To absolutley NOT want to spend Sunday entertaining my children?

[coolma]

I feel rubbish about this, but I am sooooo fed up. Dh ill upstairs (and he really is, he's normally all over the place on a sunday...) ds9 upstairs on his ps and dd3 has taken all the dining rooms chairs in the front room to make a castle which she wants me to sit in.. All I want to do is sit down with a book and a coffee, then go to the gym to relax for a while. I'm seriously getting stressed with the house being a tip and failing to keep on top of it. Ironing, clothes for tomorrow, messy rooms etc etc.. Every Friday I dread the next two days as I really don;t want to be 'playing' with the children on my weekends off. I have a stressful job (God I wish I could go part tiem but that's impossible) and need the break. We aren't in a position to 'get out' together for an evening, let alone have one of those 'weekend breaks away' that agony aunt type people smugly suggest and I am, actually, going mad!!
Is this hideously unreasonable, or reasonably normal? Just read this back and I sound awful

I know how you feel

That's part of the problem of being a working parent

You have far less me-time than the sahp or the part-time working parent

I've been entertaining children all day - and cooking with them too which was fun

Could you do stuff after they go to bed? I can get hours of stuff done even now.

I think it is pretty normal to feel like this whether you are a SAHM or working full time, but it is a bit unreasonable when you have 2 dc, to expect to read a book and go to the gym during family time.
Could you do 2 hours of good quality family time (walk in the woods, park, swimming) and then it would not be unreasonable to expect them to play on their own for a bit. Although at 3 this would entirely depend on the child!

I'm sure people might think YABU, but I totally understand how you feel some weekends.
DH has to always work one of the days of the weekend, and on the other I try and think of something fun to do like go to the park with friends, zoo, science museum etc. But there are still 8 other hours to fill. Don't mind sticking the TV on for a couple of hours, but then there are 6 more hours, and sometime would love just to put feet up all afternoon and not play 'secret messages' - the game of choice this afternoon from DD.

I really love mine too, and most weekends it is not a prob, but today I have no energy, its pissing with rain and they have had the TV for a total of 4 hours so far.

So I second your 'blah'.

Not unreasonable at all. Sorry, but I'm an adult, I grew out of making play-dens 35 years ago and have no desire to do so any more. I do have a desire to catch up on hoards of paperwork and bills, drink copious amounts of tea whilst MNing working on the laptop, walk the dogs and start renovating an antique table and thats what I'm doing this afternoon. My children will have to amuse themselves, they won't die because of it.

There is no crime in being an adult and wanting to do adult things.

yanbu. tbh this is why i went back to work ptime. i really don't want to have to entertain my ds all day every day. i do find it quite boring but at least 3 days a week i can have a bit of me time at work!

yuck that makes me sound horrid i do love spending time with ds especially now he's older but i know what you mean, sometimes a cup of tea and a good book is much more appealing!

Are your children young?

Can'y you plan your time to some extent so that you do something with the kids that they'll enjoy and then hore a dvd for them so you can sit and have a coffee?

I think your OP is quite sad actually. You chose (I assume) to have kids, yet you dread your weekends playing with them? So you work full time while they are cared for by others, they go to bed when you get home, and you still cant give them attention at the weekend? Jeez, I feel sorry for your kids who quite obviously just want your attention.

Can't you get your DD to add some cushions to her castle, so you can lounge there with your book? You could be the princess-with-a-book who cannot be woken for 100 years. Or be Rapunzel, and let her brush your hair, or massage your head for you.

Not ideal, I know, but a compromise.

(By the way, I'm totally with you. YANBU)

I work full time, have a long commute and am a single mum. My weekdays are very challenging and so are my weekends. I know which I prefer - weekends! At least I am in the company of the person I love most in the world.

I find it hard to fit everything in and am now organising to get a cleaner and send the ironing out too. There simply aren't enough hours in the evenings and weekends to do everything. Now I've made that decision everything seems easier.

Ds (5) does activities at weekends because he can't do anything after school (I'm not home in time). We spend part of the weekends doing that, part doing errands/chores and part chilling where ds will play and I can do whatever I want to. We do things together but not all the time.

