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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that if we have monthly income of £3700 net we could spare £120 to spend on a cleaner?

769 replies

effedorf · 01/11/2009 20:03

3+ years posting here, namechange for obvious reasons.

But, seriously, what do you think?

The income all comes from dh and I am sahm. We have two primary school age children. I truly hate cleaning and I do 95% of the food shopping and cooking and 100% of the laundry and 95% of all the other things that makes a family tick over.

Or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JesusChristOtterStar · 01/11/2009 22:38

get a cleaner - unless your mortgage is vast you can afford it

you only get one life enjoy it

Inghouls2 · 01/11/2009 22:39

Sophable.. eh? How would he be a wanker?
He's keeping his part of the bargain, he's bringing in the dosh, working hard if he's doing weekends.
Op isn't really, she wants a cleaner because she doesn't like it...no other reason.

OrmIrian · 01/11/2009 22:39

I am not the sole breadwinner sophable. I am the main one. But as it happens after years of hating having to work with LOs I am now enjoying it.

But yes, if DH wasn't working and said to me, 'BTW I don't fancy cooking the DC tea so I am going to buy them fish and chips every day' I would have something to say about it. Because there is always something better to do with the money than that. Something that can be done without outsourcing.

Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2009 22:40

sod that, spend the 120 quid and farm the lot out! pmsl at some of the calvinistic kind of roundhead attitude on this thread.

THOU SHALT CLEAN!!!

bodycolder · 01/11/2009 22:41

I agree sophable.It is like make sahm so unpleasant to justify not actually leaving the house every day for 8 hrs! Life is not supposed to always be hard!

Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2009 22:41

inghouls he'd be a wanker for resenting his wife making her life easier by spending some money that they can well afford. very wanky.

quattro, she's said he loves his job and would never give it up.

smokinaces · 01/11/2009 22:41

But effedorf is there £120 spare or would you be taking the money from his sandwich/pub fund? Do you currently have things you spend that amount of money on a month already (i.e. coffee with friends etc)

If the money isnt there it isnt there, a big income means nothing if the outgoings are huge.

nula · 01/11/2009 22:41

sophable I absolutlely do NOT resent working .

I just don't like every minute or aspect of my job. I certainly don't think it is fair that I should have to work harder to pay a cleaner so he can sit on his bum more and not clean the house!

Do we know whether her dh loves to work or not? Can't see that it makes a difference

Original poster
effedorf · 01/11/2009 22:42

Quattro - you've missed my post where I said DH is happy as larry with his lot and loves his job.

OP posts:
Mummee · 01/11/2009 22:42

are none of you in PARTNERSHIPS? as in not 'yours' and 'mine' but rather 'ours'?

They are clearly aren't either or she would just get their money and just pay for a cleaner seeing as she feels she rightly deserves one.

Soph do you have to justify every penny you use in your 'partnership'?

JesusChristOtterStar · 01/11/2009 22:42

as if it matters whether or not she HAS to have a cleaner or WANTS to have one

does is matter apart from for jealous people?

henryhuggins · 01/11/2009 22:43

oh god, just get a cleaner, we have one and of COURSE I could clean myself and use the money for something else, but we can afford it and I LIKE not having to clean.

life is too short

Quattrofangs · 01/11/2009 22:43

I dunno soph

You seem very certain that it's right when it seems all wrong to me

I mean it's not as though the OP is doing anything while they are at school

I'd be a bit grumpy to be working like I don't know what to fund someone else not doing very much

But as you say, I have a very strong work ethic

What does the DH think?

Inghouls2 · 01/11/2009 22:44

honestly Sophable you're missing the point. Marriage is a partnership. The OP has said her DH loves his job, but as he's SE, I bet he hasn't had an easy year.
If he didn't mind effe getting a cleaner, then fantastic...
But he does, so she can't really go ahead and spend £120 a month on something she can do herself in a couple of hours.

nula · 01/11/2009 22:44

smokinaces, yes, that is my household you are describing

Should We get a cleaner because dh (who is at home all day) does not like cleaning?

Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2009 22:44

no i don't. neither does dh.

when times are leaner we both try to save money. when times are good neither of us questions what the other spends. nor would we dream (either of us) resenting the other for making their own life more pleasurable.

OrmIrian · 01/11/2009 22:45

You see I don't see why that is calvinist at all. This isn't about puritanism, it's about taking your fair share of responsibility.

Someone is earning the money. The MN theory appears to be that the non-earning parent at home does the job of 'parenting'. But in this case the parent at home isn't parenting as the kids are at school 6hrs a day. Sooooo.... what is she going to do instead? No-one likes cleaning. Why would they?

bettykitten75 · 01/11/2009 22:45

Get a cleaner if you can afford it. No one ever wished they'd done more freaking housework on their death bed. Have fun if you've got the dosh.

TheFallenMadonna · 01/11/2009 22:46

Why would you want your partner to carry on doing something he or she hates if you can afford for it to stop? I really don't get it.

When I was the sole earner it was because DH was miserable in his job. We both looked for a new one (I was a SAHM who had no plans to return to work at that point). I found one first, so DH resigned and did the SAHD thing for a bit. Then he found another job, we had another baby and I stopped work again.

We are a partnership. We make sure our family are provided for first of all, and then we try to make our lives as enjoyable as we can. Isn't that how it works?

Mummee · 01/11/2009 22:46

Quattro DH thinks she has time to do it, it's not that she doesn't , she says it's coz she hates it.

Inghouls2 · 01/11/2009 22:47

no it's not wanky... £3700 is not a huge amount of money and most people live to their earnings. If the money was a drop in the ocean the OP wouldn't even be asking, neither would notice or care. That's obviously not the case...so why should effe spend the money making her life easier when she doesn't need to?

Quattrofangs · 01/11/2009 22:47

I wohm and would claim to love my job. But of course there are painful and draggy bits. Just in the main it is pretty good.

I always imagined it was the same thing sahming. But if you get to contract out all the painful and draggy bits I might rethink this whole equation.

Heathcliffscathy · 01/11/2009 22:47

quattro what kind of world do you inhabit that you think that if you get a cleaner once a week you sit at home on your arse the rest of the time?

errr:

shopping, washing, tidying, cooking, drop off and pick up, organising uniforms/school trip stuff, homework, organising holidays for starters.

i love this idea that if she gets a cleaner she'll be putting her feet up, with a magazine the whole time.

and frankly EVEN IF SHE WAS so what???

Spaceman · 01/11/2009 22:47

You've probably said it already somewhere, but if you're not cleaning your house every day then what are you doing? Surely it is really your responsibility to get your business in order and get on top of things. Your DH is at work doing his duty, your children are at school doing theirs.

For the record, we have a family income of around that, but I work three days per week. I'm considering getting a cleaner for that reason, but I wouldn't if I wasn't bringing in an income of my own.

For the record, I don't see why it's not in order for you to state the amount of your income. It's relevant to the argument.

bodycolder · 01/11/2009 22:48

The op is keeping the whole show on the road and the one thing she hates she can afford to outsource.Her dh gets his food laundry kids and school stuff etc and also gets to mix with adults at a job he loves an d eat bloody pret a manger for lunch!They both seem to have a nice life she just wants it nicer