to still be annoyed by being questioned on whether my DS was MINE when flying - because we have different surnames?

[mojomama]

i really just need to 'park it' BUT - when recently flying with my 14month old, a jumped-up passport control bloke detained me and questioned "how do i know he's yours?", because my son has a different surname to me, and, after I'd being driven to the point of apoplexy, suggested, in future, i "travel with a letter from his father giving permission"!!!! What if his dad had passed away?! i was sooo cross, but he started to look like he wouldn't let me board so i calmed down enough to get past him - AIBU???

To reiterate what's been said before: this is not an issue of differing names, it's an issue of travelling alone with a child. THat by itself will cause problems in many places (including Canada, where as I posted earlier I was detained briefly with my daughter). So no need to go changing your passport, it won't solve anything.

I do think this is occasional overzealousness and part of the problem is that it's not consistently applied, even in countries like Canada which are known for being difficult about it.

Most countries have information on their websites about this but the rule of thumb is carry a letter if you are travelling on your own.

See below from Canadian immigration:

Children under the age of 18 should have valid identification with them. If you are travelling with a child and you are not the child?s parent or guardian, you should have a letter from the child?s parent or guardian authorizing entry into Canada. If you are the child?s only guardian, you should have documents to show there is no other guardian. For example, a birth certificate that does not identify the father would be suitable.

StewieGriffin's mum: agree, it is hilarious that Canada is so officious! I am Canadian and it doesn't exactly give you the Welcome Home fuzzies.

My detaining episode was in Edmonton, and I have to say I've had equally bad experiences in Calgary with rude customs staff. I find it amazing that JFK (which surely has a bigger problem with illegal attempts at entry and people coming from many more destinations) has extremely friendly and helpful customs staff whereas Edmonton and Calgary, those well-known transport hubs, are full of jerks. Not enough to do, I think! My 66 year old mother was told off and nearly pulled out of line for having two passports in Calgary. Fortunately she was travelling with my lawyer father, who pointed out that it is indeed legal in Canada to have dual citizenship and you are required to carry both on leaving/departing - the supervisor agreed!

And also, having read the stuff I posted above, it of course says nothing about having to have a letter! Just makes it clear it's advisable.

Big Canadian hijack!

Madbad -

A UK Border Policeman gave the letter to me and it is addressed Home Office UK Border Agency. I was given the letter and so was the woman behind me whose son had her and her husband's surname rather than exactly the same surname as her and like my dd is British but born in France. We chatted about it afterwards and felt that those two factors might = a talking to and the letter.

The key paragraphs of the letter are I quote...

1. "In the course of our work, we encounter many children in different circumstances, and are aware of the need to ensure that any vulnerable children are properly identified and referred to the appropriate agencies."

2. "It may be helpful in future you travel with a letter of consent from the child's parent or legal guardian detailing travel and stay arrangements."

Orally I was informed today it is fine but in the future we might not be able to travel without a letter and a birth certificate so I must make sure I have these with me. The woman behind me had the same "serious chat".

I have a different surname to my kids. DH has the same surname but he still has to have a letter of authorisation from me if he takes the kids to his home country (in North Africa) even though they are also on his passport for that country (that also required my formal consent).This is a requirement laid down by his country of origin because of child abduction concerns.Clearly this is not a sexist issue as it even affects blokes who have the same name as the kids. In his country they produce a formal "family book" which details the info of the parents and children. We've got one from the UK consulate to deal with the different names issue but he still needs to carry my authorisation letter to be sure he can take the kids there without me.

God - many passport control people are officious morons in a dead end job with poor pay and prospects, and it's their only opportunity to delude themselves that they have power and influence and impute meaning to their sorry lives. I usually indulge them since I am so much more fortunate then they are

I'd be cross too in your situation.

oops - can I rescind that, am a bit inebriated...

I (grudgingly) acknowledge that there are reasons why border control officers take a certain stand point - and child abduction by estranged parents is a possibility...but I do stand by the fact that they are often unnecessarily adversarial in their approach. A little courtesy and a few interpersonal skills would go a long way

StewieGriffinsMom, I completely agree. Calgary is the worst in terms of officiousness. I've travelled quite a bit from Ottawa, Vancouver and Montreal, and the people there are pretty nice. We are travelling to Edmonton earlt next year, now that will be a different experience.