I know how you feel, even though I only work part-time and my DC are now at school - I remember those days

I don't know how old your DC are, but I find that often having friends round actually means that you can get some time to yourself as they play together. Also, as Mollie says, if they do a club you can at least read a book while they are doing it

Can def sympathise - I'm a lone parent so it's just me and two DCs, and wet weekends can seem very long. And don't talk to me about half terms and holidays... It gets easier as they get older, but when DD was 3 or 4 and I was exhausted, I occasionally resorted to games of 'hospital' or 'beauty parlour': I could lie on the sofa and read/watch TV/snooze, while she was busy bandaging my arm/painting my toenails/brushing my hair. Lazy, but sometimes needs must....

You are totally NBU. I have the luck to have DP around and have been hiding in my bedroom reading a book for a couple of hours. I couldn't face the increased mess of the weekend and am just so tired of breaking up arguments and dealing with 'stuff'
Came down refreshed and made a victorian costume for DD1's theatre visit at school.

I think your OP is quite sad actually. You chose (I assume) to have kids, yet you dread your weekends playing with them? So you work full time while they are cared for by others, they go to bed when you get home, and you still cant give them attention at the weekend? Jeez, I feel sorry for your kids who quite obviously just want your attention.

Just what I was expecting. sigh.

^That's copied from an earlier poster btw. And is why I put originally that I felt I was being awful

But most other posters do not say that coolma.

Totally with you. This is teh same for me every weekend.

And my OH is not ill... just prefers to sit on the laptop with the TV on playing on Facebook whilst I run myself ragged.

Explain to the children that mummy needs a bit of peace and quiet to read her book and drink a cup of tea and then you will play with them.

I think needs to realise that you are not just there for them all the time. You are still your own person.

Good luck.

I would have thought your 9 yr old can amuse himself so the only issue is the 3 yr old. Ds at that age was very good at playing by himself as he didn't have a choice. I did more with him then than I do now so it isn't as if this is your life forever. Of course you also have a dp who can get involved when he is feeling better.

If you dread every weekend then you need to be organised and plan some time you can have for yourself. Having children is all about sacrifices but with it must be possible to get a balance. Lots of parents would be envious of the fact that you have a job and a partner.

I know. It's mad feeling like this. I think it's just because I'm in a reasonably new position at work and feeling stressed out about it all. I've been a 'mummy' for nearly twenty years and am exhausted . I've actually made it to the library today and got a book out called 'How to Get Things Done'!!!! Time management and work/life balancy type stuff needed methinks. Mollie I know how lucky I am with my family - that's why I'm feeling so crap about feeling like this (does that make sense?!)

The work stress should either reduce as you settle into your new role or you will learn how to manage it better, so hopefully this is a temporary feeling. In the meantime you need to sort things out with dh so he does more.

When I am at my most stressed I make lists (at home and at work). Some days I don't even get to the list but other days I do and it is very satisfying to be able to cross things off. The other thing that helps is to have a routine and try and stick with it. I can do that at home within reason but not at work. My work is reactive rather than proactive and that can be incredibly stressful as no two days are the same and you never know what the next call or email will bring. It helps my stress if I feel that I do have some control over aspects of my life, even if it isn't everything and all the time.

sighs

Completely torn if you are being unreasonable or not.

Firstly we do have high expectations of ourselves these days. I honestly can't remember many occasions when I was a young child that my mother threw herself into playing with me, although perhaps I may have more happy childhood memories if she had. What I'm trying to say is that it is a fairly recent invention this concept that our younglings have to be constantly entertained. Having said that as I work 4 days a week I tend to fall into this trap as well as I hate the time I have with DS to be anything other than enjoyable for him.

Secondly I know easier said than done, but can you try to limit it to bursts of full attention time rather than half arsed all day long attempts. I find with DS (3.5) that he will sometimes give me some peace if I tell him that I am going to give him my full attention for 15 minutes or however long but he absolutely must let me sit down and drink a cup of tea afterwards.

Finally I'm glad that you mention that most of the work stress may be caused by the fact its a new job. If you are at the stage where you are consistently tired at the weekend and get little enjoyment from spending time with your family then something needs to change and I would say that regardless of gender.

Never mind the young one will be in bed soon and then you can relax a bit.