to still be annoyed by being questioned on whether my DS was MINE when flying - because we have different surnames?

[mojomama]

i really just need to 'park it' BUT - when recently flying with my 14month old, a jumped-up passport control bloke detained me and questioned "how do i know he's yours?", because my son has a different surname to me, and, after I'd being driven to the point of apoplexy, suggested, in future, i "travel with a letter from his father giving permission"!!!! What if his dad had passed away?! i was sooo cross, but he started to look like he wouldn't let me board so i calmed down enough to get past him - AIBU???

because a birth certificate lists the parents which could help to get over the different surnames issue?

Edam why didn't I think of that, sigh. Sorry, stupid question now I think of it.

Thinking about it, dh has a different surname to ds (ds has mine and before anyone starts on about feminism, that was dh's choice). I had no idea that if dh travelled with ds on his own he might be cross-questioned. While if I flew with my niece and nephew, apparently that would be fine because we have the same surname... ridiculous.

Jodie, you should see some of the extremely daft things I've said on MN!

Ilovemydog.. the Biometrics bit is as I sai previously about the facial recognition, ie how far apart your eyes are, ears etc. One of the reasons they are very particular over photos, though I dont know how this helps with childrens photos.

It seems a big missed opportunity to store info that could be usefull

Lol, it's funny sometimes how you can say something and not realise at all, like I just did. Hehe.

Yes, edam, it would.

But it would tell you nothing about whether the parents were separated and/or one parent was fleeing the country with the child but without the other parent's knowledge or consent. These are Hague Convention concerns.

edam, I think you need to consider that you and your dh/p are joint parents, neither has more right that the other over your children.

Just because you know you and your dh are in agreement, doesn't mean anybody else knows it. They need to ask/ see proof if those are the requirements of that country.

And yes, it could be got round, but it would come out pretty damn quick that they had forged permission...not a good look when trying to claim innocence of child abduction.

Its a step in the right direction. Some might see it as officiousness or being a jobsworth, but if you are the parent of a child abducted by another parent, you would go down on your knees thanking them for not believing some shitbag's story of taking their kids for a holiday.

If that means that you and I have to carry a couple more bits of paper, then thats fine by me.

As I said before, I try not to think about what might happen if exp decided to take ds back to his home country and keep him there. I am only thankful he comes from Canada, who are so strict on it. So I am prepared to let him go on that basis. (not that I think there is any risk, but you just never know what goes on in people's heads).

And that is without looking at the whole appalling issue of child trafficking. Victoria Cliembe was brought to this country by her "aunt". Maybe a little more rigour might have averted the tragedy of that child's life.

Whenever I leave the country with any children I take their passport, a laminated copy of the passport, my passport, their birth certificate, my birth certificate, and marriage certificates/divorce papers/CON deeds and a letter of permission from any absent parents (so both parents if traveling with a child who is not mine IYSWIM).

This is regardless of whos name they do or do not have. It has been the case for a long time that you should be able to prove who you are to a child and that you have consent to remove them from the country. I don't really see why it would be a big deal TBH.

Haven't read the whole thread, but we had the opposite experience. We adopted our DS, and prior to the adoption being finalised went through at least 8 immigration departments with a child with a different surname, nationality and race and we were NEVER questioned. I was quite shocked. We actually DID have a letter from Social Services (we're in Singapore) allowing us to travel. Even now (same name and nationality) I still carry his birth certificate when travelling just in case.

YABU. I always take birth certificates as well as passports. surely being over cautious is better than just assuming that every adult is the parent of the child they are with.

Eeek...haven't read the whole thread but, it doesn't surprise me all that much. I was questioned quite heavily on arrival in Canada with DD, despite the fact we have the SAME surname. The fact that my husband (her dad) was not travelling with us at the time was a cause for concern to passport control. He wanted to know whether OH knew I had come to Canada with DD and whether we were separated (we weren't). He didn't ask for documentary evidence though and agreed to let us in, thankfully.

If nothing else, it's made me think that it'd be worth getting my DH to write a "permission" letter when I fly back to the UK alone with DS in 3 weeks.

