to think a friend's 13 year old is dating a 17 year old is wrong?

[FleetMummy]

She has just turned 13 and her boyfriend is 17.

To me this is just wrong for so many reasons.

My friend has accepted it because she says that if she doesn't her daughter will date him in secret anyway. A stance I understand.

I just wondered what other people thought?

SGB, I agree that to deny sexual feelings in an under 16 year old is naive but I do think that most teenagers are too young, emotionally, to cope with a sexual relationship before that. Parents should instill that view in their teens and they might just listen. I have always said to DD to wait until she is legal, in a lighthearted way, as we've always been open, and she seems to be heeding my advice.

It's 16 for a reason.

Agree also that this 17 year old boy might be a shy sensitive one who would prefer to go out with a younger girl because he is inexperienced. I would still be concerned though.

I would be less worried about the sexual aspect though, SGB, and far more concerned with the emotional over involvement at a young age.

Of course teenage girls have sexual feelings/urges, it is their inability to adequately control their emotions that concerns me. That is the reason I would be worried for any 13yo in a relationship with an older boy. The relationship has the potential to become far too serious, far too quickly, and cloud their judgement in other areas of their lives.

Although I would still be very unhappy about it, I think it is somewhat different when it is two 13y fumbling around, finding out about sex together. When one is a 13y child and one is a 17y "almost" adult it feels much much more wrong. And fortunately the law agrees - the law is there for a reason, to protect children.

And no matter what anyone says a 13y is just that - a child. Seriously in 10 years of teaching secondary, and coming across 100s of 13y I have yet to meet a truely mature one. There is a big difference in what they thing they can do and what they should do.