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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To absolutley NOT want to spend Sunday entertaining my children?

125 replies

coolma · 22/11/2009 15:10

I feel rubbish about this, but I am sooooo fed up. Dh ill upstairs (and he really is, he's normally all over the place on a sunday...) ds9 upstairs on his ps and dd3 has taken all the dining rooms chairs in the front room to make a castle which she wants me to sit in.. All I want to do is sit down with a book and a coffee, then go to the gym to relax for a while. I'm seriously getting stressed with the house being a tip and failing to keep on top of it. Ironing, clothes for tomorrow, messy rooms etc etc.. Every Friday I dread the next two days as I really don;t want to be 'playing' with the children on my weekends off. I have a stressful job (God I wish I could go part tiem but that's impossible) and need the break. We aren't in a position to 'get out' together for an evening, let alone have one of those 'weekend breaks away' that agony aunt type people smugly suggest and I am, actually, going mad!!
Is this hideously unreasonable, or reasonably normal? Just read this back and I sound awful

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 22/11/2009 18:04

raises both hands

CaptainUnderpants · 22/11/2009 18:04

is there a sport/activity that your DS age 9 can get involved with on a Sunday morning - rugby, football etc - wear him out in the mor ing then he can chill out in the afternoon ?

You can sit in thr castle and chill out it's not asthough she is asking you to build it ?

I think with having kids sometimes the lazy Sundays we used to know go out the window - lazy around drinking coffee , reading the papers going to the gym.

I k now the weather was awful this way this moirning but sometimes kids are better out than in .

I think you are being a touch unreasonable . If you work full time then can't you get a cleaner in and help tidy up , if you go to the gym and have gym membership then I asuume that some monmey coulod be spare to pay for a cleaner ?

Or drop the gym membership , pay for a cleaner and do 'free' exercise like running ,walking or cycling ?

Original poster
coolma · 22/11/2009 18:08

^hee hee - I do! I'm maybe being a bit harsh on myself. Me and the dd did make cakes yesterday and I have been reading to her this morning. I do try^ but then it feels it not enough time spent with her. Bum, going round in mad circles here

OP posts:
Original poster
coolma · 22/11/2009 18:09

DD9 plays football on a saturday morning.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 22/11/2009 18:11

It is annoying at that age though. DH has been away for the weekend ( have just escaped as he returned) and DS has absolutely loved the fact that there is no one to distract my attention from him. He would happily have me "play shopkeeper" for hours (involves sitting in his room and making his toys talk and buy things). I should have been more organised and got some play dates sorted, but because I'm working during the week I don't quite get round to it, plus I don't know the other preschool mums that well as the Childminder takes him 4 days a week.

They will get older.

selectivememory · 22/11/2009 18:12

Children don't have to be 'entertained' incessently. IMO the more you 'entertain' them, the more they expect. Can't they just do nothing for the weekend as well? Let them build dens with the furniture, make a mess, do dressing up or whatever, watch tv. It's a bit hard to read a book or obviously leave them to go to the gym (that is a bit unreasonable) but I don't see why you can't lie about on the settee, drinking tea while they play round you. Then have a massive blitz on the tidying up at the last minute.

Did you say you have been doing this for 20 years? So you must know, it gets better as they get older

Original poster
coolma · 22/11/2009 18:15

DS has football I mean - derrrr. Yes, my eldest 1s 19! Not sure if it's easier or harder now's she (sort of) gone

OP posts:
QandA · 22/11/2009 18:17

Completely agree with rookiemater

jobhuntersrus · 22/11/2009 18:19

As others have said yanbu to feel like this every now and then, we all need a break. If you genuinely feel like this every weekend then something needs to change somewhere.

monkeyfacegrace · 22/11/2009 18:24

Fishface accepted!
But my point was more about the fact that she dreads EVERY friday, not just having a one off shit day. I have quite regular days like OP, but not every weekend! Id be really sad if my mum dreaded her time with me

sarah293 · 22/11/2009 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
coolma · 22/11/2009 18:35

