to lie to the NCT about my household income to get reduced antenatal classes?

[cilo]

DH and I are struggling financially at the moment. He used to work full-time but due to the recession has had to reduce his hours and his monthly wage has gone down by about £200 a month. On top of this our mortgage has gone up(our fixed rate has ended) and we've had a lot of unexpected expenses like the boiler needing to be replaced. I do work part-time but most of my wage goes towards nursery fees for my ds and my £250 a month train fare just to get to work.

I really really want to attend my local NCT antenatal course. I don't know any other mums-to-be and am desperate to build up a network of friends when my baby is born. I've heard the NCT is the best way to do this. Couldn't afford to attend the classes before my ds was born and this is my biggest regret, I feel very isolated at the moment and the thought of being isolate with two children makes me panic. I tried really hard when ds was born to find local playgroups, mother and baby groups, and asked my health visitor repeatedly for details but was told there weren't any in my area I do still scour the local papers, doctor surgeries but never see any playgroups advertised.

I'm normally a very honest person and do everything by the book but am seriously thinking of lying to the NCT about my household income to try and secure a place on their antenatal course at a reduced rate. Their literature says that if you receive any benefits at all, are a single parent and have a household income of less than £25,000 you can get a reduced place. Although DH and I together have an income above £25,00 and seem to be quite comfortable on paper, in reality we are really struggling and I can't find the full money to attend the course .

AIBU to lie?

How much are the NCT courses? Its hard to tell how hard it is to pay for it out of £25+k when I don't know the figures involved.

Is it £50 or £500? Because the way the op makes out she can't afford it I was expecting it to be hundreds, yet some of you seem to thing the healthy wotsit grant should cover it. I don't know how much the grant is but is not a great amount surely.

IIRC it's about £130. It's definitely more than £100 but less than £200. You can also opt to pay a slightly lower version without membership of the NCT included.

oh. not a lot then.

YABU. If you can't afford the course fee will you be able to afford the weekly expensive cafe meetings, the Center Parcs holidays etc like your new found friends?

Why are you so set on NCT classes?

There must be drop in groups in your area. Isnt sure start country wide now?

Do you think you are more likely to fit in with other NCT mums? Not being snarky, geniunely puzzled why you seem so determined that there is no alternative.

I have never been near an NCT class and managed not to be isolated with any of my babies. My sister joined the NCT and spent 3 years trying to get rid of people she didnt like very much and feeling pressured into hosting monthly coffee mornings.

Unless you live in a very remote part of the country there will be alternatives to NCT.

tbh the postnatal group HV runs is much better.mums have had baby and are bit more realistic.also hv group tends to be very local

YABU to lie to a charity.

However, it does sound to me as other posters have said that you are possibly slightly depressed and maybe not even in the right frame of mind to meet new people constructively.

I live in an area relatively new to me, distant from many of my friends / family and reliant on public transport too. I am the only one of my "regular" friends to be pg (due next week!!!) and my one friend from college who has had a baby raved about the group of friends from her NCT classes so I thought, money aside, it was something I had to have and the NCT were more than amenable to pay in installments. Turns out there were only us and 2 other couples so you may not even find there is that much scope for making new friends.

When I enquired about the NHS classes they'd been cancelled due to swine flu so that wasn't an option!

I've made friends with ladies from aquanatal and there are other 2nd time mums there too, not just first timers. Everytime I am out and about I am looking at local noticeboards for baby groups to go to too - the thought of walking in somewhere where I don't know anyone until a few weeks ago petrified me but its not just for me is it so I have to just get on with it.

I do hope you start feeling better and find something near to you soon.

yikes,that isnt very encouraging is it.go along see how you get on good luck

I think the problem with NHS classes can sometimes be that they're over very fast, or done in one day/weekend, and you don't have time to relax and get to know people before they're all headed off in different directions. By the way, we don't even have NHS classes in our town - they were cut!

I joined the NCT for the reasons you've given, and for me it worked - we started gelling after a few sessions and are all still very much in contact nearly 2 years on.

BUT - there are loads of other ways into friendships. A friend of mine couldn't get on with NCT classes, but met a lot of other mums through a baby massage class, and they are effectively her 'antenatal group' now. A lot of Children's Centres run baby massage sessions at reduced rates. In fact, I think your first stop should be a local Children's Centre (quick, before the Tories close them all down! ) because they run all manner of events and groups.

Churches often run weekly playgroups in their halls, which attract a lot of regular attenders, so that's worth a try? And of course, as many people have already said, the NCT runs most of their drop-in groups for free, and open to all. You might be asked for a contribution for coffee (not round here though!) but that's all. You just have to try a variety of things locally and keep on pegging away - become a regular, volunteer to be on the coffee rota, donate some of your old baby toys, etc. Don't sit in the corner and worry that nobody's going to talk to you!

And yes, it's unreasonable to lie to a charity to get something you should pay for. NCT are down on applications and really do try to target people who desperately need their help. It's a good place to make friends, but that's not its only function.

