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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that ginger hair

325 replies

Vallhala · 18/11/2009 23:51

is the most beautiful colour and those with it shouldn't be bullied or taken the micky out of but praised instead?

My twelve year old daughter has been bullied at school for the colour of her hair, so much so that she wants to dye it. This is breaking my heart as her hair colour is absolutely gorgeous, a golden red, and she should be proud of it. She's so upset by the bullying and she feels alone and "different".

So, come on all you redheads and Mums of redheaded children - don't you think that red hair is simply stunning? I want to show her that you might get unkind comments as a child by the ignorant people (she's been called a "ginger C" amongst other things) but when you grow up you realise how much good attention ginger hair gets you and how pretty it is.

OP posts:

ray81 · 19/11/2009 10:47

I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and my husband was very red when he was younger and i am praying for a redheaded child, i think it is so beautiful.

When i was at college there was a girl that had a beautiful colour and i liked it so much she cut a peice off so i could get the hair dresser to match the colour, needless to say it didnt suit me as i am very dark but i have always wanted red hair.
My BF has a daughter who is 8 and she has red hair too right down to her bum and i love it. she doesnt though.

Children can be so cruel but dont let her dye it as like someone else said the bullies would have won then try and teach her to be proud of her hair and who she is. Thats all you can do.

OrmIrian · 19/11/2009 10:49

Ginger hair can be very lovely I agree. And I don't understand why kids get bullied for it. But it isn't always 'gorgeous' any more than raven black or sunny blonde is always gorgeous.

slug · 19/11/2009 11:31

ray81 has hit the nail on the head. If she dyes it, the bullies have won. Once they know they have power over her, the bullying will only get worse.

Red hair is extremely fashionable. Look at Llly Cole, the ultimate pale skinned readhead, yet a supermodel.

red and proud grogeous redheads an american site famous redheads Tshirt

PrammyMammy · 19/11/2009 11:43

When your dd is older she will appreciate her beautiful hair.
Bullies will find anything in anyone, red hair is just easier for them. Honestly, if you are not too fat, you're too thin, you can have too many curls, or boring straight hair, the wrong shoes, a bobbled blazer, wrong shade of black tights, if your skirt is too long you're a geek, if you wear glasses you're specky, freckles, braces. anything.
12 year olds are evil.

I have red hair, and dyed it when i was 14 because of boys at school. I didn't stop dying my hair until i was pg with ds who is almost 2 and i get comments all the time, most days, positive comments on my hair.

Don't let the bullies beat her. Do you or your partner have red hair?

PrammyMammy · 19/11/2009 11:47

DD was almost named Ophelia because of the Millais painting, but dp didn't like it.

epithet · 19/11/2009 11:49

YANBU! Dd2 (4) is a kind of goldeny/strawberry blonde and I find myself longing for it to get redder. People compliment it all the time.

In her Reception class, there are four redheaded boys - each a different shade of red, and each one stunning and gorgeous. I love it - it ticks me off that it is stigmatised in such a stupid way.

fannybanjo · 19/11/2009 11:56

DD! has more strawberry red than ginger hair and I love it but the other day she asked me if she could dye it brown. I don't think anyone has bullied her over it (she is 7) but I think children in general just don't want to "stand out".

I had white blonde hair up until as I was 16 and I was teased as much as the ginger kids. "Come"head was a favourite! Nice...

5inthebed · 19/11/2009 12:02

BOF, I love the colour of your daughters hair. It is gorgeous.

I myself have two DS with gorgeous auburn hair, absolutely stunning. DS1 hates it, he is 6, and already wants to dye it. DS2 has ASD, so couldn't care less. During the school holidays, I was asked 4/5 times if they were mine or if I was their childminder . Just because I have dark hair doesn't mean they're not mine!

I feel sorry for ds3, who has dark hair. When rude people comment that he was the lucky one, I just smile sweetly and say that when he is older he can always dye it the same colour as his brothers so he won't feel left out .

mabh · 19/11/2009 13:02

Another redhead here! God, people can be rude. Fortunately, I've always had a very thick skin about it because my mum (68) and my gran (91) are also red... and are still red. The men in our family adore it, and chose us for it. We are lucky.

I'm very sad to hear Curly say that both parents need the red gene for a baby to turn out red! DH doesn't have any in his family and I am very .

My niece has thick curly red hair and she is stunning. She will still be stunning long after the idiots have given up.

It's the anti-ginger adults that get me. I mean, what are they on? If they said the same about a skin colour, you'd presumably have grounds for prosecution.

Definately worth lots of positive emphasis with red-haired role models - look at the red and proud website.

I also think it interesting that in the US and Australia, red is still seen as rare and beautiful. It's just the UK that deals this crap.

OP Cross fingers your daughter will learn to ignore the twits.

CurlyCasper · 19/11/2009 13:09

mabh it's a recessive gene, so don't lose hope, it could be there somewhere....

