25/11/2009 14:25

YABU

If he works long hours he is entitled to a social life too. It's only a few days, it's hardly a long trip.

Maleeka · 25/11/2009 14:26

Bloody hell YABU, give the guy a break, i know you said he works long hours but does that include weekends too?

If the boot were on the other foot and you were off on a hens do and he had the kids for the weekend, could you honestly say you wouldnt jump at the chance! If it were me, id be packing my bags right now

Surely you can get a weekend away with the family sometime next year? Or maybe arrange a sitter for the kids on one or two of the nights he will be away and let your hair down with the girls?

Sassybeast · 25/11/2009 14:26

YABU.

VengefulKitty · 25/11/2009 14:27

YABU.

Imagine it the other way around. You get the chance for a few good nights of fun away from home and the long hours at work. Wouldn't you want to go?!

You are both entitled to a life and you have had plenty of notice. Plus DC's will be a year older by then.

TurkeyLurkey · 25/11/2009 14:28

YABU by virtue of the fact that I am going on 2 girlie, yes 2, 4 day breaks next year. DH gets to go away too with his mates. You are not his owner and I'd really resent it if DH tried to stop me going away. Be gracious and let him go and book a hol for yourself too.

tobago04 · 25/11/2009 14:29

My dh is going on a stag do to Dublin next year too and then the following weekend he's on a golfing weekend with his dad
But he hardly ever goes out and three of his friends are getting married so i'm just gratful he's not going on 3 seperate ones
I can understand you being a bit miffed if he hardly sees the friend though,make him take you on a romantic weekend aswell

VinegarTits · 25/11/2009 14:29

YABU i would tell him to go for it, then start looking for a weekend break for yourself and your friends, whats good for the goose and all that

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/11/2009 14:30

That's the point, though. Does the OP have as much of a life ? Lots of SAHMs (I'm making an assumption here), don't feel entitled to take a break away from their families because they aren't earning any money for their "work".

Maleeka · 25/11/2009 14:35

All the more reason for her to take a break then Jamie. I stayed at home when my first two were young but if someone had given me the chance of a 4 day break, i'd have bitten their hand off!

Chickenshavenolips · 25/11/2009 14:36

Unless there is more to this, YABU.

PeedOffWithNits · 25/11/2009 14:37

I am very lucky - my DH would not want to go, because he is not a big drinker and would rather spend the time with us anyway

YABU if he would let YOU go and not moan at taking time off work to look after the family and cope without you for a long weekend

YANBU if he feels it is his entitlement because he needs a break from work, and you never get time to yourself

YANBU if money is at all the issue - yes it will be a lot of money for a weekend jolly, and if you know that is at the expense of YANBU to be annoyed at his selfishness

LeQueen · 25/11/2009 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malificence · 25/11/2009 14:46

I agree with the OP, family comes first, every time, especially so when the children are so young.

When our dd was small, my husband worked long hours and was away a fair bit, if he had wanted to use some of his precious holidays to go off on his own I would have been livid.

YANBU, he is.

diddl · 25/11/2009 14:48

If it can be afforded, then YABU.

SoWhat · 25/11/2009 14:48

Sorry but I think YABU. My DH goes on the odd stag do. I put my foot down when I had a newborn but he has been on a stag weekend to Poland since DD turned 1.

Scorps · 25/11/2009 14:53

YABU

whoisasking · 25/11/2009 14:54

YABU unless there is something else you're not telling us. I would be very unhappy if someone called me going away with my friends a "waste of annual leave"

Maleeka · 25/11/2009 14:55

Would you really have been livid Malificence? its a 4 day trip, not a 6 month jolly with the lads!

And its 2 days out of his holiday, not the whole lot! Could you not bear to be without him for that paltry amount of time? Do you not have a life of your own?

Bloody hell i'd feel suffocated beyond belief if my OH said he'd be livid if i went away for a few days by myself!

whoisasking · 25/11/2009 14:55

Trust me to cross post with Mal.

Mal - I much prefer you on the mucky threads.

upahill · 25/11/2009 14:56

My DH did excactly the same when our kids were that age except he was (still is ) self employed so he lost quite a bit of money.
He went with my complete blessing and it was great for him to be relaxed with his mates and just enjoy himself.

Yes it was expensive. I think he got through just over a grand but flippin heck he budgeted for it and the mortgage was still paid.
It's only one weekend and it is his annual leave, he can do what the heck he wants with it.
Don't end up being a possessive nagging wife like I've seen some of my friends turn into.

I get to have weekend breaks with my mates from time to time and have done since DS1 was about 9 months old. You do the same is my opinion.

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