I do get asked a lot of questions about DD though, as she's mixed race and does not look like me. That said, she doesn't look like DH either...!

I always take permission letters, and all sorts of other documentations, but that's just me being paranoid. I'd always rather be safe than sorry though.

Once you're out of the immigration office, the rest of the Canadians are pretty friendly

OMG, Roary, now this is going to be fun going to Canada with DD and DH not present.

glad i spotted this thread! i'm taking DS over to eire on the ferry at xmas on my own - DP is following a few days later by plane. DS and i have different surnames but he has my surname as his 2nd middle name so it should be fairly obvious that there's a connection ... guess i should sort out a "permission" (ha ha) letter from DP just in case

becky - my ds has my surname as middle name too but it was me who started this thread!! beware! bewarned! but i'm glad you know what i mean about the (ahem) permission letter!!

My DD has both our surnames, hyphenated, to avoid this very issue.

NickNemo,
I'm an Edmonton girl so it pains me to say it, but really, the immigration procedures there are awful - I have rarely waited so long in line in any other airport just to see a customs agent...sometimes it's ok and the rest of the airport stuff (baggage etc) is efficient. And of course Edmontonians are VERY nice outside the airport!

I have chosen to keep my maiden name too and wasn't keen to hyphenate the children's surnames. It seems strange but it has never crossed my mind that this might be an issue. I guess if the children are old enough to be able to clearly state that you are their mother, it wouldn't be a problem. The 'letter of permission from the father' would have annoyed me too!

how many cannucks are on this thread?!?! am a haligonian myself

Bonsoir - The son of the lady behind me at the Eurostar passport control had a hyphenated name (his Mother and Father's surnames) and she, like me, was also firmly told she needs a letter and birth certificate for travel in future.

That sounds very zealous! I have had the conversation with the douanier before now and they assured me that was not the case. Currently we have passports in various name combinations (!) so are OK, though I think that at next renewal we will only manage hyphenated.

I have noticed in the past couple of years that the passport control people always check that with DD that the first name on her passport is her name. Since she looks very like both me and DP, I'm not sure anyone would doubt her parentage anyway!

I'm sure the mothers whose children have been abducted by their former partners and taken abroad by them will be with you lot on this thread complaining about over-zealousness of Border Agency officials. Maybe if one of them had been a little more zealous those mothers might still be with their children.

Honest to god, it's not the end of the world to be asked for id or a sodding letter is it?

mothers and fathers, sorry.

Yes very zealous (fab word)!

I am, however, interested to discover if ALL children have to have these documents, children not born in the UK or children with different surnames from their parents or... maybe simply children passing by particularly enthusiastic workers? Just so I know where we fit in on the matter and can act accordingly.

My DD was born in the UK and travels there on a UK passport. Was it the UK passport control officer who gave you grief?

The Border Agency has since time immemorial (well since 1991 at least) been told to be vigilant when a child is being taken abroad by one adult. It has nothing to do with names, or nationality.

Bonsoir -

Yes... of course it was the UK passport control officer... I have never had grief from anyone French in Paris ever !!!

To be honest it makes sense to me that I was 'pulled up'. I have been meaning to change my passport for ages and one of the reasons we got married was to make travel easier. What is odd is the woman behind me being 'pulled up' too. This made me wonder -even if I change my name to dds will I have to carry these documents if we are simply not traveling with DH? I don't want me or anyone really to be caught out and not be able to fly/take a train one day because of not having the right papers.

I was forewarned by the registrar when I re-registered DD's birth that if DD didn't have my surname (either singly or hyphenated) I would need to carry her birth certificate at all times when travelling. That seemed a lot of fuss to me. And, as I said, I double-checked this info at passport control one day, and was assured that as long as we both had the same surname somewhere, I didn't need in law to carry any other form of identification.

DP has never crossed a border on his own with DD so we have never tested the situation where there is a combination of nationalities/countries of birth etc. It's always been me and DD, both born in the UK, and our two UK passports, with the same surname.

Having said all that, I am ever-so-slightly paranoid about anyone other than me having control over DD's geographical movements! DP has only just had her French passport made up...