to think a friend's 13 year old is dating a 17 year old is wrong?

[FleetMummy]

She has just turned 13 and her boyfriend is 17.

To me this is just wrong for so many reasons.

My friend has accepted it because she says that if she doesn't her daughter will date him in secret anyway. A stance I understand.

I just wondered what other people thought?

I wouldn't really want dd to do this but...I went out with a 17 year old when I was 14 and it was all very innocent. See him most days now as our dcs attend the same school!

If, as some people have said, a 17yo was picking up a 13yo because he was immature and lacked confidence, that wouldn't actually make me particularly happy about the whole thing, tbh.

yes, abouteve

I don't understand how so many parents throw up their hands and say they don't know what their teenagers are up to

it is called simple discipline

many parents seem to lack the ability to understand it, let alone implement it

some of my dd's friends are allowed out until 11pm and roll in drunk on vodka, and their parents know what the fuck they are doing!

but let them do it regardless, like they don't have any say in the matter!

one of my dd's friends was allowed to keep a litre bottle of vodka that was bought by some other friends clubbing together to buy!

just sooooo stoopid

Agree with fairy on the tree - know where she is at all times at 13.

I'm not sure how I would have coped if DD had wanted to go out all the time, drinking down the park etc. I just cannot imagine not having a say in it and not knowing. Suppose I'm lucky she hasn't been testing in that way. It does annoy me when people jump to conclusions that all teens are up to no good and cannot be controlled.

I was out all the time at her age but that's because my parents didn't check me. They couldn't be bothered. Looking back I would have been grateful for a bit of discipline and guidance.

A friend or hers actually climbs out of her bedroom window after the houshold are asleep, when told to stay home. However, her parents didn't spend a lot of time with her when she was little and so have probably given her too much freedom to roam in the past.

I'm with Hulababy on this - having worked with young people I can see that what may come across as 'maturity' in a 13 year old usually just means they are bright, articulate and probably less emotionally volatile than some other teenagers.

I would be very unhappy if my 13 year old came home with a 17 year old boyfriend (in a romantic sense). I'd be alarmed because to me a 13 year old shouldn't be having a romantic relationship anyway, yet if they were just friends I'd wonder what he is doing hanging out with a much younger girl.

blimey LQ, that is one hell of an anecdore

I'm relieved that LeQueen didn't marry the first lad.

*anecdote

when I was 13 I went out with a sixteen year old. Two actually (they were both fairly short relationships). Nothing sexual happened between us - we ended up together because we had things in common, were all musicians etc and just clicked - they are both still friends of mine despite the fact that we live in different countries and haven't seen each other for years.

Then when I was 14 I went out with a 19 year old for over a year. I was mature and he wasn't - it really was that simple. And for him, I was the first and only great love of his life, he recently told me as much in fact, and he never had another relationship after me.

But nothing sexual happened between us - in fact I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 to my now dh.

I certainly think that at 13 you can set boundaries as to what time children can spend with a boy, i.e. not alone if possible, but I don't think you can prevent them from seeing each other.

Fwiw my parents met when they were 13 (both the same age now" and they have been married for 39 years.

i was 13 when i met my dp, then 17, we are now 21 and 24 with two children and our own home, still scary???

(although id possibly tie dd up and cage her should she find any boyfriend let alone an older one at 13)

err, yes oversharing maybe a teensy bit, LQ

but feel free...

I am doing the same on my birthday thread

Has anyone seen my birthday thread ? < innocent >

LeQueen PMSL

I met my DH when I was 16 and he was 20. Been together 15 years now. But I think there's something a bit wrong with a 17 year old lad wanting to go out with a 13 year old. Why on earth not go with girls his own age. Alarm bells would be ringing for me.

stuck ?

here

yanbu
ds is 17 and I would not like hime going out with a child

I don't see the problem. When I was 13 I was with an 18 year old - but then I was mature for my age, and he was... Well, not It was much more a mental thing than a physical thing for me, in all honesty. DP is 15 years older than me but we get on fantastically. I think age is just a number.

To be frank, if a 13 year old wants to have sex, they are just as likely to do it with someone the same age as them than someone older. 13 years olds are very sexually chraged, they don't nessicarily need the influence of someone older to help out on the inspiration!

I was 14 and DH 18 when we got together. There were a few raised eyebrows and 'chats' from both sets of parents but I was a very mature 14 year old and he was not very streetwise really.

We've been together 26 years and married for 20. We are complete soul mates and still very much in love.

I can't say how I'd feel if my DDs (15 and 12) came home with an older boyfriend but I wouldn't really be in a position to criticise.

I suppose all you can do as a parent is hope you've instilled enough self respect in them so they think hard before getting into anything physical.

I was going to say that you also need to know where they are, but has already been said my parents thought they always knew where I was ......