Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To absolutley NOT want to spend Sunday entertaining my children?

125 replies

coolma · 22/11/2009 15:10

I feel rubbish about this, but I am sooooo fed up. Dh ill upstairs (and he really is, he's normally all over the place on a sunday...) ds9 upstairs on his ps and dd3 has taken all the dining rooms chairs in the front room to make a castle which she wants me to sit in.. All I want to do is sit down with a book and a coffee, then go to the gym to relax for a while. I'm seriously getting stressed with the house being a tip and failing to keep on top of it. Ironing, clothes for tomorrow, messy rooms etc etc.. Every Friday I dread the next two days as I really don;t want to be 'playing' with the children on my weekends off. I have a stressful job (God I wish I could go part tiem but that's impossible) and need the break. We aren't in a position to 'get out' together for an evening, let alone have one of those 'weekend breaks away' that agony aunt type people smugly suggest and I am, actually, going mad!!
Is this hideously unreasonable, or reasonably normal? Just read this back and I sound awful

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 22/11/2009 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:14

Bonsoir - but I think it is possible for the OP to have a few hours of time to herself, and spend a decent amount of time doing things with her children. Her dh has to help!

Also Coolma can you get a cleaner on a friday so the house is a bit tidier for the weekend?

piscesmoon · 22/11/2009 19:16

I think it is quite good for DCs to know that parents like to play sport or read a book-it sets a good example.

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:17

And also Coolma do things with your children that you enjoy. For example I hate hate hate board games - I find them painfully boring - so that's dh's job to play them with my children. But I love crafts, sewing, and taking the children swimming, and do all of those things regularly. I don't think you should force yourself to do things you absolutely hate, but again your dh has to help!

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:18

exactly piscesmoon. None of us should be martyrs to our children's needs. They need to see us being happy.

punchandjudy · 22/11/2009 19:19

YANBU My dh workes every single weekend..and has his 2 days off in the week for the 2 days I work all day. So we NEVER have family time together...on top of that his 3 remaining workdays he has to be at work by 6am. So we don't even see him in the mornings. AND on top of that ds is being assessed for asd so is very hard work.

And I think the crucial thing about weekends is, is that EVERYONE else is doing 'family' things together..so friends and family we may see in the week are busy.

So I know how you feel coolma..the weekend is hard and very very long. But this weekend I think I may have cracked it! Today we went for a horse riding lesson...it was fab. Ds loved it (he is 4)and it will give a focus to our sundays...a time to work towards to get ready to leave, and by the time we get back, have had a bath it was around 4.30...so not an unreasonable time to stick the telly on for ds, whilst I cooked dinner.

Now I just need something for us to do on a Saturday!!

Oblomov · 22/11/2009 19:20

i think katiestar is unreasonable.
if she is totally child centred , then that is her choice.
my two children are part of a family. the world , what appears to be becoming a more and more child centred world, does not evolve around them.
They are as important as any other member of this family. dads wishes wants and needs are as important as the childrens. And mine too.

Give yourself a break OP.
Some days we do playing cake baking, sometimes we slob around int e lounge the boys, and yes I have a6 yr old and a 1 yr old, and both of them entertain themselves ( I know not every child does - my sil spends every single minute of her life taking them to activities and doing stuff for them - thats her choice), dh and I have read the papaers.
And we have done very little all day other than slob around and watch a bit if tv etc etc.
It is not a crime.

Oblomov · 22/11/2009 19:23

why do childrens needs take priority over ours, katie, over anyones?
why are a childs needs more important than a mum or a dads ?

verytellytubby · 22/11/2009 19:24

Train the 9 year old to play with the 3 year old so you can read the papers in peace. My 7 year old is brilliant with my DT's and I do get a bit of peace.

I understand your feelings but it does make me feel sad. I live for the weekends and yes it gets noisy and messy but I love being with them. You sound burnt out. Book a weekend away with some friends and come back refreshed and you will enjoy your kids more.

ps. TV!

monkeyfacegrace · 22/11/2009 19:24
Bonsoir · 22/11/2009 19:29

But the DH is ill in bed! I agree that he should help, but he isn't able to.

piscesmoon · 22/11/2009 19:29

I think that benign neglect is very good for them and you don't have to jump in everytime they are bored-it is good for them to have to use their own imagination. I did a lot with mine when they were little, and enjoyed it, but I did like a bit of time off!

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:32

So what he's ill in bed!He should take a couple of paracetamol and get up! Us mothers have to look after our children ill or not, but if a father is ill, he gets to spend the whole weekend in bed!

Bonsoir · 22/11/2009 19:34

I don't think that's a very useful perspective, Belgo .

I completely sympathise with the OP, but I suspect that it was just going to be a tough weekend for her...

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:35

Oh I think it's very useful if it makes him get up and help out for a couple of hours, and it stops Coolma going crazy from having to do everything.

Ivykaty44 · 22/11/2009 19:37

when I had dc I thought that there childhoods would be like my own - playing out all day and expolring, a bit of tv watching and playing nancy nurse with all my teds and monopoly with the cat (who always lost). I didn't realise that someone would come along and change the rules and say oh mummy you have to play with your dc when they are children or why on earth did you have children.

Bonsoir · 22/11/2009 19:37

If her DH is ill, he is ill... he has to go to work tomorrow and needs the rest. That would be the first priority in our family.

morningpaper · 22/11/2009 19:38

I agree IvyKaty - my parents never sat down and PLAYED with me, they were busy doing dull grown-up stuff ...

belgo · 22/11/2009 19:38

Coolma also has to go to work tomorrow and needs the rest....

Bonsoir · 22/11/2009 19:39

Sure, but she isn't ill.

The real problem is that this family is overstretched and doesn't have any slack...

MollieO · 22/11/2009 19:44

VTT whose supposed to look after the children whilst the OP and her dh go away for a weekend?

foxinsocks · 22/11/2009 19:44

I think it's the full time working treadmill coolma rather than an issue between you and your children. I have stages when I feel like that (wake up, commute, work, commute, sort out kids, cook, sort out stuff for next day, finish work I never finished earlier as rushing off to get home, finally sit down at 9.30pm to try and watch something inane on telly, fall asleep in front of telly, bed, wake up, commute, work etc. etc.)

you need something to look forward to - there's nothing you can do to change the way your days pan out but you can try and find something, even if it's small, that you can work towards. I try and have something every 6 weeks or so otherwise I'd go insane (even something small like managing to go to the local pool for a swim on my own!)

piscesmoon · 22/11/2009 19:46

I like my space now, and I liked my space as a DC too. Having a mother who was 'devoted' to me would have been suffocating! I was quite happy with her saying 'I'll play monopoly in about an hour when I have xxxxx'. I didn't feel deprived or neglected!

MollieO · 22/11/2009 19:47

foxinsocks that sounds like my life!

Doobydoo · 22/11/2009 19:49

Don't think you being unreasonableI think we all think like this at times...Sometimes I would like to gnaw my elbow off
What I think is Unreasonable is what Quattrofangs said re SAHM'I am one and have zero me time!I am returning to work in a few months and know which 'job' I think is the hardest