I guess it's not so much a case of dreading my time with them as such, but just dreading the fact that there will be no let up - no peace, no alone-ness. Even when dh takes them out, I know that it's temporary. By that, I no way mean I wish they wouldn't come back but what it is I'm beginning to finally realise is that we need a night without them - have had one in four years. It would be lovely to come home one Friday night knowing that someone was going to be looking after them somewhere else, just so me and dh could do exactly what we wanted. This isn't really how i phrased it originally is it . I sound like a dreadful old bag reading back. Now, I feel even worse as they have both been happily playing on their own for the last hour or so!

OP posts:
AliGrylls · 22/11/2009 18:42

The reason why we played in the streets more (I also recall we had to do this as a child) was because our mothers were slaving in the kitchen / cleaning and doing everything generally and therefore had less time to play.

Also, Riven how do you feel about your newfound fame?

monkeyfacegrace · 22/11/2009 18:47

Oh Coolma Im sorry, I didnt mean to make things worse for you! I guess Im opinionated (sp?) as my exH has just started having our 3 yr old from Sat9am to Mon 9am and by midday on Sat Im pining for her back! I work too, and the thought of those weekends where I dont have her is so awful, Id give anything to be in your situation and have them around! Trust me, when they aren't, you even kid yourself that their whining is cute They grow up so fast as you know, so just enjoy them. Plan an activity every day. I always do one thing for the kids, all morning, so in the afternoon I can sit back, feel proud that Ive been a good mummy, and relax.
Weekend mornings are swimming, soft play centre, painting, cake baking, salt dough moulding, or winter nature walks. Then a nice family lunch. Then from 1.30 onwards, they get plonked down to watch a Disney film, or play quietly with lego etc, and never ask for my attention as they have had lots. So thats 4 hours that I have to myself!
Try it, it works.

morningpaper · 22/11/2009 18:52

YANBU AT ALL

katiestar · 22/11/2009 18:54

Ye Gods , why did you ever bother having DC if you wanted to work all week and spend your weekends reading or at the gym.
Never mind it'll soon be Monday and you can be free of the little millstones children until next saturday!

SerendipitousHarlot · 22/11/2009 18:57

Not helping, katiestar

Ivykaty44 · 22/11/2009 18:58

children need to be entertaining themselves not getting mumt to sit in a castle ade from dinning room chairs - that what dolls are for

katiestar · 22/11/2009 19:00

Maybe AIBU is the wrong place to post then , because I think she is !

Ivykaty44 · 22/11/2009 19:03

we are programed to procreate thats the real reason we have children we are animals.

morningpaper · 22/11/2009 19:04

I love my children more than anything in the world

they can still talk boring mindless drivel for hours on end

piscesmoon · 22/11/2009 19:08

YANBU. I think it unfair to say 'why bother having DCs'. We are all different. I can play and enjoy playing but I need a bit of time to do nothing in silence. Everyone needs a bit of time to 'stand and stare' and recharge their batteries. It is honest to say so.

katiestar · 22/11/2009 19:09

Yes but those little animals have needs ,and their needs take priority over ours.
I think the OP wishing herself away from her kids either physically at the gym , or mentally engrossed in a book during the little time they do have together ,is very worrying.

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:11

Coolma - You really have to gain a few hours for yourself every weekend. Insist on going to the gym for two hours and your dh looks after the children, sick or not, he can manage two hours.

Make the children help you tidy up, and then insist that they play in their own bedroom .

If you have a few hours to yourself, then you will want to actually do thing with your children, and it can be fun doing crafts/going swimming/going to the woods or whatever. But it's only fun if you have a bit of adult time as well.

Easier said then done I know, good luck and I hope next weekend is better.

Bonsoir · 22/11/2009 19:12

I don't think the OP is being at all unreasonable to want some personal space during her busy week and I don't think her children are at all unreasonable to want some Mummy-time at the weekend. It's a classic case of conflict of interest...