to lie to the NCT about my household income to get reduced antenatal classes?

[cilo]

DH and I are struggling financially at the moment. He used to work full-time but due to the recession has had to reduce his hours and his monthly wage has gone down by about £200 a month. On top of this our mortgage has gone up(our fixed rate has ended) and we've had a lot of unexpected expenses like the boiler needing to be replaced. I do work part-time but most of my wage goes towards nursery fees for my ds and my £250 a month train fare just to get to work.

I really really want to attend my local NCT antenatal course. I don't know any other mums-to-be and am desperate to build up a network of friends when my baby is born. I've heard the NCT is the best way to do this. Couldn't afford to attend the classes before my ds was born and this is my biggest regret, I feel very isolated at the moment and the thought of being isolate with two children makes me panic. I tried really hard when ds was born to find local playgroups, mother and baby groups, and asked my health visitor repeatedly for details but was told there weren't any in my area I do still scour the local papers, doctor surgeries but never see any playgroups advertised.

I'm normally a very honest person and do everything by the book but am seriously thinking of lying to the NCT about my household income to try and secure a place on their antenatal course at a reduced rate. Their literature says that if you receive any benefits at all, are a single parent and have a household income of less than £25,000 you can get a reduced place. Although DH and I together have an income above £25,00 and seem to be quite comfortable on paper, in reality we are really struggling and I can't find the full money to attend the course .

AIBU to lie?

Are you in a SureStart area? They will give you details of local parent and toddler drop ins. Contact your local children's centre for details of antenatal classes, new parent's groups etc.

Have you asked your midwife about Antenatal Classes run by the NHS?

I'm so sorry for your circumstances. It sucks when you can't afford to do something you really want to.

I totally understand, when DS was born we had moved 5 hours drive away from everyone I knew just 3 months earlier for my DH's job. I couldn't afford ante natal classes, but there are other ways to make friends. I know toddler groups are scary, but if you stick with it you will meet local people with kids.

Does your dr's run a baby clinic? I met the most other mums in the waiting room there. We used to chat whilst we waited to get babies weighed/checked each week.

You could also ask your HV if there are any PNI groups around. She referred me to one just to meet some other people in the area who were lonely with kids. Turns out you don't need to have PND to go, just be at risk of it (which you are if you are lonely).

TBH, I do think it's BU to lie about your income. There are families worse off than you who are entitled to those cheap places (although we fall in that category we can't even afford the reduced rate!) besides which, plenty of people manage without them. They aren't a necessity, and those reduced rate classes are subsidised by other people.

Just because you really want something doesn't make you entitled to it. I am truly sympathetic. I wish they were free for everyone.

You don't have to do the classes to join the NCT. It's only 24 quid for the whole year (or something like that) and they should hold play groups or other events in your area.

I made a couple of good friends at the NHS classes, by the way. And a couple more by going to the local park and striking up conversation. It takes a bit of courage at first, but now I am quite brazen and taking up Mum-friend opportunities.

Try contacting your local NCT branch and they usually run coffee mornings/open houses where you can go and if they run like ours you don't need to be a member of the NCT.

Where are you?

Does your hospital not run An classes? there must be NCT coffee mornings in your area? Speak to the NCt coordinator and explain all of this. i am sure they will be sympathetic and do what they can to help.

Don't you get tax credits? With nursery fees etc you probably should...don't they count as "benefits" for NCT? They frequently do, it may be worth checking out?

I agree though, lying is worng, I would be tempted too but I wouldn't do it. I would be too scared of getting caught and being enbarresed in front of my new friends!

Might they not ask you for proof of income?

Btw, have you tried netmums for listings of local playgroups?

Went to NHS antenatal classes when pregnant with ds, to be honest was worse than useless. I tried to speak to the other people there but they didn't seem interested. Once the lesson ended everyone left, no-one stood around for a chat or anything so I never saw them again.

Like I said, I did ask my health visitor when ds was born about postnatal groups and playgroups and she looked at me like I was mad and said there weren't any. Felt like I didn't get any support at all.

Friends that live in different parts of the country often regale me with tales of friends they made at antenatal classes but they sound nothing like the classes I went to before.

I don't know if you ABU in lying about your income... It kinda sounds pretty bad doesn't it?

Is your income substantially over the £25k threshold? If not, and factoring in the £250 a month train fare.. WT..? that's an arm and a leg..! perhaps you aren't...

However, if you are honestly earning tons more than the £25k, then perhaps you will have to face facts that you can't really afford the NCT courses.

If it helps any, and as you are not a 'L' plate mum, perhaps try PG yoga instead of a birthing course? Especially as you are looking to do this more for the social aspects of it, rather than the information side of things.

I did only PG yoga when I was PG with DS, and I did make some good mummy mates.... It has to be cheaper than the NCT course, they are pricey aren't they, IIRC.

I rather think that you might be in for a bit of AIBU stick... so I'll lend you my Pith Helmet for the duration....

The NCT made a loss last year so are considering raising the price of courses. It is a real shame that the courses are so expensive but I really don't think it can be helped.

If you join the NCT and contact your branch to see what is going on in your area it can be a great way to meet friends. That is what your local NCT branch is there for.

sorry but yout post just makes me want to tell you to suck it up. A lot of people have lost jobs, had incomes reduced etc recently, that is no reason to lie to get onto NCT courses. The NHS offer courses too, ok so they are not as good but tough.

Playgroups don't often advertise in papers and I do agree it can be hard to find them. Check out church notice boards as they are usually held in church halls. Check out your library too as most have story times for babies and children. Also you don't normally have to be a member of the NCT to go to bumps and babies groups so give them a ring and find out about your local one. Obviously sign up for your local surestart newsletter too as there is always loads on. Oh and swimming pools too often have sessions aimed and little ones whether it is a course of baby lessons, a rhyme time or just a session specifically for babies and toddlers so you know there will not be older children in the pool.

YABU

Just join your local NCT branch instead

our nct local coffee mornings are open to all, not just members, see if you can get details of any in your area.

"Struggling" is not being able to buy a winter coat for your child, is going without 3 meals a day in order to pay the gas bill and not being able to replace shoes with holes in them. "Struggling" is not being unable to afford the cost of inessential antenatal classes for the purpose of making friends.

As Gracie says, there are those who are entitled to the reduced rate who still can't afford to attend NCT classes. What gives you the right to defraud the NCT and steal a reduced-rate place from a genuinely deserving woman?

Disclaimer - I have never attended a single AN class in my life, NCT, NHS or otherwise; this was a matter of peronal choice. had I wished to I would have either joined NHS anenatal classes or paid for a NCT course like anyone else.

YABVU.

well said Vallhala

Can you borrow the fee from a family member? I think lying would be wrong.

The other place to look for local playgroups is the Families magazine which is online too.

yabu.

NCT used to put people in touch with baby groups for nothing. Do they still do that? They give you the contact, you make friends. No need to scam lessons given by a trinaed instructor.

I didn't bother with any antenatal nct courses either. I didn't even do the nhs ones as they were evenings and I was too knackered with pregnancy and working!

I made a ton of friends over time just by doing what others have suggested - baby clinics, park, library, playgroups at the churches etc etc.

One mum I met met her best mum buddy through the meet a mum part of mumsnet (did I say mumsnet

I am sorry but YABU, I agree with Vallhala.

oops sorry that was meant to say netmums ha ha, my fingers are so used to putting mumsnet in the search bar they were on auto pilot