CurlyCasper · 19/11/2009 13:17

My article was a long time ago and may have been wrong going by what I've read today. mabh there is a slim hope even if only you carry the gene

An excerpt from this webpage, explains the possibility:

"...the melanocortin 1 receptor, a protein encoded by a gene previously discovered in mice, was responsible for the production of red hair in humans. Everybody has two copies of this gene but there are slight changes in the gene that are very common in European populations. If you have one of about four or five common changes in this gene and, one of these changes are found on both of your chromosomes, then you are likely to have red hair

"A little bit of basic genetics: you have two copies of every gene, you inherit one from your mother and one from your father. If both of these genes are different, with respect to the changes that might lead to red hair, then you will have red hair. If however you only have one change, you have an increased chance of having red hair but, the chances are that you won't have red hair, although you will tend to be more sun sensitive than the average person."

BitOfFun · 19/11/2009 13:18

Yes, dd2's dad and I don't have red hair, and neither did our parents. It only has to lurk somewhere with a great uncle and it can jump out and surprise you

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 19/11/2009 13:26

One of mine has red hair. It's beautiful and I tell him constantly. He currently loves it but he hasn't started school yet.

I will be coaching him to say a very calm but very firm "Keep your racist views to yourself" for any comments.

And yes I know it's over the top, but I also know just how hurt some of my friends were by bullying due to being a redhead (friends who are all beautiful and successful adults BTW)

I hate to think of my lovely boy being picked on because of his colour.

mabh, neither I nor DH, nor any of our parents, have red hair, but it is in the family. There is hope.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/11/2009 13:26

ds (2) has strawberry blonde hair, most people like it and compliment him on it but we did have one guy (friend of a friend) see a picture of him on facebook and say "aaw, what a shame, another ginger in the world" I laid into him, I daresay he thought he was being hilarious but it wasn't funny, that's my son you're talking about!

nickelbabe · 19/11/2009 13:45

my big sister is proper ginger (although it has changed naturally a few times from copper through to auburn and a little bit darker : i think it's the amount of sun she gets), i'm strawberry blonde and my litle sister is white blonde.

I know someone earlier said that strawberry blonde isn't a real colour, but mine really is! I was always quite disappointed growing up that my hair was neither blonde nor ginger. i wanted it to be more red tahn it is, and when i was in 6th form i used to tint it with a dye. i always said mine looks like gold in the sun!

what about Anne of Green Gables? she was auburn too.

I'm a bit disappointed that my OH hasn't got ginger in him (dark haired and not even any ginger specks in his stubble) because i know ginger is recessive and i really want red-haired children! my family has really fine, straight hair too, so it would look really lovely in that colour.

Squishabelle · 19/11/2009 13:54

I was bullied mercilessly at school. I think gingerism is a form of discrimination equally as bad as racism.

2babyblues · 19/11/2009 13:55

One of my friends has long red hair and when she goes out she wears it in big curls and it is gorgeous. How about talking to her about famous (glamorous) people with red hair like Nicole Kidman and Isla Fisher - sure there are more younger ones too just can't think of any!

Waspie · 19/11/2009 13:58

The problem isn't the red hair, it's the lack of eyebrows/eyelashes and skin that burns if you even glance sideways at the sun.

I hated being the kid who had to wear a t-shirt in the swimming pool on holiday and had to get out every hour to be "re-creamed" in SPF50 and I'm that this will be my son's fate too as he is red haired and fair skinned.

We shall be going on holiday to cold, dank, miserable places

midnightexpress · 19/11/2009 14:02

DS1 (4) is standing next to me now with his gorgeous mop of ginger hair. I adore it. It stops old ladies in their tracks in the supermarket and is a wonder to behold. I hate hate hate the idea that he might get bullied at school in future because of it . I comfort myself with the thought that at least, since we're in Scotland, the odds are that there will be more than one redhead in his class.

I think also that it may be worth pointing out to your DD that redheads are rare and v special.

Seuss · 19/11/2009 14:11

I'm ginger and always quite like it really. I did get some stick at school, but still kind of liked that my hair was a bit unusual. For some reason as a teenager the boys in my class were obsessed with what colour my pubes were, but it passed. What colour did they think they'd be???

noddyholder · 19/11/2009 14:13

lash and brow tint and a sqirt of st tropez and i was transfomed

Seuss · 19/11/2009 14:16

I used to dye my eyelashes (in the days when I cared!)

SkipToMyLou · 19/11/2009 14:18

Oh yes, have to eyelash dye and do my brows, bit of a bugger but there's worse in life!

penona · 19/11/2009 14:35

Ah poor DD. I remember years of being bullied about my hair on the school bus. Mostly by boys who have grown up to be complete twats, but I didn't know that then . I hated mine until I was in early 20s, then I LOVED being different. People always comment on my hair, I don't need to spend a fortune on colouring, as long as it looks clean and combed I don't worry too much about the rest of me! (altho I do dye eyebrows and lashes religiously!!).

BUT, that's not much good to a child. She probably can't imagine being 16 let alone in her 20s!! I think as the others say, if she's not bullied about this, it'll be something else, glasses, height, whatever. At least she knows what it is. She'll just have to learn to ignore it somehow, however it is that kids get over bullies.

Both my DCs have red hair. At least I know now what they will be picked on for at school!!

BTW, that bloody Catherine Tate sketch had a lot to answer for. IMO it is like racist bullying. Hmmph.

8oreighty · 19/11/2009 14:38

I am ginger...and grew up mostly in america where it is considered a good thing. I don't get the stigma here...it's lame. But I think there is more of a need here for people to all fit in and be the same, I experienced that in school,so maybe that's part of it.

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