in thinking that if we have monthly income of £3700 net we could spare £120 to spend on a cleaner?

[effedorf]

3+ years posting here, namechange for obvious reasons.

But, seriously, what do you think?

The income all comes from dh and I am sahm. We have two primary school age children. I truly hate cleaning and I do 95% of the food shopping and cooking and 100% of the laundry and 95% of all the other things that makes a family tick over.

Or am I being unreasonable?

You can spend your money on what you like! If you hate cleaning get one You are giving someone a job and the free time will be heaven.MN gets v funny about salaries and who has what v middle class (lower)

Oh, come off it Marsha. Most SAHMs are not forfeiting a career. They are perfectly happy to stay at home. I dare say the OP's husband dislikes certain aspects of his job too as do most people.
The OP just needs to speak to her husband so that the two of them can come to an agreement.

I don't know what the arrangement is with your DH. If the deal is that he does all the earning and you do all the home stuff then yes of course YABU, especially as your children are school age.

I'm not sure about posting how much your DH earns on a thread.

darlings, envy makes you ill you know...

it never fails to stagger me how resentful (and snipey and downright nasty) people are about money.

it's ugly.

effed, good luck in coming to an agreement with your dh. I do agree that cleaning sucks (one of the best things about my returning to work is that we an justify a cleaner now ). Is there any chance you could compromise with your dh and get one every other week or for fewer hours?

If it's any consolation though... even though I have a cleaner she only does the things that get done once a week, the short sharp painful stuff the real time and toil is still taken up with the relentless washing, tidying, dishwasher emptying, wiping etc... and I still feel at times like a bloody automaton! Grass isn't always greener n all that...

Well if I had that income I'd have a nanny! YANBU

Ok OK.... how's this? DH and I between us earn £X. How would it be if spent a not insignificant % of that on take-aways? Yes we could cook ourselves but we have very little time. Same thing...

Oh no, hang on! The OP doesn't work and has children at school. So time isn't an issue.

So basically you want us to say its OK for you to spend a certain amt of money on something you could do yourself but can't be arsed. Well it's up to you isn't it? What is the point of the OP?

Oh Orm - don't you have a thread somewhere saying you can't get worked up about things

If you have the money get a cleaner, it's a no brainer.

Also I should add that the issue of affordability is not determined by income alone. You haven't said whether your housing costs are high, whether you have to fund school fees, whether you have to fund pensions x2, etc. The income on its own is meaningless.

For instance on £4k a month net, we would have to do our own cleaning and simply wouldn't be able to afford a cleaner.

this is staggering!

so does your dh drive to work? how VERY dare he...he should be taking public transport, because he can!

does he buy his lunch? what a git, he should take jam sandwiches in.

does he get a coffee from a coffee shop in his break? what a profligate arsehole, he should take a flask in.

the whole you've got the time but can't be arsed line is just insane...why would you do something you don't want to do if you don't have to? and why not make life easier for yourself if you can? why on earth would your dh resent you for it, and yea gods why does anyone on here????

Oooh yes. I don't think I was worked up just confused. It's a sort of' Do not moor boats to this sign' kind of thread isn't it? Pointless apart from to draw attention to itself.

SAHMs with cleaners really do get it from all directions...

I do lots of things that others would consider self indulgent and unneccesary but its my life and money and who cares?One persons cleaner is anothers 'coffee out every day'.Life is short x

Oh come on yada yada...it's a joint decision usually isn't it?

Someone hangs about the house to help out there and someone goes back to work - that in itself is a joint decision. Whether sahms want to or not it doesn't mean they have to x amount of hours cleaning to make it equitable.

Not that I think being at home is hard or awful, but I do think cleaning constantly is, and would also say it bogs down the person who has to do it.

why shoudln't she tell everyone what their income is? is there a level over which you're a bad person? would you say that someone on a lower income talking about it specifically on here was doing something wrong?

i do not get this.

it's very english isn't it?

but having a cleaner in these circumstances is a £120 a month luxury no?
will your dh have an equivalent luxury? Will you allocate £120 a month for something he doesn't like doing?
are you planning on using the time to have coffee with friends or do something that might further your career later on or study even?

The responses have been SO interesting. Thank you. Of course I feel guilty about outsourcing a job I have time to do myself! Of course I do, which is why I posted the question. Perhaps its not an AIBU but a WWYD strictly speaking.

to kittyfisher of course. Because also because someone will get the ahole and insist sahms stack shelves or something if they want to get a cleaner.

Hence the mention of it being hard to get decent job if the dh is hardly ever there.

you really shouldn't feel guilty...especially as guilt is resentment turned inward

Further her career or study?she doesn't have to do purgatory to justify a luxury.I do lots of things that could be considred luxury and dp has no idea what i am doing half the time nor does he care!

yes but sophable surely the point is her DH may well feel resentful that the OP can't be arsed to do the cleaning therefore he has to work to pay for a cleaner?

Further her career or study?she doesn't have to do purgatory to justify a luxury.I do lots of things that could be considred luxury and dp has no idea what i am doing half the time nor does he care!

All of you huffing and puffing about the (no great shakes) income: this is why I "namechanged for obvious reasons". Thank you Soph.

I bet DH hates commuting so much and the unpredictability of self-employment...maybe he should pay for someone to do it for him because life is really too short to spend on the country's roads.

I get you that cleaning is a real drag. I work F/T have a toddler and loathe cleaning but still have to spend my bleeding saturdays doing it. I can afford to pay someone but if you can have a mini holiday for that cost I figure I will just do it myself.

I think you should just clean and use that money to pamper yourself...