in thinking that if we have monthly income of £3700 net we could spare £120 to spend on a cleaner?

[effedorf]

3+ years posting here, namechange for obvious reasons.

But, seriously, what do you think?

The income all comes from dh and I am sahm. We have two primary school age children. I truly hate cleaning and I do 95% of the food shopping and cooking and 100% of the laundry and 95% of all the other things that makes a family tick over.

Or am I being unreasonable?

violethill and bonsoir, all this sniping at each other is not really helping the OP

To the OP - I think I understand where you are coming from.

When the kids are little it is perfectly acceptable to have a messy house but as they are at school now there is the expectation that the place will be cleaner. But the thing is, it is not going to clean itself.

To admit to hating cleaning and not wanting to spend time doing it may be construed by some as you being lazy. Cleaning such as washing dishes, wiping down surfaces and general tidying sit perfectly well with me as part of the SAHM's remit. All the rest could be contracted out or shared between the two of you in the evenings or on the weekend. By paying for a cleaner you will be making both of your lives easier to the same degree.

There is however the possibility that by having a cleaner you will feel that you are relinquishing an element of control to your DH. What you need to do is regain control. How to do that is the real question.

you are all fucking mad
get a sodding cleaner and be done with the womanly nonsense

It must be MUCH more straightforward to be a man and have none of this angst

It is.

I have to admit Dolly that, were I am full time working woman (or man) and my partner a SAHM/D, I would be pretty pissed off if, after being out of the house from 7am-7pm, my SAH partner asked me to start helping with the hoovering! I would be wondering what on earth they had been doing all day and would feel taken advantage of. Of course, it all depends on the individual family's disposable income and how they choose to spend it but I can understand why a sole earner (male or female) may prefer to spend their (joint) income in a different way.
If the OP and her DH agree that a cleaner is a good use of their money, that is up to them.

angryfrommanchester how right you are.

yes, angryfromM, men don't really tend to do angst much do they?

I don't get this massive argument either. I contributed earlier in the post. My DH earns a decent wage, he is also a lazy typical man. I am currently at home on maternity waiting for number 2 to pop. DS1 is in nursery 4 days a week, dropping to 3 days in December. We have a cleaner 3 hours a week costing £25 a week, it was a bit of a no-brainer honestly. I pay for the cleaner but DH pays for all household expenses so my income is all disposable. He has never questioned my use of our money. I told him I don't care how flipping lazy he is as long as he earns enough money to pay for a cleaner! If you can afford it, do it, I don't see the problem or the argument...

There is a huge difference between a working partner with a SAHP expecting the SAHP to manage the daily running of the household (reasonable) and expecting the SAHP to do all the chores and errands, unless the household has a very reduced existence.

You see Bonsoir, I would not have a clue what "Christina Odone's 88%" even mean, I reckon the same goes for most people (and who the fuck even cares), so your hard work at appearing really at the high end of hoi polloi is falling on stone ground to most here.

That refers to a recent thread on MN and lots of recent UK news coverage; if you read the UK newspapers (and I understand if you don't) you cannot have missed it!

But presumably we are talking about a normal house/family - not the management of Chatsworth?

My house gets cleaned/food cooked/bills paid/child ferried to activities/holidays organised - by DH and myself who both work a 40 hours + week.

As soon as I get round to finding a new cleaner I will have one, as my free time is precious and life is too short for hoovering and ironing imho. However, if I didn't work I would not see the need.

Gosh, must I google?

I dont read UK newspapers.

Why dont you just humour me and tell me what it is?

If you weren't quite so rude, I might do the work for you. But do you really think I feel inclined to do so after your aggressive post?

Porto - if I only had one child to think about, I might agree with you!

Porto - it's so nice to hear from someone else who lives in the real world where it's entirely possible to give birth to several children, organise your own holidays, shop and cook, both work outside the home, and even occasionally run the hoover around!

oh, I thought you might welcome the opportunity to elaborate. Might I have figured you all wrong?

Oops just seen you don't bother with hoovering!

Porto.

Where we live cleaners are not a status symbol, having one just means you are either too frail to clean your own home, or not able to multitask! Unless you are elderly, admitting to having a cleaner is a little "hush hush".

I don't do the hoovering admittedly! DH does it

When it was just the two of us, I quite enjoyed cleaning. Now there are four, I prefer to spend more time with the girls than cleaning. See no problem with outsourcing what you can.

QuintessentialShadows - can no one make a stand for it being OK to have a cleaner so there's no need for this hush hushiness? Why so judgey in your area?

Christina Odone came here to talk quite recently thread if that's helpful (if you care - she's not exactly my cup of tea!)

Bonsoir:
'Interesting, responsible jobs where there is no travel element are very rare however, and I certainly don't know anyone in a job I would term "senior" who could or would take a whole day off work for a sick child. An hour out for a doctor's visit, perhaps.'

'But the main point about senior jobs is that they entail a lot of responsibilities towards the organisation/external parties that means that other (eg family) commitments have to take second place.'

I am a Managing Director of a global company that is pretty damn big - turnover of billions, operational in over 50 markets, top 3 market position within every one of those markets. And I do take days off work to be at home with a sick child - in fact, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Yes, I travel a lot, but it is possible to organise trips and fanily life so there is minimal conflict. I agree that there are compromises in this lifestyle, but I think its harsh to say that I put my family commitments in second place - I would totally disagree with that. My family comes first, always has, always will.

School children are different but if you are at home with the children there is also more time being spent at home creating mess

I'm just a bit gobsmacked by all this. Fair enough I only have one child. But I'm at work say 8.30 - 4.30 and commute one hour each way including the school run. I still have time to shop, clean, cook etc etc

So if I DIDN'T work, even if I had more that one school aged child....I fail to see how it is not possible to manage without external assistance. (Unless you are a complete lazy mare or have health issues)

Now I know how people get to spend so long on here!

That's quite a reasonable ending time, though, Porto.