to lie to the NCT about my household income to get reduced antenatal classes?

[cilo]

DH and I are struggling financially at the moment. He used to work full-time but due to the recession has had to reduce his hours and his monthly wage has gone down by about £200 a month. On top of this our mortgage has gone up(our fixed rate has ended) and we've had a lot of unexpected expenses like the boiler needing to be replaced. I do work part-time but most of my wage goes towards nursery fees for my ds and my £250 a month train fare just to get to work.

I really really want to attend my local NCT antenatal course. I don't know any other mums-to-be and am desperate to build up a network of friends when my baby is born. I've heard the NCT is the best way to do this. Couldn't afford to attend the classes before my ds was born and this is my biggest regret, I feel very isolated at the moment and the thought of being isolate with two children makes me panic. I tried really hard when ds was born to find local playgroups, mother and baby groups, and asked my health visitor repeatedly for details but was told there weren't any in my area I do still scour the local papers, doctor surgeries but never see any playgroups advertised.

I'm normally a very honest person and do everything by the book but am seriously thinking of lying to the NCT about my household income to try and secure a place on their antenatal course at a reduced rate. Their literature says that if you receive any benefits at all, are a single parent and have a household income of less than £25,000 you can get a reduced place. Although DH and I together have an income above £25,00 and seem to be quite comfortable on paper, in reality we are really struggling and I can't find the full money to attend the course .

AIBU to lie?

your local council's chilren's service may also provide lists of toddler groups

YABU. They are a charity providing help to many more than just those who pay to go on their courses.

Why not be above board and honest with them? Tell them that you ahve financial problems, tell them just what you hve told us. You never know, they may have compassion, as well as business sense.

YABU to lie about your financial circumstances.

However, look on the website and see if your local branch are running Bumps and Babies and Coffee Mornings. You don't have to be a member to attend these and you can still meet lots of new mums.

YABU darling, sorry.

Where on earth do you live that there are no mother and toddler groups?

If the area is large enough to have NCT classes locally, then it will almost certainly have mother and toddler groups.

Just do what I did (accidentally) and send the check without a signature, turn up without realising that I was supposed to be sent confirmation info. Be included in the classes and then try and pay afterwards but then say fuck it after the third attempt at getting their terrible system to work. If you don't pay in the normal way with them they are totally rubbish and don't know what they are doing.

I did try to pay but they pissed me off in the end... and there breastfeeding advice was crap but I am getting off point.

It was really great for meeting a group of mums so I understand why you really want to go. If you lied might they not ask for proof of benefits?

Phone up the booking clerk and tell her that you'll struggle with the fee and ask if you can pay by installments - I'm sure this will be fine (they do it in my area).

Good luck!

Well lyng your way in isn't exactly going to help you make friends is it? They won't know, but you will and you'll end up feeling awful and it will be a total millstone round your neck.
Where do you live? Just roughly.

You will be able to pay in installments - anyone can. You should ask your branch booking co-ordinator if there are any discounts you are entitled to - I believe around half of all expectant parents qualify, but take up rates are well below that.

I'm a single parent and couldn't afford NCT. So I didn't go to them, I went to the hospital classes instead. There are lots of other ways to meet new mums rather than NCT you know.

It's a charity and it's just not good karma to rip them off

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that I can't afford to go to NCT classes even though on paper, I should be able too. I've looked at the events page on the NCT website for my area and there are two classes, all of which are quite a drive away and unfortunately I don't drive. I thought by going to the ante-natal classes which are being held local enough so that I can walk there, I would meet other parents who live near-by, parents I could meet regularly which doesn't involve a long drive.

I could pay by installments, but the leaflet said that all installments have to be paid by end of Janaury, so not very long.

General consensus is that I AIBU which I suspected anyway. Looks like I'll just have to forget it and concentrate on being isolated with 2 children instead of 1.

Speak to them, tell them that you would love to attend their classes, but that your financial circumstances are pretty strained at the moment, and is there anyway you can pay reduced fees or installments. See what they suggest.

Honestly is the best policy, and you may be surprised at their reaction. There might be ways in which you could offer to help out in return for the class?

Whereabouts are you? There are quite a few NCT people on here that might be able to advise.

x-posts.

Please speak to them.

Also, if you can tell us whereabouts you are then there might be other mums on here that would like to meet and such like?

yabu to lie but it doesn't mean just forget it and concentrate on being isolated, do you really not have any ways @ all to meet mums in your area? how about libraries? most areas have the baby bounce, song sessions and that kind of thing. or even @ the park if u often go to kids playground try to get talking to some mums @ the baby swings or something like that. if even those are not available and u are desperate to meet people, why not even just strike up a conversation with someone else with a newborn in the baby section of boots or something! worst case senario they may think u are a bit of a weirdo just coming up to talk BUT they may be lonely themselves if its really true the lack of baby things in your area, so may be glad u gave it a try to make a conversation. u need to keep perserving in some way as its clearly making you sad to be isolated, so i dont think you should give up and accept it

I don't think the classes would be that useful if you've already had a baby as they really do focus on childbirth for first timers.

However some areas run a refresher type course for second-timers - enquire about that perhaps??

You sound rather fed-up so if I were you I'd phone the locat nct co-ordinator and explain your situation and see what they recommend.

And roughly where are you - there must be toddler groups near you - its just a case of finding them.

Cilo - your alternatives are NOT lie or be isolated
Even in the most remote corners of Britain there are baby groups etc. I holiday on the Isle of Mull and even there things for mums and kids go on all year. Please say roughly where you are and then I'm sure we can come up with some suggestions.

YABU to lie but i understand where you are coming from.

However if you there are often lots of free groups.

Health Visitor. Ask again for a list of playgroups and mother and toddler groups.

Speak to Family information services or similar (normally local council)

Library: Baby bounce or similar.

Attend Clinic. Ask the other mums if they go to any groups.

Im sure if you post a location here we could find something for you. You can also ask for thread to be deleted later if concerned about privacy.

A bit harsh princesstoadstool. I have explained my situation. I am very very worried about baby number 2 arriving. I don't expect sympathy or understanding, but not very nice comments like that don't help when I'm already feeling upset about things.

Where are you? I'm sure there are MNetters who could point you in the right direction for classes/playgroups etc.

There must be a local baby group. may I dare suggest

netmums?

they list loads of local groups.

Where do you live, Im sure ther si a Mnetter nearby who could tell you wher to go

Why not post on the Meetups bit on here and see if there are other MNetters locally ?

You don't know that your NCT group would actually gel anyway, easier to bond when the babies have arrived. Try ringing the local branch to ask about Bumps and Babes or open houses, then go along to anything.

I managed with NHS antenatal classes and made a lot of really nice friends, still in touch with 3 years later..and it was...FREE. No lying required whatsoever!

They may also run postnatal tea groups which are free. My current branch and the branch I was a member of before both do. Speak to them. Email the branch secretary. See what they say. In our branch there is lots of stuff going on. You could even offer to volunteer yourself...