I haven't read all of this thread, but I used to be the ante-natal class booking secretary for my local branch, and if someone had come to me, with genuine difficulties paying, I would have seen if there was anything we could do to help.

I would also recommend the NCT coffee mornings and Bumps and Babes groups - I met my three closest friends through the NCT.

Someoen enlighten me what is NCTantenatal class, what is it for?
< did i miss something>
I think its wrong whatever its.

middle class mummies,with high expectations and gasps of au naturel birth only.chattering about which is more authentic and rustic creme or balm for baby. pricey too. and when you say you are going back to work they all look askanace in sorrow and bewilderment

so you mean i have to pay money to meet them?
is that it?

yes you pay for NCT
Course Prices

Please refer to the course description for the type of course and whether it is women-only.

Full Course Price including membership (excluding membership)
Course Type Band A Band B Band C

Antenatal to Early Days

Perinatal course from antenatal to postnatal £218 (£179) £274 (£235) £345 (£306)

Antenatal courses - first time parents

Extended antenatal £233 (£194) £253 (£214) £309 (£270)
Extended antenatal (women only) £192 (£153) £237 (£198) £299 (£260)

Standard antenatal £178 (£139) £223 (£184) £284 (£245)
Standard antenatal (women only) £156 (£117) £197 (£158) £248 (£209)

Intensive antenatal £146 (£107) £182 (£143) £228 (£189)
Intensive antenatal (women only) £131 (£92) £161 (£122) £202 (£163)

Short course £126 (£87) £151 (£112) £192 (£153)
Short course (women only) £111 (£72) £135 (£96) £171 (£132)

Workshop £100 (£61) £121 (£82) £141 (£102)
Workshop (women only) £90 (£51) £110 (£71) £126 (£87)

Antenatal courses - second time parents

Extended Refresher £178 (£139) £223 (£184) £284 (£245)
Extended Refresher (women only) £156 (£117) £197 (£158) £248 (£209)

Standard Refresher £146 (£107) £182 (£143) £228 (£189)
Standard Refresher (women only) £131 (£92) £161 (£122) £202 (£163)

Intensive Refresher £126 (£87) £151 (£112) £192 (£153)
Intensive Refresher (women only) £111 (£72) £135 (£96) £171 (£132)

Short Refresher £100 (£61) £121 (£82) £141 (£102)
Short Refresher (women only) £90 (£51) £110 (£71) £126 (£87)

Wow! Thats a expensive course, how long does it last life time, i bet for 1month.
Wait untill i tell that to dh

nct usually earth-goddess and dont let them damn doctors touch you types. all wanting to hang off a twig chanting an incantation,snorting rescue remedy.

Hmmm - that was helpful ScottishMummy.

NCT is a charity which has an ethos of providing information to new parents, on the basis that giving parents information improves their experience of birth/ner parnethood. Meeting other new parents is lovely - but you are paying for the course not the social aspects.

The courses can be quite expensive, but in our area are the only antenatal courses available since the NHS stopped theirs.

OP - You may prefer a (cheaper) Refresher course, aimed at second time parents. Alternatively, talk to the course booker about paying by installments - you usually need to book several months in advance, and may be able to pay e.g. £20 a month over several months.
My old branch is in a deprived area and we had a very flexible approach to helping with payments, as we were very keen to help parents attend if we could. As a result the classes are very mixed socially.

charity yes.over run with chatterati mummies.yes. but hey if you like and meet folk why not

You have to pay money to do their courses; you don't have to pay (at least not much) to meet people throught the NCT. Like others have said: coffee mornings!

I never did the classes (that would have been about 2 months wages for me at the time), but later ran a coffee group for the NCT.

Round here lots of people who couldn't afford the classes still joined the groups and the expense of the coffee mornings only went as far as taking in turns to make each other a cup of coffee.

SM I must be a rare exception! Knew from the start I would be having a planned CS and said so on the first night. Not a problem. Also knew I would go back to work, likewise. Am still friends with the other mums and we meet up pretty regularly. I still think, though, as I said in my earlier post, it's not the best choice for the OP as a 2nd-time mum, and what with the money issue she is better off looking at the various other options that have been suggested.

SCOTTISH MUMMY tis too true! I know people hate NCT baiting but I fucking hate em as follows:

B feeding class only tried to push it on us, not one single piece of practical advice on how to b feed with so many stitches you cant even sit down
Not one single piece of advice about how to cope with sleepless nights
The teacher was a bayatch who opended the door and gave us dirty look for being 3 mins late, then changed class at last minute even tho everyone was still working
Bringing in the worlds smuggest couple who had an epi free birth who then boasted that she used gina ford and her baby was sleeping through at 2 months
telling is that epidurals are the work of the devil
etc etc

OK I met some nice people but I am STILL angry with my local NCT and I would not piss on them if they were on fire

Sorry CILO, I did post some helpful advice earlier for you