YABU.
I travel alone with one kid from time to time - always take a letter from his dad with contact numbers.
It has nothing to do with having a different surname, it is to prevent kids being taken illegally away from the other parent

I live in France and even though DD has my surname I have to travel with proof she is my daughter - since I don't have the relevant French paperwork this means her birth certificate. That is not unreasonable. The letter from the father part is. But they are right to be cautious, so next time be prepared and accept it.

I travelled from the uk to the usa with my ds and dd at least twice a year from when they were born until my ds was 5 and we moved back to the usa. Neither of them have my last name and neither of them look the least bit like me (dh has strong genes). I was never once stopped or even questioned. In fact on one trip I brought my stepdaughter with me and although I did get a letter from her mum in case I was stopped, I wasn't.
But having said that, I wouldn't mind being questioned. It seems to me that it hopefully means that they might just stop someone someday who was abducting a child.

Thing is, Hula's post ages ago outlines the right approach - how these things can be done without pissing people off. If only the people mojo dealt with had treated her in the same way, I'm sure she'd have been fine about it.

MadameD, yes, that's my point - dh and I are both ds's parents so neither of us needs the other one's permission to do anything (although just occasionally I may raise my eyebrows and sigh a bit at some of dh's decisions)...

Oh, and I wish border control would TELL people in advance they need all this documentation, that would probably avoid a. pissing people off and b. people not having the right paperwork in the first place. I had no idea this was an issue. Probably because I haven't taken ds overseas on my own - but then, when dh and I travel together, dh could easily be mistaken for a step-parent as he has a different surname from ds and me. So there could well in theory be a biological father who doesn't know I'm travelling...

I have seen this subject come up a few times on different forums and it did come up that Mexico has pretty strict rules, regarding immigration and children. I'm not sure how correct this is

Not read the enite thread, but I travel on my own quite a lot with ds. I didn't change my name when I married dh, and ds has both our surnames.

We travelled to NZ earlier this year, who are apperently very hot on this sort of thing, and even though ds has my surname as well as my husbands, I was advised (by NZ embassy) to take ds birth cert, my marrige cert and a letter from dh giving permisson for ds to travel. They did check at immigration, as even though one of ds double barelled name is the same as mine, it is technically a different surname.

I also travel boarders with dd a lot. We have different surnames. I had never been asked about it until last week.

This week I was given a letter saying it is a good idea to have a letter from my dd's guardian (urrrm that will be a letter from me then) and her birth certificate next time we enter Blighty.

I think this is a new tightening up thang!

Does this apply only if you have different surnames or do women with the same name as their children have to carry all this around too?

[seriously considering changing passport to my husband's name asap emotion]

I'll bet it was Canadian customs people. They are HORRID. We are given a hard time every time we enter the country regardless of presenting the letter from dh. (It does not have to be notarized by the way)

I have never ever been stopped and asked for anything leaving the UK, which I do regularly with my kids (2x a year) without dh. He joins us later. The Canadians are overzealous.

A US customs officer once said something similar -
'How do I know this is your daughter?

"Well, here is her birth cert, here is her passport, here is my passport.'

'But you could be lying to me. These might be forged'

arrghhhhhhh

henry, you sort of summed up how i felt: i really don't object to people doing their jobs, and doing them well, at that.

it was the stupidity of it - because he only eventually let us through when i could produce "a piece of paper with both your names on it" - this was possible only because i had a random printout from a flight i'd taken elsewhere that week - ie. something with no worth at all!

oh, and apologies if i seem stupid in posting this - it was my first time travelling with my first child - and this is my first time posting so thanks for the sage advice from many peeps. i have learnt how labyrinthine this issue can be - and yet also how many seem to just pass borders unquestioned!

(for those who are interested - it was a Swiss border - a british ex-pat bloke who lived there (also travelling alone with child) witnessed it all and said it was "typical Swiss behaviour"!, although i couldn't comment on this!)

Tea - Who gave you that letter? The UK Border Agency?